Alcoholism is Like Flu ITs' Symptoms Spread to EVERYONE in ITs' Path....

There is nothing that frustrates me more than when a person fresh into recovery says that their drinking didn't hurt anyone and the bills were paid. They claim they were only hurting themselves. They share stories of escaping to the garage or den to drink alone. They state with pride that they never raised their voice or a hand to their loved ones or kids while drunk or high. They boast that they made it to ball games and recitals regularly. "To BE or Not to BE," IS the question in active addiction and recovery. Addictions' most powerful tool is denial.

The families of Alcoholics live in a secretive world. The kids grow up thinking it is somehow wrong but is normal to them. The non-using spouse takes on the role of caretaker for the user and sometimes the enabler. They are also the fixer to hide the messes from the kids and neighbors. They are usually a wreck most of the time. They are never at ease. The alcoholic is a ticking bomb when drinking. We sip and sip and the family waits for when we are going to go "BOOM!"

As a drunk I had anger issues. They did not become physical but the tongue is more cutting than the sword. This was not daily but frequent enough. I was also emotionally unavailable to my wife and kids when THEY needed me. My drinking came first PERIOD. There were times I tried to force my way into a DAD moment with the kids to show what a great guy I was. Those were my moments of need not theirs. They didn't reach out. I reached in.

I was also the great orator and lecturer when drunk, quite the philosopher king actually. At least that's the way my drunken mind perceived it. All drunks think they just brim with wisdom when filled with beer or grog and we must share it with the world. The pub wasn't invented for shelter. It was needed for the meeting of the minds! The drunk makes a point, is so impressed with himself he makes it again, then does so once more with a little more flavor just in case the CAPTIVE audience didn't catch the brilliance the first two times through.

WARNING! To the family or lay person DO NOT interrupt the drunk in his brilliant Hamlet like moments. Refer to "BOOM," statement above for further clarification.

The family MUST adapt to the drunk. They become actors, performers and schizophrenics as they try to please and appease the whims and fancy of the day. The more drunk the better and more precise the performance. It is a survival skill for each family member. It is also ways to try to steal glimpses of affection and good favor from the drunk and hopefully escape his wrath when he snaps. I have been on both sides of the scene as a drunk and growing up in a family with alcohol issues.

I also run into the loved ones of alcoholics who say "it's his problem. I'm fine." There's an Aerosmith song that has an acronym definition for F.I.N.E. that would fit well here. If you live with monkeys for 20 years you will begin to crave bananas and pick lice from your fellow monkeys' hair. That's the way it goes. As the sober and somewhat sane adult in the family you have to take on the role of both parents. You have to cover for, lie, enable and often have become co-dependent with the drunk. I am here to tell you from experience not expertise YOU ARE AFFECTED. Chances are the person was a drunk when you got together with them. That means something was misfiring in your "inner self" before you tied the knot. Why would someone intentionally walk into a mine field?

I am coming up on 3 years sober. I have been in recovery and private therapy for all of that time. I am growing and changing. I am not a drunk any longer. I will always be an alcoholic with "isms." I am working towards being the man I have always aspired to be. Some days I act like a drunk without a drink. I am a human and a work in progress. I pray that I will always want to be making steps forward and never be satisfied that I have "made it" as a human.

Squeaky and I have been going through some terrible patches lately. They are the worst we have ever encountered as a couple or as husband and wife. That is not unusual when a drunk gets sober. "I AM HERE." What a shock that must be to her and the kids. Her whole apple cart has been upended. Lord knows I'm not exactly a wallflower. Self-confidence certainly isn't a problem. However, after years of being disengaged I am a new guy and we are just getting to know each other again.

Suddenly I want to make changes in the way things are done from raising the kids to decorating the house. My wife says to herself, "Who does he think he is? I've been handling this all this time!" In a few short years of clarity I step in and make plenty of "helpful" recommendations on how things OUGHT to be. She sees them as criticism. There's a thin line between the two. Who wouldn't be miffed after I was AWOL for so long? She is used to the way things were and how she dealt with them. Living with an alcoholic can be a mind game for sure. Just because I am now sober doesn't mean we aren't both still suffering from the effects of the disease.

The great news is that we BOTH have open minds and want to have better communication. I often have a problem with one way communication and I'm the one communicating. That being said, recovery has taught me that I am not the center of the universe or the home. She is stepping out and going to a support group to work on HER. We have decided not to FIX each other. We will leave that to GOD. In the end we will accept life on its' terms and come up with new solutions to our old problems together.

For anyone who drinks too much and thinks it isn't hurting anyone else I can say with complete confidence... you're wrong. It impacts everyone in your orbit. To those living with an alcoholic or addict that says to themselves, "It's not my problem,"... it is. To the both of you I say good luck. I hope you both find sobriety, clarity and the grace of GOD...

The End is Near... The Beginning!

There are many past New Year Eves that are blank to me. Every day was New Year's to me, because I would drink or use or both and say to myself "I am gonna quit tomorrow.” I made resolution after resolution, night after night, but I was trapped in tomorrows and yesterdays, until December 31, 2008.

On that date, I stopped drinking for ten days, then drank for six more. I have not had a drink or a drug since January 17, 2009. I had tried counseling in 1992 and rehab in 1999. I would do okay for a while, but then I would isolate myself. Sure I occasionally went to the bars, but my favorite way to party was alone with a bottle and a box of tissues. My self-pity is the fire; booze is the bomb. When we got together, "Kaboom!"

The New Year is the most popular time for joining recovery groups. Some go because the court orders them. Others go because their spouses issue ultimatums. Some individuals have FINALLY realized they can't stay sober on their own. They need help from people just like them. I lived my life thinking no one was like me, yet there are addicts of all shapes and sizes in recovery programs, ready to help folks JUST like me.

