Every Day is A Gift. I use that statement in direct relation to my own experiences from how I used to live my life to how I live my life now. For 28 years I took life for granted. I assumed I would wake up the next day no matter how much booze and drugs I put into my system. I did insane things with insane people. I risked my life over and over again. I carried around massive amounts of emotional baggage created from my yesterdays. I obsessed and fretted through anxiety ridden days wondering what the future held. I did not have the capacity to live in the moment.
Now in my sober life I have found myself and made friends with me. I have mended, and continue to mend, the damage inflicted from years of chemical abuse upon my family, friends and loved ones. I do live in the "now." It is a lot less stressful. I have learned a lot from my past and it is useful information for what not to do in the future. I have also been able to share my experiences of addiction, homelessness, recovery, faith, hope and new found success.
That being said, I am not gonna blow sunshine up your a** when a tornado is coming. Sometime life is excruciating. I lost another friend yesterday. I know he is in heaven. His name was, and is, Eddie Garcia, a film director, writer, producer, father, husband and everything I aim to be. He was confined to a wheel chair but lived life like a marathon runner. He cast me in his next film. God had other plans. We spoke many times and he taught me about life and acting. He sucked every moment out of life like juice from an orange. Today he is directing the stars in heaven. Please pray for his family. He was a warrior when it came to faith. I have seen more people pass in this year than in the last 20. My faith is strong. I know they are free from the insanity of life on Earth. Maybe this is Hell! Earth that is!
It wasn't a gift when Japan got devastated, or New Zealand or Alabama more recently. Reality can be a bitch. The translation of Every Day is a Gift is that "The sun shines and the rain falls on the good and the evil of this world." We have to make the best of what we have. Not what we have not. I wish I could sit at this keyboard everyday and write a beautiful piece about how grand things are. That would be a lie from me and an injustice to you.
When life is serving me a s**t sandwich I have to either be thankful for the meal or keep the faith that a better one is coming. I know life moves in seasons. Just like depression and addiction. When I start to focus too much on what's wrong with the picture I have to make a concerted effort to look at how lucky I really am! I am truly blessed. The pity pot is full. I don't choose to sit there any longer.
God gives me what I need. Not what I want. Sometimes He gives me more than my wildest dreams. Other times He takes away things to humble me and keep me right sized. All of these things keep me growing. As long as I am growing I am alive. If I slow down and stop trying to grow I slip back towards the old me and that leads me to the bottle and self-destruction.
The most beautiful flowers start out in a little pile of shit!
Poem: Bono written by Charles Bukowski, "Roll The Dice."
Sorry to hear you've lost another freind, Tommy. Today is a sad day for me also, but I know that life goes on and I thank God everyday that I'm still here and that I have been blessed with good freinds and family. Keep smiling, that's what Eddie and your Dad would want you to do. Take care.
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