I'm sure you're wondering why I went off on a tangent on religion and God in the last post. Addiction and God or, a "Higher Power," go hand in hand. I am a Christian but have no beefs with Islam, Buddhism, Hinduism or Judaism or any organized religion. All of them revolve around a Great Creator of the universe and that is a common thread that unites us all. It is the religion part of the equation that has been proven to cause all the chaos.
I know as an addict or more specifically, as a human, I have always had questions about God. For many years I filled my spiritual void with addiction and sin. I was frustrated that my prayers or conversations with him were inadequate. I was frustrated when he didn't give me what I wanted when I wanted it. I was confused and angered at the death of a child or famine and wars. Those conflicting emotions kept me from forming a meaningful relationship and friendship with him. I spent my years chasing after or running from God instead of just walking with him.
I always joke that God has to be a man because after seeing the pain of childbirth and the monthly discomfort a woman goes through there is no way the Master of the Universe would put himself, or herself through that. I refer to God in the masculine tense but ultimately don't think of him as a him. I think of "him" as an energy. That energy is LOVE.
It confounds me when people say there is no God because you can't see him, touch, smell or taste him. I disagree. I see him everywhere. I also wish that I saw him in more places. If you don't believe because you can't see I have a simple test for you. Think of the person you love the most in this whole wide world. Now take that love and set it on the kitchen table. Describe to me the texture, the color, the smell and the sounds love makes sitting there. What, you can't see it sitting there? Then if you can't see it it must not be real!
God and love are the same thing. They make us feel elation and comfort, they hurt us and confuse us, they are experienced in great waves or subtly in the corner of our hearts. They sometimes anger us or scare us but they are always there. There aren't any lovethists out there but lots of atheists. Why not come out against the existence of love? Because it takes on the same characteristics of God?
Nowhere in the Bible or any other sacred reading does it state that life will always be rosy. It doesn't say that you're going to get everything you want and dream. It doesn't promise that things will be fair and that justice will always be served. God is like love because we need it but we don't always understand it. Those readings promise that we are not in the fight alone.
The difference between the two is that we are so quick to dismiss God as not being there when we want direct answers from him in a timely manner. When our kids do something that hurts us we don't dismiss them as not existing because of the pain they cause. Why do we do so with God? When a "Man of God" does something human we use it to condemn the whole God shooting match. When someone with a different spiritual view does something we don't understand we lump everyone together and mark the box as defective and wrong.
Like love itself, God wants an individual relationship with each of us. If that weren't the case we would look, walk, talk and think the same things. We would be automatronic and unfeeling. Then he would be an idol. But no, the key is that he gives us the choice to follow or not follow. He could have made us little worker ants pre-programmed with jobs to do and no emotion. He loved us so much that he lets us decide if we want a relationship with him.
I used to get frustrated with my prayers because I thought they were wrong or inadequate. Did I need to say 3 of these, 2 of those, spin around three times and throw a penny over my shoulder? The answer is no! God knows me better than I know me. He wants a relationship with Tom Connolly. I will fail because I am human. He sent us a second chance so he could feel our humanity and give us a ticket to paradise.
The hole in my heart that was once filled with booze and drugs, sex and codependency is now filled to the brim with faith in his love. I get hurt when I don't get what I want but it feels great to not be alone. If God wanted one relationship with man he would have created only one! My prayers are simple. I don't have to be sitting a certain way or mumble certain phrases. I just have to be honest and reach out for some help. If you don't know how to pray let me help you get started. HELLO GOD IT'S ME......
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