My Addiction Laundry List or Man, I'm Glad They Didn't Have Meth in the 80's!

I need to point out ,once again, that I am NOT A DOCTOR or PSYCHOLOGIST. I am a person who has struggled with alcoholism and a variety of other addictions for 28 years. That doesn't qualify me as an expert but if I was listing my addiction history on a resume I would say I have "extensive and diverse experience in a variety of chemical and non-chemical dependency issues and recovery."

My sister, and only sibling, Chris Brown is a medical professional. She reminded me that I should always stress those two points. I do list those facts on my blog page in 3 different areas. People, this is my story. There are a lot of similarities between addictive behaviors. However, it is not like a burst appendix where there is a specific symptom, cause, prognosis, procedure and recovery. The only constant in addiction is the obsession and inability to control a behavior once it is begun. I am telling my story to the reader who identifies themselves as an addict or the ones who question some of their behaviors and the earthlings that live with them.

Mentioning my sister illustrates this point perfectly. We grew up in the same house, under the same conditions, share the same DNA and she is not an addict. She is well adjusted and responsible, hardworking and attentive to details and she can pour a bad margarita down the drain. I, on the other hand, would walk over to said sink and lap the margarita up, horrified at the waste of perfectly good alcohol. Insert laugh here.

My addiction to alcohol started around the age of 17. When I try to pin point the exact times in my life it is difficult because I just simply don't remember. The excessive damage that I did to my mind and body mixed with an unhealthy dose of convenient denial has blotted out large chunks of specifics in my history. I started smoking weed when I was 16 or so. I began using speed, hallucinogens, downers and other any other stuff that was handed to me, and guaranteed instant check out, at about 18 as well.

I have also been addicted to people, love, sex, pornography, work, things, gambling, food (to some extent) and cartoons. I added the cartoon part because after seeing my list I needed a little levity to lighten the tone. Man I really am F#*!ed up! Alcohol is my go to drug! It is the one that my recovery revolves around. As long as I do the things that long term recovery REQUIRE, the other ones have less of a chance to join the party.

My addictive mind knew how to work me. When I felt like my drinking was getting out of hand I would stop and switch to weed. Weed was created by God after all! It grew like tomatoes in the warm, sweet earth. Indians put it in their peace pipes. The U.S. government used to subsidize hemp farmers for growing the stuff in war time! Surely, there was nothing wrong with that. By switching to weed I could prove to myself that I wasn't an alcoholic because "they drink everyday." "I haven't drank in 3 days. Never mind that I've smoked an ounce of skunk in that same time period." I didn't just wake and bake. I did AWAKE and BAKE. As long as I was awake I was baked.

By switching from booze to weed, drug to drug, addiction to addiction, I created a false sense of control in my mind. I couldn't possibly have a problem because I could morph from one fiend to the next without being creeped out by staying on any one of them for too long of a period of time. My disease knows me better than I know myself. It is always looking for an "in". It participates in my recovery. It pays attention to what I learn about preventing relapse. It is always waiting, ever so patiently, for me to let my guard down. If I do, God only knows what would happen.

I don't ever want anyone to think that I take this stuff lightly. I am a comedian and get great pleasure, almost addictive pleasure, out of making people laugh. This is no game. Addiction is no joke. Recovery is no party. I just like to put a smile on the face of a subject that destroys the lives of users, their family, friends and innocent bystanders every minute of every day.