Once Upon A Time Revisited

The definition of insanity has been recorded as "doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different outcome." That's a rough interpretation from the dictionary. I lived in an insane existence for 20 plus years as both a homeless drunk to a highly functional alcoholic.

Most people remember their first kiss stolen behind the fat old oak tree in the schoolyard or after the ever awkward first school dance. There was the rush of adrenalin, the explosive colliding of emotions and the warm satisfaction of making it through one of life's rites of passage.

I do remember my first kiss. It was in a church in the tiny village of Mokena, Illinois. I was about 6 and it was done on a dare. No skyrockets, no stars, just pride that I had not only kissed a girl but I also won the bet. Those same unforgettable feelings and warm memories that one normally holds for that first kiss were the ones I felt when I took my first drink.

It was the summer before I entered Lincoln-Way East High School as a freshman. I was 13 and ready to conquer the world. My hormones were that of a jack rabbit and my desire to rush through childhood straight to "Grown-up" was fierce. A buddy was having a sleepover and he had beer. My heart pounded as I rode my bike down gravel-spitting roads to reach the party. Ironically that would ignite something in me that I would come to love, hate and fear. From that day on I was enslaved by the obsession of alcohol for the next 20 plus years...

After a few hours of Kill the Guy with the Ball, King of the Hill and all the other games most of us guys played, the bewitching hour arrived. We went over the checklist:
Parents in bed?
Check!
Booze stashed in the basement?
Check!
Voices turned down to the whisper mode?
Check!
Then let the games begin!

I popped the top of that first beer and was repulsed at the stench that overpowered my nostrils. Of course I had smelled beer before on the breath of other people. Every one of those times I hated it. As I raised the can to my lips for that first sip I was horrified to find out that the taste was even more disgusting than the smell! I had to save face. I couldn't let the guys see I hated the stuff! I tilted my head back and chugged and gulped and gagged on the can as fast as I could. It was the beginning of a long night and troubled relationship. Sadly, it was the only relationship that would matter to me for years...