Two nights ago as I was sitting down to write my blog for the day, I was shocked to find out that it had been blocked from publication on Facebook because someone had reported it as "Abusive" or "Spam." The news infuriated ME as I tried over and over to get my daily prescription of "hope" delivered to my readers. The blog is read around the globe and it has become an integral part of my life.
The thought that someone would find a blog that's content revolves around addiction recovery, hope and faith being "abusive" took my temper from 0 to F.U. in 10 seconds. Anger is normal for everyone, but for me I can take it to extremes and it can be very destructive. An alcoholic things emotionally, not logically. He bases his opinions and actions on what his feelings are screaming from inside, instead of looking at the facts, making a reasonable decision, and going from there. It is rattlesnake thinking. Bite first, ask questions later.
My mind raced through my list of friends and the "possible" suspects in the case against me. Was it Joe, or Slovenia? Was it Poland or an Atheist? I literally had myself sick at the thought that a positive message could be construed as "abusive" and I wanted revenge. Thoughts of a Facebook revolution rioted through my head. I would start a boycott! I even went as far as to put a graphic of the 1st Amendment up as my profile picture!
Once I have allowed myself to get into a frenetic state, I start having some really dark thinking. Visions of marches in the streets and the glow of Molotov cocktails blaze in my eyes. At the core of addiction is obsession and I can slip into the ol' obsessive me faster than a 6 legged cheetah! I travelled back to the days of The Sons of Liberty and their tea party in Boston 200 plus years ago. I made my stand and told others to contact my oppressor and demand justice. My anger and desire to "even the score" is not healthy because it consumes my every thought once it gets a hold of me.
The ironic thing was that it happened on the day of my 2 year sobriety anniversary. I should know that anger is a "trigger" for me to use, as the anger turns to craving. I should have developed enough coping skills to let it slide. But I reacted first and then considered the consequences, a truly unhealthy way of thinking and living. I learned a lot about me and what I am that day. I am still capable of resentment, anger and a desire to lash out. That is just plain humanity.
These are all a part of of human existence, not just addictive thinking. I am never going to be Gandhi or the Dalai Lama. That is one of my character
defects. I want to be perfect, saintly and wise. I have come a long way in 2 years but there is a lot more work to be done to overcome my addictive personality. I used for 20 plus years! The drunken addict is still in there looking for a way to come back out and get me to join the party.
Most people think that the ultimate goal of a stand-up comedian is to get a laugh at the jokes they tell. That makes sense. While talking with David Brenner about my material, he gave me a new perspective on performing comedy. To paraphrase he said "A groan is just as important as a laugh when you tell a joke because you have still created a reaction from the audience." It confused me at first but I understand it now.
The person who reported me for "abusive" or "Spam" blogs was giving me a groan. One of my blogs touched them in a way and they felt they had to lash out. Maybe they connect with my story. Maybe they don't believe in hope. Perhaps they don't like my references to God and Faith. Whatever the case, I evoked a response in them that made them act out against me. Every joke I tell doesn't hit a home run each time I perform it. Sometimes my best joke bombs and my worst gets the biggest roar. Next week the opposite happens.
The bottom line is that I live in a country where I can have a blog and freedom of speech. There will always be detractors. I can say that there are many things posted on FB that offend me but I know I am not the morality police and can choose to not read or click away from something that I disagree with.
For the person who reported me, next time just click away. If you see an ad for a movie you find offensive, don't buy a ticket. If you have such strong opinions, start your own blog. This is America, the greatest country in the world. There are many reasons for being the greatest, and freedom of speech is literally at the top. Sometimes the voices of others offends our sensibilities. That's the catch 22 of our amazing country. When it comes to enjoying my blog, some will, some won't. So what?
I am so glad you are back..and even more grateful that you believe me. I can't emphasize either statement enough..
ReplyDeleteI still think you should consider doing a video too. You know people who could help you with that. I am saying this not just to boost your ego. LOLOL You would go to the next level.. Reading for so many is a lost art..:(