If you were lost in a jungle, would you prefer a map or a guide who has walked that same jungle a hundred times and could safely navigate the way out? The answer is obvious. Unfortunately the ego, fear, and disease of "self" have worked on the alcoholic for a long time. It is hard to accept you have a disease that tells you don't have it and makes any drinking an unsafe option.

Our society glamorizes booze and promotes it as a social norm. The constant bombardments of the fun and laughter that come with a cocktail are inviting to anyone and damn near hypnotic porn to an alcoholic. The commercials remind me of the casino ads that show gambling, hot chicks, laughter, and booze, then end with a public service announcement: "If you, or someone you, know has a gambling problem, call 1-800-I'm screwed!” The ads don't show the guy who spent his paycheck on chance instead of paying the rent. Addiction starts out a wonderful servant and ends up a merciless master.

Most people can tie one on, and that's it. They wake up with a New Year's Day hangover and lay on the couch drinking Gatorade and nursing a headache through endless football games. That doesn't make you alcoholic. For those of you who are, or live with, a potential alcoholic, I am sorry to say that there is nothing you can say to make us stop. We must reach a point where the agony, self-loathing, depression, anger, and chaos are too much for US to handle. In short, we all must decide for ourselves when the rat race of addiction has become too much to endure another moment.

For me, it was January 17, 2009. I had drank the previous day and pissed the bed that night. There were times I pissed on the floor, on the couch…you name it. My lab Fabian has actually pissed on my floor fewer times than I have. At the end of my run, I would even fashion a diaper for myself, knowing I would piss again, but found nothing abnormal about the behavior. I even bought my wife one of those mini carpet cleaners to clean up after the "dogs" made a mistake. On that night, I begged whoever was up there to please deliver me from my bondage. I meant it and was willing to do ANYTHING to stop.

When I wet the bed, my wife always knew, but I hid it from the kids. After everyone left, I would clean and suck the urine from our expensive mattress, wash the sheets, and place fans around the soiled area to assure dryness before my crew returned home from school and work. After six months of sobriety, my wife was so proud, she wanted to buy me a new drum kit. I was humbled by her amazing act of grace, and the offer was tempting. I declined and took her to the mattress store. I let her pick out the mattress of her dreams. I can say confidently, and with deep gratitude to God, that I have yet to pee on it.

Only you can decide if you are an alcoholic or addict. Do you obsess that you may be an armadillo? I would think not. However, if you are at a point where your ability to stop using doesn't work, or your life revolves around using, recovering from using, and obsessing about using, you need to hard look at your situation. If you’re the loved one, there is support for people in addictive or codependent relationships. Regardless of what addiction you may have, if you want to truly begin a new way of life, look in the phone book. Start with the letter "A" and go from there. Before you know it, help will appear on the page. Remember, whether you are the user or living with one, you still have to wake up with “you” everyday. Start taking control of your life today.

I no longer resent people who can drink safely and then stop. At one time, the thought of not drinking five years down the road or at my daughter's wedding was impossible to comprehend. Now, I let tomorrow take care of tomorrow. I just don't drink for today. We all only have today, whether we’re an addict or an earthling.

My justification for continuing the cycle of addiction was notions and memories like, "Nobody loves me.” "I am a loser." "I hated my childhood." " I can't tell anyone about the ‘tickle game’ a trusted adult played with me when I was a boy." "I can't live without booze; the pain is too much." These are symptoms of unhealthy THINKING. Drugs and alcohol are the band-aid addicts use to mask that pain.

Most of the things I wanted but couldn’t attain when I was drunk, have come to me tenfold in sobriety. It feels great to have my wife and kids smile at me when I walk in the door. I am confident that I am a good husband, father, son, brother, and friend. I am human and still make lots of mistakes but people can depend on me. I can look at myself in the mirror and other people in the eye. All the things that when drunk I planned to do tomorrow, I am doing today, thanks to sobriety. It isn't always easy. It’s work staying sober.

Nevertheless, if I stay close to God and people who think like me, it gets easier. I have no desire to use today. That is a miracle. I may crave alcohol tomorrow. Instead of obsessing on the thought until it becomes a drink I will pray for help and then call someone who has been through the same hell as I have. I have been taught new strategies to battle my old thinking.

However, asking for help and surrendering is just the beginning. Nevertheless, sobriety is amazing. Just because you get tanked occasionally doesn't make you like me. Alcoholics know what they are, long before reaching out for help. We think we hide it so well, and nobody sees our addiction. We are only fooling ourselves. I was amazed to find out that there were people with my same crazy thinking.

Tonight I will sit back with my wife and daughter, bowls of tasty snacks, and Dave Chappelle videos. We will laugh. I will remember the whole night. I will wake up in a dry bed, and I will thank God for giving me another sober TODAY.

Joliet-area men battle fears on TV’s ‘My Extreme Animal Phobia’ - Joilet Herald News

Joliet-area men battle fears on TV’s ‘My Extreme Animal Phobia’ - Joilet Herald News

Tom Dreesen, The Chairman of the Board and My Pops

Tom Dreesen, an amazing person and legendary funnyman wii be at The Laugh Factory, Chicago on May 6, 2012. THe Show is at 5pm! Don't miss it. Tom's stories of his days with Sinatra, and his hilarious reflections on growing up in the business are priceless. This blog was written shortly after I met Tom for the first time. See You Guys Sunday!

(original post 10/11 unedited)

I have mentioned many times in past posts that I don't believe in coincidence. I feel that God has a grand plan for all of us. We just don't know what that plan is until we're looking back in the rear view mirror of our lives. How many times have you been thinking about a friend and they call unexpectedly? Haven't there been times when you were at your wits end and a stranger smiled at you or extended a compliment at just the right moment? Coincidence? I think not.

