My 180 at a 360 Degree Tour!

Anyone who knows me is painfully aware that I am a music nut! I take great joy in sharing the sounds that man creates from native chants to rock classics with anyone who is willing to listen. This has been the case since I was about 4. Sometimes it is easier for me to express how I am feeling through a song than trying to speak the words myself. I usually say exactly the opposite of what I am trying to convey.

My combined album, CD, and MP3 collection easily surpasses 30,000 songs. I am a true audiophile. I can talk for hours on end about the most useless rock facts. I dream of going on Jeopardy and Alex reveals an all music clue board. My bets would be full boat on the daily double every time. Along with hearing great music I enjoy seeing live performances as well. The three artists I have seen most are Elvis Costello, Bob Dylan and U2.

From the list you can see that my big three share a common thread. They are all good musicians, great song writers and complete artists. I love artists who are devoted to their art, regardless of the critical response. Dylan is not a singer. He is a poet who delivers the poetry via a rough, acquired taste voice. His songs are meant to be experienced, not enjoyed for their aesthetic vocal quality. It's in the word cobbling. If you are looking for just sound Josh Groban is he ticket. I am a lyrics guy plain and simple.

U2 is one of my favorite bands of ALL time. They are my modern Beatles. Larry is Ringo, Edge is George, Adam is Paul (bass playing only) and Bono is John. I started listening to them in 1982 when "WAR" hit the airwaves. It was their third album. I told everyone to check them out and that they would be huge. I wish I would have kept my mouth shut.

I first saw them in 1986 on the Amnesty International, "Conspiracy of Hope" Tour with, The Police, Peter Gabriel, Lou Reed, Joan Baez, The Neville Brothers, Robin Williams and Bryan Adams. They were surreal live. The Police were breaking up and U2 was the new guard. I was hammered and hopeful and ate up the show like pablum. Who wouldn't with that line up? They wrapped up the night with Pete Seeger's "I Shall Be Released." I was in musical nirvana.

I would end up seeing them a year later on the Joshua Tree Tour. They were growing. The songs were getting deeper, more spiritual and they oozed with raw charisma. It would be 5 years until I would see them again but I made up for it by seeing them 3 times on the Zoo TV Tour. Once indoors at the Allstate Arena, twice outdoors back to back at the then World Music Theater. Public Enemy opened for them and traffic was so bad they flew the band members in individually by helicopter. As the choppers set down and each of the guys hunkered down under the spinning wind blasting rotors I felt like I was at Woodstock. I was behaving like I was as well. It was 1992.

My next experience live with the boys from Dublin was in 2005 during the "All That You Can't Leave Behind Tour." I took Andrea/Hemingway with me. I had passed my love for U2 onto her and they were common ground for us in an otherwise shifting plate existence. The band was great and she loved the show. I felt like a small crack was formed in our complicated relationship. Squeaky went as well and it was a nice family night out beyond the $300 price tag. That made it a mini-vacation. I was "DRY" but had some herb before the show so was not sober.

Fast forward to the current day U2 and me. They were playing a gig at Soldier Field with tickets upwards of $275 dollars. They had sold out to Big Brother in my book. How much money did they need? I don't know how much they donate and do know that Bono's work with AIDS and hunger in Africa earned him the Nobel Peace Prize but come on! A few days before the show I checked online and some $30 tickets were available. I toyed with the idea of going. The best available were behind the stage.

The morning of the show I checked again and a single ticket was available dead center. Like Charlie ripping open a Wonka Bar looking for a golden ticket I ran for my wallet and entered my info carefully watching that demon clock counting down the time in the corner to complete my transaction. I swear my ability to enter information is cut in half while that doomsday device is determined to prevent me from buying me my seat. I made it. Barely! I printed my ticket and was off to see the boys for my seventh and decidedly last time.

Things were different this time. I went to the show alone and did not drive. I took the train downtown then caught a bus. I didn't buy the forty dollar shirt. I bought the $20 version from the parking lot guy. I didn't realize there was an opening act, Interpol. They are very good, 4 stars in my book. There were 2 trains back to Joliet that night 9:45 and 11:15. I had to drive my wife to Oak Brook at 5:15am the next morning and had a full day engagement. The show started at 7pm promptly. Interpol played the usual 40 minutes. I assumed that U2 would hit the stage about 8:00.

I love people watching. It is a hobby I adore and one that adds to my acting skills...I hope. The booze was flying. Old familiar smells wafted by. I was sober. You see that was part of my quest. I had never seen the band sober. I wanted my fascination with the band to come 360 with them. Just like the name of the current tour. They approached the stage to the booming sounds of Bowie's "Space Oddity," one of my all time favorite songs. It was like God knew I was looking for closure. It was also 8:40pm.

