My Greatest Confession.....The Day I was Reborn!...A MUST READ!

I'm really not much of a writer at all. What I am is a man who was given chance after chance to find freedom from alcoholism and addiction and finally reached my hand out for the hand of God. I owe my sobriety to him and other people who think like me. No matter where you are on this big beach ball called earth pain, addiction, despair, self-hate and self-destruction are a universal theme. I also know that hope, faith, love and forgiveness are available to all of us. Love is the key to the darkness that we sit in alone and amongst our fellow man.

I have written this chapter from my heart. I feel that the words are God's message. I am just the messenger. I bared my soul to you to help you see that there are several kind and levels of addiction. The roughness of my writing was the point. Life is not shiny and polished nor neatly arranged.

I do know that the months I was homeless, the 3 failed marriages, the pain of addiction and depression and the 26 years I spent in chemical hell were not in vain. There is no way for me to know how my chapters have impacted you. I know it has helped me reconcile and forgive myself. Forgiving oneself for our sins and misdeeds is one of the hardest things to face. I have no problem forgiving those who have hurt me but when it comes to myself I have a hard time letting go of my mistakes.

On August 2, 2009 I entered Parkview Christian Church with Squeaky and dear friend John Ott. I had been going to worship there for 2 months and was 7 months sober. The albatross of self-loathing and disgust with my past was unbearable. Toward the the end of the service we were directed to a door at the end of the stage in the sanctuary. Dressed in white gowns, Squeaky and I stood at the top of some steps that led into a small pool. John was baptizing us and Pastor Lonnie Caha was officiating our rebirth. The three of us hugged and sobbed as we waited for the door to open into the small pool. All of my pain and guilt and shame were racing through my mind. I was also comforted to know that I had finally made peace with God and His son, the two guys I was running from or chasing after for years.

The door opened and the three of us stepped into the warm swirling water. It was perfect, like a bathtub you had filled to just the right temperature. I walked on tippy toes and was sobbing before the profession of faith even began. John has known me for years and knew all too well the pain and misery I endured and put others through. He looked at me and said "After today all of that garbage is washed away." He cried. We hugged and Pastor Lonnie asked us to step up to the mic. He announced that Tom and Kris Connolly were being reborn. This ritual was a ceremonial rededication of our lives to Christ and one that was taken of our own free will. Babies don't have sin or choice when they are baptized. Rebirth is a conscious choice to be baptized as Jesus was by John the Baptist.

We repeated our words, accepting Jesus as the son of God. My head was spinning. My heart was ready to leap from my chest. I stood in the middle as John dunked me in the clear warm water. I kept my eyes open and could see the spotlight shining down on me underwater like a star from heaven itself. As John lifted me back to my feet, years of pain and hate were replaced by elation and joy. Squeaky was next. This time John and I both guided her under the water.

She was radiant. She popped up out of the water and we just grabbed on to each other. It was one of those clutching hugs like you give your child after you have momentarily lost them in a crowded mall. I was free and I knew my new life had begun.

As we made our way back out of the pool I continued to cry tears of gratitude and thanks. With each falling tear the weight of my shame and sin was lightened all the more. It was a great cry. I was free. I was forgiven. I was a new me. It's there for you too. God's grace is free. Take his hand.

I love you all. Love is free! Grace is given when we don't deserve it. If our hearts are pure and our faith is at the foundation of our lives, eternity awaits. We will fail becase we are human. That is why God sent His Son to give us a second chance at heaven, just like God gave me another chance on this earth. God Bless us all! AMEN!