After my father passed away in July 2010 my world was shaken to its' foundation. I was sober for a year and a half when he died. GOD, and the help of others like me, helped me get sober 18 months prior to his death. It was so that I could be there for him. I had not been the greatest son during some pockets of time during my 28 years of alcoholism and addiction. I had used, abused and taken advantage of my Pops.' That's what addicts do. In those last 18 months we were able to reconnect and become father and son again. We also became best friends and confidants.

As he deteriorated in mind and body I would bathe and shave him and make him laugh. My dad had a laugh that made you laugh. It was difficult to see the tough Irish, self made guy who ran with "The Son's of Italy" as a kid melt away in front of me. God gave me the strength to be there for him, and second mom, when I was just beginning to get my own mind together. If I was still drinking the pain of seeing him so frail and disoriented would have been too much and I would have avoided him like a cop with a breathalyzer test.

 HE got me sober when he did to fulfill his plan of reuniting us and granted me the grace to make things right and be there when dad needed me most. I didn't see that when I was smack dab in the middle of the pile. I was an emotional wreck. I was still having panic attacks and learning how to cope with life without chemicals. I learned a lot about myself, my dad, my family and my God during those 18 months. Although it was the most difficult time in my life it is also one of the seasons of it season I treasure most.

After Dad was gone I decided I was going to go back to comedy and give acting a shot. I wasn't going to leave any dream or regret on the table. Two days after his memorial service I was on the set of "The Chicago Code." As for comedy I got pretty lucky. The first time I ever did stand-up the Chicago Tribune was at Barrel-O-Laughs in Oak Lawn to write a feature story for the METRO section about people taking chances at midlife. I had already joined the Navy Reserve at 40 and was one week away from my 41st birthday when I decided to follow a lifelong dream of being a comic. Yeah I know! We'll get back to the Navy thing another day.

 Not many comics get a front page spread in the Tribune Metro Section on their first gig. Most never do. It was God's plan and after they laughed at my first joke I was hooked. The bad thing was that I blanked on what the "flashing light" meant and my 7 minutes became 20! Bill Brady, emcee at the Barrel let me roll because the crowd was laughing and I had brought half of them. It was liking climbing Everest! As I saw the pictures of famous comedians on the wall like Steve Allen, Drew Cary and Jackie Mason I was star struck. As I stood on the same stage they had and people laughed at words I had cobbled together I was blown away!

I had been acting for 2 months. I hadn't done comedy in ages and sent out my act via facebook to Tom Dreesen, David Brenner, Marsha Warfield and Mike Toomey asking for some feedback. I got responses from everyone except Marsha. We have since become friends. She is out of the comedy game but is still a force in Chicago as an activist in educating people about tolerance, racism, equality and history. Dreesen, Warfield and Toomey are all from Chicago.  EVERYONE knows David Brenner is pure New York with an open run show in Vegas. I love his insights. Mike is a staple around Chicago on WGN, HBO, Comedy Central and anywhere he can talk about TV shows. He is a 10 year old trapped in Mike Toomey and a great guy.

I had the most feedback from Tom Dreesen. Here was a guy who had toured with Sinatra and Sammy Davis Jr. and he was taking time to help an unknown like me. I was familiar with Tom's story to some degree. As I learned more about his upbringing the parallels in our lives seemed similar. Knowing what I know now I see that God put Tom in my path to help me fulfill the mission I am on for HIM. The similarities are stark in our paths as far as our upbringing, our family friendly material and our desire to give back to the community through supporting worthy causes. We also both know catching your dreams is possible with faith, hope and friends. We differ in that he is a Comic legend and a Cub fan. I am an actor, story teller, writer and Sox fan who loves to make people laugh on a mission to share my story of delivery from addiction.

I knew Tom was from Harvey and part of "Tim and Tom" the first bi-racial comedy team. I also knew he did a lot of service work and fundraisers around Chicago. His reputation as a good guy is well known. His years with Frank Sinatra well documented. I loved Sinatra as a kid and still do. I had seen him on The Tonight Show and Letterman. That was where my education about the background of Tom Dreesen ended.

I got some good responses from Tom, David and Mike. I followed up my first message with a second one stating that I was in recovery and wanted to share my story of alcoholism, addiction, homelessness, hopelessness to recovery through hope, faith and the hand of a friend. Basically, I was doing a reverse in the classic show biz storyline. I was an addict who lived on skid row who was moving into show business and wondered if that would be committing career suicide by sharing that in my act.

Dreesen and Brenner are wonderful foils. Tom told me of Carl Reiner's advice to him as a young comic to "Show them your pain." Brenner pointed out that you don't wanna talk bad about booze in front of a crowd full of people enjoying a drink and a guy who is paying you with the money they bought them with. I am not anti booze. It's just not for me. I've had my share.

I continued to check in and my acting career was on the rise. I began to write my blog "Every Day is a Gift" in December as a cathartic diary about the pains of sobriety and the grieving over the loss of my father. Each entry, including this one is done in one sitting. It is one stream of consciousness. It keeps it real and honest. The grammar and punctuations suffers but I think the message is what counts. Within a few months the blog was named one of the "Top Addiction Blogs Online." As of today it is read in 52 countries on 6 continents. Addiction is universal. It is an equal opportunity killer and loves to destroy everybody in its' path.

The parallels began to align when I learned that Tom had family members with alcohol issues. He also started one of the countries first drug awareness programs in schools for kids as a Jaycee. That was what introduced him to Tim Reid and was the precursor to his comedy career. Coincidence? I think not. When I was named spokesman and Emcee for this years "Rally Round Recovery" I reached out to Tom for help in recording some promotional commercials. he didn't hesitate. He recorded 2 and the event was a huge success. I was grateful to be a part of the event and have been asked to return for "Rally Round Recovery 2012." Good Lord willing I'll be there.