They opened with a handful of songs from "Achtung Baby." They had aged as I had. Bono was less flamboyant. Their hair was white or salt and pepper like mine. They were just men, human like me. They're just guys who have really cool jobs. The bubble had burst. The music was still great but the hypnotic chemical fascination gone. I realized it was the music that had drawn me to the band and I do recommend seeing them once if you have the chance. I had seen them all those times so I could rationalize getting hammered.

God sent me a final message. It was coming up on 9:30. The band had been playing for 45 minutes and Bono started talking about his wife Ali who had been with him through thick and thin and was there that night. He then introduced "Out of Control," their first minor hit in America. He said that she stayed with him even when things were out of control. I listened to the song, picked up my things and headed for the train. I called Squeaky on the way home. She was in bed. She had stuck by me when I was out of control and needed me in the morning. 45 minutes sober was quite enough for this ol' boy. I caught a cab to Lasalle street and just made my train.

On the way home I felt blessed to have gone to see U2 one more time. I had $48 dollars left in my pocket from the hundred I bought. In my wild days I would have brought home dust and IOU's. I put the song "40" on my MP3 player, U2's reference to Psalms 40 and my life verse. I fell asleep, stirring as we rolled up to Mokena, my boyhood home. I made it home and into bed by midnight. I kissed my wife and gave thanks to a truly merciful God. I reviewed my day then was out like a light.

I was as fresh as a daisy taking Miss Squeaky to Oak Brook the following morning. There was no hangover, regrets or tired eyes; only thankfulness.

GOD Part Two....U2, "Rattle and Hum"

I'm sure you're wondering why I went off on a tangent on religion and God in the last post. Addiction and God or, a "Higher Power,"  go hand in hand. I am a Christian but have no beefs with Islam, Buddhism, Hinduism or Judaism or any organized religion. All of them revolve around a Great Creator of the universe and that is a common thread that unites us all. It is the religion part of the equation that has been proven to cause all the chaos.

I know as an addict or more specifically, as a human, I have always had questions about God. For many years I filled my spiritual void with addiction and sin. I was frustrated that my prayers or conversations with him were inadequate. I was frustrated when he didn't give me what I wanted when I wanted it. I was confused and angered at the death of a child or famine and wars. Those conflicting emotions kept me from forming a meaningful relationship and friendship with him. I spent my years chasing after or running from God instead of just walking with him.

I always joke that God has to be a man because after seeing the pain of childbirth and the monthly discomfort a woman goes through there is no way the Master of the Universe would put himself, or herself through that. I refer to God in the masculine tense but ultimately don't think of him as a him. I think of "him" as an energy. That energy is LOVE.

It confounds me when people say there is no God because you can't see him, touch, smell or taste him. I disagree. I see him everywhere. I also wish that I saw him in more places. If you don't believe because you can't see I have a simple test for you. Think of the person you love the most in this whole wide world. Now take that love and set it on the kitchen table. Describe to me the texture, the color, the smell and the sounds love makes sitting there. What, you can't see it sitting there? Then if you can't see it it must not be real!

God and love are the same thing. They make us feel elation and comfort, they hurt us and confuse us, they are experienced in great waves or subtly in the corner of our hearts. They sometimes anger us or scare us but they are always there. There aren't any lovethists out there but lots of atheists. Why not come out against the existence of love? Because it takes on the same characteristics of God?

Nowhere in the Bible or any other sacred reading does it state that life will always be rosy. It doesn't say that you're going to get everything you want and dream. It doesn't promise that things will be fair and that justice will always be served. God is like love because we need it but we don't always understand it. Those readings promise that we are not in the fight alone.

The difference between the two is that we are so quick to dismiss God as not being there when we want direct answers from him in a timely manner. When our kids do something that hurts us we don't dismiss them as not existing because of the pain they cause. Why do we do so with God? When a "Man of God" does something human we use it to condemn the whole God shooting match. When someone with a different spiritual view does something we don't understand we lump everyone together and mark the box as defective and wrong.

Like love itself, God wants an individual relationship with each of us. If that weren't the case we would look, walk, talk and think the same things. We would be automatronic and unfeeling. Then he would be an idol. But no, the key is that he gives us the choice to follow or not follow. He could have made us little worker ants pre-programmed with jobs to do and no emotion. He loved us so much that he lets us decide if we want a relationship with him.

I used to get frustrated with my prayers because I thought they were wrong or inadequate. Did I need to say 3 of these, 2 of those, spin around three times and throw a penny over my shoulder? The answer is no! God knows me better than I know me. He wants a relationship with Tom Connolly. I will fail because I am human. He sent us a second chance so he could feel our humanity and give us a ticket to paradise.

The hole in my heart that was once filled with booze and drugs, sex and codependency is now filled to the brim with faith in his love. I get hurt when I don't get what I want but it feels great to not be alone. If God wanted one relationship with man he would have created only one! My prayers are simple. I don't have to be sitting a certain way or mumble certain phrases. I just have to be honest and reach out for some help. If you don't know how to pray let me help you get started. HELLO GOD IT'S ME......