When I was growing up I remember the adults in my life telling me things like "Slowdown! Life is gonna pass you by," or "The older you get, the faster the days go." I remember shrugging off these crusty old sayings and hurrying off to my next girlfriend or place I just had to be. Now I find myself saying those same things to my kids. The things I told myself I would never say to my kids come flying out of my mouth like Andy Rooney on a "60 Minutes" rant.
Some of my favorites I use are, "Don't be in such a hurry to grow up, all you have to look forward to is work." "Things were a lot different when I was a kid! We couldn't chew gum or wear shorts." "If you think you're wearing that to school, you better think again." These nuggets of wisdom seem to be in our parental DNA. Sometimes when I hear myself saying them, it seems as though they are coming out of my mouth like my father was saying them for me.
All parents, whether they admit it or not, decide the future of our kids or label them in the toddler to Elementary school age. "This one is gonna be the genius." "This one's gonna be the Go Getter." "This one is gonna be the teenage nightmare." "This one is heading for disaster." We seem to think we have them all figured out by how well they pick up their toys and how they play with the other kids around. They haven't even made it into kindergarten and we have figured out if they're heading for Harvard or as the head fry cook at Burger King!
Most of the time we are wrong. The genius is the troublemaker. The slacker is a straight A student. The one headed for disaster is organized and mature. Every once in a while we nail it right on the head. I certainly have seen that the time is flying by and the last 12 years with my kids seem like 12 weeks! When they were little I would get frustrated at how much they bothered me. Now I wish they would bother me more.
Amanda is our middle daughter. The Jan Brady if you will. I call her Sunny, because she has a smile that can light up a room. She also reminds me a lot of myself. I see the same patterns of thinking and impulsiveness that was a part of my life for so long. She is a free spirit. Just like the "Ol' Man," she definitely would have made it to Woodstock and Haight/Ashbury if she was born a few decades earlier. Thankfully she doesn't share the chemical connection with me. I can read her like a book. The good thing about our similar personalities is that when I talk to her about "grown up stuff" she usually relates to me pretty well.
Sometimes the transition from kid to young adult seems to happen overnight. This was definitely the case with Amanda. I remember the day like it was yesterday. I rolled out of bed and headed downstairs for a cup of coffee to get my day started. To my shock and surprise there was a strange woman eating Cocoa Crispies at my kitchen table. She was beautiful, curvy and the "Boob Gods" had visited her overnight. I remember pouring my coffee and acknowledging this woman at my table with a simple greeting and then went racing up the stairs to find my wife.
I found my wife in the bathroom putting on make-up and slammed the door behind me, frantic and out of breath. "Squeaky, there is a strange woman eating cereal at our kitchen table," I cried as she curled her eyelashes with some horrible looking contraption. She glanced, unmoved in my general direction and said "Honey, that's Amanda." I was horrified. I told her she had to be mistaken. This woman was built well on the top and the bottom. Our daughter is built like a board!
My Amanda is a "Tomboy" who prefers tee shirts and sweat pants to girlie stuff! Again she remarked, "Our baby is growing up." NO! I cried. Take this one back! What happened to the little, brooding, innocent child who used to play Guitar Hero and snack on bags of Doritos! I want the sleepovers and the all night giggle fests as I cooked frozen pizza and officiated the overnight festivities. I was in a tailspin, my mind was racing. I agreed that the young woman could stay but the boobs and bottom had to go back.
It all happened over night! Like the "Boob and Butt" Fairy visited my daughter's room in the dark of night and waved her magic wand, transforming my baby girl into a WOMAN. If I ever get my hands on that little so and so, I am gonna give her a good swift kick in her big Fairy butt. For the first few weeks I could only look her in the eye or shoot my gaze left or right. I couldn't bear to see those nasty boy attractors pointing my way. When she turned to walk away Bam! Right in the kisser! Her JLO bottom was following her everywhere she went.
She is 18 now. A woman by the letter of the law. Last night she came over with her boyfriend Chris and I made a wonderful spaghetti dinner for the whole brood. Remember, I am the Irishman who can make better red gravy than my Italian wife. Before we sat down to break bread she asked me if I wanted to see her tattoo. It was no big deal. I had bought her packages of Britney Spears and 'N Sync tattoos before. They were harmless fun that could be easily cleaned up with some soapy water and a little elbow grease.
I knew I was fooling myself. It was real. I was grateful that her permanent choice was that of a Celtic cross. It was done tastefully on her back shoulder and is really quite beautiful. No anger or "Daddy speeches" would make it disappear. I have 3 of the darned things. One is a Spirit shield, a tribute to my Cherokee blood. One is the earth with Celtic wings, symbolizing the world's endless possibilities and the third is a hawk flying into the moonlight. Hawks and birds of prey are my favorite animals.
She did it to me again. My baby girl is a woman now. I can give my advice but whether she takes it or leaves it is up to her. I am grateful that it is a cross, making a statement about her spiritual life. I have to bite my tongue sometimes. I want them to snap into line like when they were little. Now when they walk out the door I lose control of the decisions they make. We have raised our kids the best that we could. She didn't call from a jail or school office. She works and goes to school. She is beautiful and respectful. Most of all I am grateful that as we sat down to dinner last night she didn't say,"Da, I'm dropping out and heading for California!"
Acceptance and faith are the key to parental and personal harmony for me now. I have done all I can to raise her right. I have showed her things in life that will help her succeed and have been a living example of how to become a drunken failure. I am glad we both made it safely to the other side. She is a smart kid and I know that as parents we do our best, then roll the dice. Sometimes it works out, sometimes it doesn't. I can live with her Celtic cross. Sometimes when I get angered by a boy or man looking at her in an un-Christianly way, I wish that darned "Boob and Butt" fairy would come back to our house and refund my little girl. God Bless!
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