As the blog got more popular someone suggested I turn it into a book. I had always wanted to write a novel. Sharing my stories of 3 failed marriages, living homeless, eating garbage, lving with undiagnosed depression issues and trying to take my own life was not the block buster I wanted out there. More loved ones of addicted people reached out. I shared my experiences in recovery and my belief that catching your dreams is possible no matter what the obstacle with faith and the hand of a friend. I decided to do it and that I could donate proceeds to recovery, homeless and mental health programs.

Soul Parole Productions, Inc. was born on July 7, 2011. The name is taken from the title of my book Soul Parole: Making Peace with My Mind, GOD and Myself. It will be released December 17, 2011 on AMAZON. That is one year to the day from when I started the blog. I have chosen the recovery, homeless and mental health programs and institutions the book will help support. I hope to find a corporate sponsor to help me get on the road and share my story with as many people possible.

Last night Squeaky and I met Tom Dreesen after a fundraiser for St. Scholastica School for girls in Chicago. After countless emails, messages and phone calls I felt like I already knew him as we shook hands. It was a firm comfortable grip. He was set to meet with the alumni and special guests and made time for Squeaky and me.  He's just a working stiff in a tux with a heart of gold. He is exactly as you see him in the media. Tom is Tom. Knowing his story and what his mission in lifehas been, I KNOW, I know him. He was warm and welcoming. I thought Squeaky was going to hug him to death. He took time to take pictures for the book.

In my short career as an actor and comic I have been blessed to work in a lot of films and tv series in a very short time. I have passed on the name of my agent and casting directors to a handful of acting and comic hopefuls along the way. A few of them have already passed me by and are SAG actors and landed regular roles in cable series. I am grateful that I could help them on their journey. People helped me get sober and to where I am in my career and life. Holding your hand out to a friend is what I think the whole purpose is to us being here.

People are put in my path. I was put in the path of others to help them in God's plans for them. We all are messengers and have gifts to share. Tom  has shown me that helping others up the ladder is something that should never be forgotten no matter how far you climb or don't. At this point not helping others would leave a void in my life. It's my career that may suffer. I think that sharing my story, addiction and ending the stigmas that go along with it and depression is going to be my career. God will let me know.

Tom wrote the foreword for Soul Parole. I am grateful for that. His words are touching and I feel a little unworthy of them. Tom has become much more than a reviewer or advisor in these last several months. He has become my model for my act and my mission to give back to the community. I am sharing my story of pain, hope and catching my dreams. If one person hears my story and it helps them act on their addiction, gives them courage to face a fear or inspires them to catch their dreams... then my 28 years of pain was not spent in vain... it was just part of God's plan.

"Chasing Hollywood" and Finding My Dickie...

In late April 2011 I received a call from Jon Kinnas, owner of Atmosphere Casting, one of the major extras  film casting companies in Chicago. I had been acting for 8 months. Kinnas, Joan Philo, owner of Joan Philo Casting and Darlene Hunt, owner of Extraordinary Casting, were the three major players in extras casting in the city at the time. I had worked for Darlene on many occasions. She gave me my first gig in "the biz" on "The Chicago Code." I will always hold a special place in my heart for her giving me my first job which was a featured extra role. Two days after my father was memorialized and I had decided to give acting a try I was in a scene with Jennifer Beals and Jason Clarke. What a feeling! It was surreal but I felt completely in my element. It was as if I had finally found what I was looking for. Sorry Bono. I did 7 more episodes of the show.

During those eight months I did some other extras work, got an agent, did more comedy but really wanted to "act." As a proud Columbia College Alum I reached out and did 2 student films and landed a commercial. Actors have mixed feelings on working student films. I have had only one bad experience. When I am in down time I want to develop my craft. Student films are one avenue that let me choose roles that allow me to stretch my acting wings and play characters I normally don't get cast for. I also wanted to give back to the college I graduated from. I will always make Columbia a part of my life and career.

Jon is pure Chicago. He is street smart, passionate and loves what he does. He takes care of his clients and he looks out for his actors. During our conversation he said that he had a special role in a film that was a documentary with a mocumentary portion in it. My role was to be a "super fan." He knew I was a comic. He gave me the name of the "mark" and said the guy was a "real character" named James Vallo. He told me to keep the project to myself and he would send me the details. There are a lot of comics in town. I am thankful he thought of me. I am grateful to Jon for giving me my first principal acting role.

I hung up the phone and put James Vallo into Google. Instantly I saw why Jon had called Mr. Vallo a "character". Vallo had been mentored by Ed Asner and is an actor, writer, producer, filmmaker and ultimate self-promoter. He had his first on screen appearance in "Sixteen Candles." As a filmmaker he has done films such as "Spaced Out," "Sister Mary," "Not Just Another B Movie" amongst others. Vallo is passionate and flamboyant. His movies are in the spirit of Jon Waters meets Ed Wood. Vallo is a master at bringing the sitcom stars of yesterday into his films. In a Vallo film you will see familiar faces like Erin Moran and Butch Patrick, Judy Tenuta and Larry Thomas. Mainly you will see James Vallo and he is a pretty good actor in my opinion.

I read as much as I could about Vallo's upbringing, movies and career. Jon sent me the address and the number for my contact person Bart and I was off to a pizza place in the far northwest suburbs. It was billed as an autograph signing featuring Vallo, Actor Robert Z'dar, Writer/Director/Filmmaker John Wesley Norton, a  few Vallo film regulars and a comic book creator. On the way I was trying to decide how to play the fan. I decided I would let the environment lead me. There are a lot of Freudian references in "Spaced Out" so my name would be Richard "Dickie" Connor.

I arrived 30 minutes before my "super fan" appearance. I called the number and Bart Tumbarello co- writer/ director of what would become "Chasing Hollywood' answered the phone with a "Yeah!" Bart has a thick Italian/Cicero accent right out of the book. It was like we were in a sting operation. I was told to hold in the lot and he would call me. Five minutes after that I was to make my way in. The call came and I entered the pie Joint.

