I would like to welcome Hungary to the family as well as multiple check-ins from China. I have yet to reach Australia and Antarctica. Sorry about the re-posts lately. My blogge would not link to Facebook. Of course I am always thinking it's Big Brother out to censor. It's more likely the conspiracy theorist that I am. My theories on conspiracies are best left to Jessie Ventura. I wonder what the world would be like if we knew all the facts about the world we live in. I do know anarchy!
The blogs I have pasted have been on the down side lately. It's a part of living with depression and recovery. A lot of it has to do with my daughter, economy, politics, no jobs and all the other things dragging everyone down lately. I am feeling much better now that the sun is out. I know spring brings
movie and TV filming in Chicago. I will be better prepared for next winter. Boredom is excruciating to me. Being a Type A personality, I like things fast and furious. When they are on cruise I just can't sit still.
The theatre gig I landed in "My Two Husbands" as Grant Griswold has been a positive experience. I play a smarmy flim-flam man and the cast doesn't seem to like me. When I asked the director why I was getting a chilly reception he quipped 'that I do play the role rather convincingly.' It is a strange paradox that my roles are all shady, dark or brooding. I got offered the roll of "Dad" in the upcoming film "Sidetracked" but as of now I have to turn it down because I have committed to a film in Indiana during August. "Sidetracked" has a 4 month shoot schedule. I have reached out to the director and producer to see if we can work something out to get my scenes done before August. I would be playing a controlling, abusive dad. For the film being shot in August I play an angry, vengeful, macabre character. In the Firestone commercial I played the "Angry Guy".
Do you see a trend here? In the play I am cast as "The guy you love to hate". It is a comedy and I play the part over the top. It's bizarre to me that I am a comic by trade and am cast as unsavory or unreedeeming characters. Anyone who knows me says I always look 'pissed off.' Maybe that is why. Jay, my director friend, says lots of guys have had a helluva career being a bad guy. I am grateful for any role that helps support my family and further my career.
Being the obsessive over-thinking addict and depression sufferer that I am, I try to analyze it. After a great deal of thinking over several cups of Dunkin Donuts coffee I think I have an answer. Those dark figures are a part of my past. When I was homeless I was living like an animal at night and working 9-5 during the day. My depression allows me to see deeper into the shallowness of the character, (insert laugh here). There are a lot of different method acting devices and character acting tricks that can be employed. I need real life experience and pain or joy to come off as convincing in a part.
I led a dark life ridden with pain, isolation, darkness and selfishness for 20 years. Those characters live in me. I have just arrested them and don't give them access to my outer self unless it's on a stage or set. I am thankful to have the comedy to offset the dark side that keeps finding me in film and commercials. I am realistic that I don't have the looks to play a leading man in a romantic comedy. Maybe in the Phantom of the Opera but I can't sing and can't stand masks! Maybe my ultimate acting role will be as a Disney character at the theme park. On the outside I could be funny, fuzzy and warm and kick the little brats in the shins when they don't listen to their parents!
For those of you who are stereotyped, I feel ya. The important thing is that you don't have to buy into what people think about you. Who you are is between you and God. I hate the stigma that comes with depression and the disdain for the recovering addict. But I don't let those things hold me down. Ignorance is bliss! We all have our issues and people pick on the inhabitants of the "Island of Misfit Toys". It is easier to judge others than to take a hard look at ourselves. I know I did it through addiction. Being human, I still judge others. I try to work on it though. I am not a "drunk"! I AM a recovering alcoholic! I am not a "Dope Fiend"! I AM a recovering addict! I am not "crazy"! I have clinical depression.
Remember "Rudolph"? All the toys from the misfit island find homes. Be yourself. Accept who you are. Change what you can. Know the difference between the two. I am not an angry guy. I am a confident, often cocky, nice guy. I have lots to work on within myself. The work is never done. I can be anyone I want to. You can too! When I used to demand that God should give me what I deserve, I am grateful He didn't take me up on it. I am grateful that I get work as an angry guy and can be fun to work with. All I want at this point in my life is to add something positive to this dark world whenever I have the chance. Sometimes I buy into the chaos. Sometimes I ignore my chance. Sometimes I do just the right thing. I'm okay with being a "Charlie in the box."
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