I was greeted by the familiar face of Mary-Jo Brown whom I had worked with on "The Code." She was acting as a reporter covering the event and interviewing Vallo's fans. I slipped into a kind of "Rainmanesque" shy but obsessed fan figure and side stepped my way to where James Vallo held court. He was on top of the world. I introduced myself and he autographed posters, videos and a page of a book Ed Asner had written the foreword for about Volunteer Vacations. It was priceless. Vallo was in Heaven. Dickie was in awe. They were a match made for each other.

In person Bart Tumbarello matched his voice to the T. He's a guy's guy, old school. He was born 30 years too late because he would fit perfectly into 30's or 40's when it comes to the code of honor, loyalty, hard work and trust. We became fast friends. He explained that they would interview me and was firm in stating to stay in character at all times. I had just put my beloved lab down earlier that week. Her name was Dakota. We called her Cooter. When I was interviewed by Mary-Jo I felt compelled to share my story of how close Dickie and Cooter were.

A few weeks after the pizza shoot Bart called me and said the Dickie footage was hilarious and he wanted to come out and get some footage at my house. I collect Hollywood and Sports Memorabilia and I started to come up with some ideas on how the meeting with James Vallo might have impacted the introverted Dickie. I built a small shrine with pizza crusts and votive candles and hung his picture next to autographed pictures of the Dalai Lama and Robert Englund as Freddy. We shot some footage and laughed. Bart had brought Tony Passarella his co-writing and directing partner and Chuck Kelly who was working sound for the day and one of the creative team behind the film. We laughed as I improvised my love of James and compared him to Nicholson, Redford, Walken and the Dalai Lama.

The art of acting and not-acting is a thin line. I've always thought the best actors are the ones' who don't. My wife Squeaky was home. Bart and Tony thought we should bring her in as Dickie's wife. She came up with the name Pina to stay in the phallic vein. She was petrified. She is from Berwyn. Bart slipped into Cicero talk. She into Berwynisms. Both of them are Italian and batta-bing-batta-boom Bart had her whipped up into a frenzy. We started to roll tape. I had a vaporizer I had taken from our bedroom that I was going to put in our basement. It was on the sink and became a part of the scene. When you see the film. The exchange between Dickie and Pina was done in one take.

 Squeaky is a natural. I have heard that from Jon Kinnas and David Brenner and she has no desire to act. God love her. I can say that Dickie and Pina will be doing some more projects in the future with Tony and Bart. The two of them are like family to us. The hardest part of the filming was trying not to laugh because Tony and Chuck were nearly dying off camera and we had to stay in character. It was great to be on film with my wife.

The film came out wonderful. The beginning of "Chasing Hollywood" features Antonio Fargas better known as "Huggy Bear" from the 70's hit Starsky and Hutch, Larry Thomas "The Soup Nazi" from Seinfeld," Reggie Bannister from Phantasm and countless horror movies talking about their start in the business. Intertwined with that is many of my Chicago acting friends giving snippets on their take on the road to Hollywood. There is the plight of the "Iowa Girls." The middle is heartwarming with a true Hollywood love story and of course James Vallo shows up throughout. Jon was right he is a character. It is a James Vallo Film.

 I heard that James thought Dickie had been following him for years. That's probably just a joke. As an actor that would be compliment. I met him at the "Chasing Hollywood" Premiere as me. He is a charming guy, a true artist and his passion second to none.  The film just appeared at the Naperville film festival and distribution details are coming out soon. I will post how to get the film when available.The video posting from the film at the top of the blog are with the permission of the filmmakers.

WARNING IT DOES CONTAIN MATURE THEMES. I will be forever grateful to Jon Kinnas, Bart Tumbarello, Tony Passarella and all the people in and who made "Chasing Hollywood" so much fun. It is a great film if your looking to get into the business, love show business or just like a good flick. Check it out!

As for Dickie and Pina. They are still together and looking to settle down in the suburbs. They love Chicago as much as me and Squeaky do...

If I Could Eat My Words I'd Never Have to Shop Again!

I am grateful to GOD for giving me a sense of humor. I am more grateful that HE has one too. As an actor, comic and writer, part of the gift of that humor is that I verbalize the things that people are thinking but don't have the nerve or need to spit out. That's great because it keeps guys like me, philosophers, pundits and poets in business. Tom Dreesen told me that Carl Reiner told him early in his career to "show people your pain." I have always done that in my act. I poke a lot of fun at myself. People identify with the daily mishaps of just trying to get by.

The distance between the frontal lobe (MY MELON) and the voice box (MY BIG FAT MOUTH) is only a few inches. I have seen many pictures of the brain. It looks to me like chubby Ramen Noodles mixed with Silly Putty all smushed together and placed in an airtight bonehead container. It's quite a fascinating looking machine. When I am told that we use less than 10% of it I am appalled. What the hell is flying around in the other 90% of the noodles that we don't use?! The few I am trying to get a rise out of are driving me and everybody around nuts!

I need to call the people who design filters for water or furnaces because I have a bit of a problem. In my personal life those same skills that make me a funny comic or good improv actor sometimes make me a poor communicator. That's PC talk for sometimes I say exactly the wrong thing at the wrong time and I can't help it! I want a filter between the Ramen Noodles, The Silly Putty and my pie hole!

As a recovering alcoholic/addict the problem is doubled because we learn to use words as weapons of mass destruction like fists, knives and passive aggressive napalm! We find our loved ones' tender spots in passionate moments of weakness, trust or sweet confession and BAM! If we get pushed the wrong way we will pull that sweet secret you never told a soul and spit it in your face like rattle snake venom.

In recovery that doesn't just disappear. It slowly goes away but I still have my moments. I'm not beating myself up right now. Don't worry I'll do that when I get to my rant about procrastination somewhere down the line. I am just becoming more self aware of some of my character flaws. Some of the time I am hilarious. Yet other times I can be critical and hurtful and not even realize I am doing it.

The power of a word is more damaging than a fist in my estimation. Both are violent. A sore chin will heal. The wounding of the mind through criticism and demeaning can be crippling. A perfect example is that there were many times my wife called me an alcoholic and every swear word her Berwyn upbringing could conjure up, and they meant nothing to me. The day she called me PATHETIC was the day I took my last drink. Why THAT was the word that pushed my "get sober" button GOD only knows.

The point is that a few simple letters put in a prearranged form said at the right time, under the right conditions had a life changing impact on me. The biggest argument my wife and I EVER had was about...wrapping paper! Yes you heard it...WRAPPING PAPER. Left to it's own proper use wrapping paper is associated with joy and gift giving. In the context of the argument it was connected to my ex-wife and it was a hot button for Squeaky. We were screaming. There were attorneys involved in the uproar. She shouted that I was an "Oedipus Complex!" I spat back that she was an "unclean female dog." It really got ugly. By the time we got home we had pulled over and stopped to laugh at the fact we were going to divorce court over...Wrapping Paper.

The most frequently mentioned subject in the Bible is our words and how we use them. The second is fear. Usually the two go hand in hand. I have a tendency of shooting my mouth off when I am scared of losing something, someone getting hurt or someone hurting another person I love. At that point the Ramen Noodle-Silly Putty-Tongue is connected. That is dangerous for me and something that I am working on. The quick wit and snarky comment work great on stage and for hecklers. Not so for family and friends.

I am trying to incorporate a few new rules into my personal behavior for rules of engagement. These help me with human relations and how comfortably I live with myself. They are as follows and are not all my creations. Most of them were taught to me:

1. I do not have to be right nor have an opinion on everything.
2. It's okay to say "I don't know."
3. I refuse to have arguments with people unless they are actually there!
4. The phrase "hold your tongue"... can actually be done.
5. When I am unsure of what to do, phone a friend is good.
6. When I react emotionally so do other people!
7. Doing NOTHING when I am unsure is acceptable.
8. I do not have to jump into every conversation I meet.
9. Whatever dress I want my wife to wear... pick the opposite one so she wears the one I like.
10. Turn to GOD more often Tom. When you lean on his words you need less of your own...

The Gap Between Pain and Praise!

I am grateful to GOD for giving me a sense of humor. I am grateful that HE has one too. As an actor, comic and writer, part of the gift of that humor is that I verbalize the things that people are thinking but don't have the nerve or need to spit out. That's great because it keeps guys like me, philosophers, pundits and poets in business. Tom Dreesen told me that Carl Reiner told him to "Show people your pain." I have always done that in my act. I poke a lot of fun at myself. People identify with the daily mishaps of just trying to get by.

The distance between the frontal lobe (MY MELON) and the voice box (MY BIG FAT MOUTH) is only a few inches. I have seen many pictures of the brain. It looks to me like chubby Ramen Noodles mixed with Silly Putty all smushed together and placed in an airtight bonehead container. It's quite a fascinating looking machine. When I am told that we use less than 10% of it I am appalled. What the hell is flying around in the other 90% of the noodles that we don't use?! The few I am trying to get a rise out of are driving me and everybody around me nuts!

I need to call the people who design filters for water or my furnace because I have a bit of a problem. In my personal life those same skills that make me a funny comic or good improv actor sometimes make me a poor communicator. That's PC talk for sometimes I say exactly the wrong thing at the wrong time and I can't help it! I want a filter between the Ramen Noodles, The Silly Putty and my pie hole!

As a recovering alcoholic/addict the problem is doubled because we learn to use words as weapons of mass destruction like fists, knives and passive aggressive napalm! We find our loved ones' tender spots in loving moments of rapture or sweet confession and BAM! If we get pushed the wrong way we will pull that sweet secret you never told a soul and spit it in your face like rattle snake venom.

In recovery that doesn't just disappear. It slowly goes away but I still have my moments. I'm not beating myself up right now. Don't worry I'll do that when I get to my rant about procrastination somewhere down the line. I am just becoming more self aware of some of my character flaws. Some of the time I am hilarious. Yet other times I can be critical and hurtful and not even realize I am doing it.

The power of a word is more damaging than a fist in my estimation. Both are violent. A sore chin will heal. The wounding of the mind through criticism and demeaning can be crippling. A perfect first hand example is that there were many times my wife called me an alcoholic and every classic swear word her Berwyn upbringing could conjure up and they meant nothing to me. The day she called me PATHETIC was the day I took my last drink. Why that was the word that pushed my "get sober" button GOD only knows.

The point is that a few simple letters put in a prearranged form said at the right time under the right conditions had a life changing impact on me. The biggest argument my wife and I EVER had was about...wrapping paper! Yes you heard it...WRAPPING PAPER. Left to it's own proper use wrapping paper is associated with joy and gift giving. In the context of the argument it was connected to my ex-wife and it was a hot button for Squeaky. We were screaming. There were attorneys involved in the chat. She shouted that I was an "Oedipus Complex!" I spat back that she was an "unclean female dog." It really got ugly. By the time we got home we had pulled over and stopped to laugh at the fact we were going to divorce over...Wrapping Paper.

The most frequently mentioned subject in the Bible is our words and how we use them. The second is fear. Usually the two go hand in hand. I have a tendency of shooting my mouth off when I am scared of losing something, someone getting hurt or someone hurting another person I love. At that point the Ramen Noodle-Silly Putty-Tongue is connected. That is dangerous for me and something that I am working on. The quick wit and snarky comment work great on stage and for hecklers. Not so for Family and friends.

I am trying to incorporate a few new rules into my personal behavior and rules of engagement. These help me with other human relations and how comfortably I live with my self. They are as follows and are not all my creations. Most of them were taught to me:

1. I do not have to be right nor have an opinion on everything.
2. It's okay to say "I don't know."
3. I refuse to have arguments with people unless they are actually there!
4. The phrase "hold your tongue"... can actually be done.
5. When I am unsure of what to do, phone a friend is good.
6. When I react emotionally so do other people!
7. Doing NOTHING when I am unsure is acceptable.
8. I do not have to jump into every conversation I meet.
9. Whatever dress I want my wife to wear... pick the opposite one so she wears the one I like.
10. Turn to GOD more often Tom. When you lean on his words you need less of your own...

A Sliver of Hope, a New Direction and a Genius Idea!

My baseline thinking as an addict is usually me. I want the universe and all of its' atoms formed or random to revolve around my plans. Whoever came up with the expression "there is no ME in team" was not an addict. I can say that with almost complete certainty. It is not that we don't have feelings for others but that our addiction demands 100% percent of our attention.

In recovery I have found that the biggest problem that fueled my years of self-destruction was the love-hate relationship I had with myself. I would wake up each day and hate myself more and more and my addiction LOVED it. The more I hated me, the more I would turn to chemicals and booze to try to temporarily escape myself. The next day I would wake up with an extra slice of self hatred and some physical pain, guilt and shame to throw into the party mix and the games would begin again for another 24 hours.

For years I thought I was using because the world was all wrong! I realize now that I was using because I was all wrong inside. It was my thinking.  I had a twisted perception on reality. More precisely, I used because the people and atoms of the universe didn't act in a fashion that met with my satisfaction. As I grow in sobriety I have learned to like myself by letting the world do what it is supposed to do. I accept others as they are. Most importantly I try not to spend too much time alone in my head. It can become a Wall Street riot up there in a jiffy.

Now sober I work a lot with other alcoholics and addicts new to recovery. I donate time to fundraisers and causes because I am grateful to give back this gift that was freely given to me. I will never give back enough. God and recovery groups gave me my life, family and a purpose to live.

Squeaky and I had been going through a rough season leading up to the "Rally Round Recovery 2011." I was working on a film. I had just returned from California after a week shoot for an "Animal Planet" series. I am in final editing of my book Soul Parole: Making Peace with My Mind, God and Myself. I am about to start 2 new films. I was working to promote the premier of "Chasing Hollywood." I was in hyper mode. This happens in sobriety and reality.

Squeaky's kidney surgery was scheduled for 2 days later. The doctors were not sure if they were going to take a portion of her right kidney or the whole thing. I cleared my schedule of EVERYTHING. I thank God for giving me the sense to do that. I did bring a galley copy of the book that I intended to read as Squeaky lay in recovery. I made arrangements to stay with her while she was in the hospital. They were very accommodating. I never once opened my book.

As the time passed all I could think about was the stupid arguments leading up until that day. Why is it that we have to be in a big pile of shite with a loved one, or their in an operating room or funeral parlor for us to look at how truly dear they are to us? It boggles my mind! We fight about wrapping paper and who ate my cereal? For the love of GOD who cares?!

The surgery went better than we could ever have imagined. They were able to use the Da Vinci robotic method on her and as the doctor said, "if her kidney were a hamburger we only had to take two pickle slices." It was the greatest horrible analogy I had ever heard.  It did make me a bit crazy that they assign patients numbers now and have a television you can check like an arrival board at the airport to see if they are "boarding," "on the runway," "ready for takeoff," "inflight," "on the tarmack" and "safely on the ground."

He said she would be staying for 2 nights. That was okay with me. They would know if it was cancer later in the week. She was medicated.  Her family was there to support her and me during the day. It kept me calm she smiled and mumbled in post op. She looked glorious. Every time she moved I jumped afraid she was in pain or going to fall out of bed or needed the nurse. I contorted myself up in the tiny Hobbit like chair and slept with one eye open grateful we dodged a bullet.

Being the real alcoholic I am I spent the hours beating myself up a bit. I also reviewed my behavior and realized I was not sharing enough of the projects I was involved in with my wife. I am proud she appeared with me in "Chasing Hollywood." My Squeaky is on IMDB as Pina Connor. That is the Cats Pajamas! But I used to read scripts to her. I used to read all my blogs to her. I used to tell her every career move I was making as I was making them.

I can't tell you what we talked about during her 60 hour stay there. I honestly don't remember. We just talked like we are supposed to when we are focused on each other and I am not so danged worried about the future. We laughed at stupid stuff. I fetched ice chips and cups of coffee. She is a java junkie. I can live with her addiction. I started calling her sliver kidney. She chuckles at the nickname.

Everything I do is for the betterment of the family and out marriage. The problem I have OFTEN is that I have a grand plan inside my head. It is carefully crafted and at the end of the rainbow she will not have to work. We will work together spreading a message of hope and recovery to alcoholic/addicts and their loved ones. She can't see my thoughts. She sees my head hunkered down in front of this laptop like a man possessed. Period. Actions speak louder than thoughts.

Oh! by the way we both stopped smoking. She had to for the surgery. I suggested she had a new lease on life. My birthday was coming up in a week so I said let's quit TOGETHER. Right when my boat starts sailing straight I shoot a cannon ball right through the bottom. Yep! I'm a genius!

There's a HEROin Epidemic and it's NOT JUST THE NEIGHBORS!

The "Rally Round Recovery 2011" was a huge success. There was a lot of hope, strength and love in the air that afternoon. I was humbled and honored to be a part of such a special day. I was glad to speak with public servants who genuinely care about their county, city, state and villages.

I will never forget sharing the pain with the Roberts' Family who lost their son BILLY to a heroin overdose because the people with him were afraid to call the police and left him for dead for fear of prosecution. I will be joining with the Roberts family in fighting for legislation that grants temporary immunity for those who try to help save the life of someone overdosing on drugs or alcohol. For those who say they are breaking the law! I say yes they are but they do not deserve to die without help.

Their organization "Be a HERO save a life", (Heroin Epidemic Relief Organization) is fighting to change legislation. Check out BEAHEROFOUNDATION.ORG. Donate to this worthy cause. Drugs are illegal but if it was your kid wouldn't you want the kids with him or her to call the police instead of watching them die or dumping them in a field to die alone? That is what happens now in Illinois because the caller and the kids with the overdosing person are arrested or are afraid of being arrested.

The plague of Heroin, Bath Salts, Prescription drugs and designer pills is running rampant. America has a pill for everything and our kids see that. They need only go to our medicine cabinets or Grandma's for a couple of pills to trade at school for the whatever they need. Wake up! Educate yourself.

You can have a great kid. He or she can get good grades. They may say all the right things. They may go to church. They may walk out the door and do drugs and never come back again. This is the new reality. If you think it can't happen to you. Call the Roberts family. Billy was an amazing human being. He is still saving lives today...

A Rally a Recovery and a Miracle

I had the privilege of being the Spokesman and Emcee for this years "Rally Round Recovery 2011" event held in Downtown Joliet for the last 7 years. September is recognized nationally as "Recovery Month. I was humbled when asked to be the point man for this noble cause.

The Rally was scheduled for September 17, 2011 at Bicentennial Park in the heart of Joliet. It was a day dedicated to life in recovery. The park was filled with information booths covering drug and alcohol recovery resources as well as over eaters programs, health and fitness, a free mobil dental clinic, half-way houses, dancers, bands, Public Officials and me as the court jester and comic on tap.

Leading up to the rally one of the original warriors in drug and alcohol awareness, "Harvey's Pride" and my model for public service and show business, Tom Dreesen recorded PSA's for the event. Dreesen is relentless in his commitment to Chicago and public service. The day I was doing the Rally for Recovery he was in town promoting the importance of  prostrate screening. I think I got the better end of the deal. Tom has been an inspiration and mentor, and I plan on making serving the community that has been so good to me a permanent part of my career.

A few weeks prior to the rally I received a proclamation from the Will County Board of Commissioners declaring September National Recovery Month and Recognizing the Rally event. I gave a speech. It was short and sweet focusing on the fact that addiction was a perfect democracy and equal opportunity killer. It does not discriminate against anyone. It wants you dead but will settle for you high. A week later there was another proclamation in front of the Joliet City Council and the Mayor.

I couldn't help but think that I had been with those same officials when I was in court for my first divorce that fell apart due to my alcoholism. I had been in the court rooms due to a DUI in 1992. Now I stood before the City Officials as a testament to the power and wonders of sobriety. It was humbling. I made a joke at the Commissioners proclamation that it was nice to be in front of such a distinguished body by invitation, not subpoena! They laughed. I half meant it. I had roamed those streets drunk or looking for drugs in years gone by. It was a surreal moment come full circle.

I have talked a lot about my wife Kris, whom I affectionately call Squeaky. Her kidney operation was scheduled for the 19th. Two days after the rally. We had been going through some rough patches up until that day. Just as we were pulling into the rally where I was to be "Celebrity Comic and Actor Tommy Connolly," we got into a fight. She was scared. I was scared. I have been doing a lot of community service work and working with recovering people and she has felt left out. It culminated with "maybe we spend some time apart after you recover from your surgery?"

That shows me how silly of an argument it was and that even though we were mad I would never leave her in a time of need. I  would never leave her period, but tempers were flaring. She's Italian and I'm Irish and speaking our mind has never been a problem. I should have just let her vent. It was obvious that I would be taking time away from all of my other work while she was on the mend from surgery. I had prearranged all my appearances and film work to block out a few weeks to devote exclusively to my wife's recovery.

Prior to my hitting the stage I hugged her and said we were talking silly and that it was the pressure and strain of the surgery, the book release, the movie release of "Chasing Hollywood and the rally and we would be just fine. She agreed.

As a comic and actor no matter what mood your in when you hit the stage or set you are "ON." That is you
become a performer. All moods, distractions, sickness and pain are put aside and you entertain. I was off to the races and it was a beautiful day. The weather was perfect. The sun was shining. The crowd was excited. It was difficult to share the experience we are having with Sunny's addiction issues. My wife was the one who shot me the look to go ahead and share our family struggle. She is doing better as of this writing.

It was great to see so many local and state officials who fight for alcohol, addiction and recovery legislation  on hand for the event. Will and Grundy County are lucky to have public servants who truly care about their constituents. I was honored to meet Senator A.J. Wilhelmi, States Attorney James Glasgow, County Commissioner Ann Dralle, Representative Mike Turk, Judge Ray Nash, Larry Walsh, Jim Murphy from the Mayors office and many other fine elected officials who serve the people not their personal career goals.

33 months ago I was hungover. My wife was ready to leave me. I had no self respect. I was having panic attacks daily. I was drinking 24 plus beers daily. I could not, not drink. My family was in shambles my life was no life at all.

Fast forward to now. I am sober. I have dignity and can look any man in the eye. I have respect for myself and my fellows. I am a husband, father and friend who can be depended on. I am respected in the community. I have been able to catch my dreams in comedy, acting and as an author.

I take no credit for these things. God gave me a 635th chance. People in Recovery showed me how to live free of chemicals and live in the solution, not the problem. I have been able to help other young actors and comics as Tom Dreesen, Bill Brady and David Brenner did for me.

I have learned that this thing called life I am caught up in is not a solo act. I stayed sick alone so long because I tried to figure it out by myself for 28 years. In that condition it was impossible to use my sick mind to give myself sane advice. You can not do it alone. There is very little you can. We all need each other. If your having a bad day with yourself reach out to a friend or stranger you'll be amazed how quickly your day gets better when you have gotten out of your own head...My next stop was with Squeaky into the operating room and her kidney operation...