Great Expectations!

There are few things sweeter than when people, places and things meet my expectations. I make the plans and sit back, waiting for the universe to meet my deadlines. When they aren't met, it can be crushing. Sometimes things work out better than I had planned. Trying to predetermine what they will be, is a mistake.

My mind races. My melon becomes the Daytona 500 of anticipation. I picture myself taking the victory lap, before I have even gotten in the car. I know I only need to make left turns, put the pedal to the metal and wait for the glory. Ah, There's the rub. I can't control the race, only my driving.

My expectations are that everything will go EXACTLY as I want it to. I know I have everything carefully mapped out. I wait with confidence that the players in my model will do what I want. Each new day illustrates the futility experienced when predetermining that plan A is a sure thing.

When it comes to relationships, I often have the dialogue written before I have even met the actor. I am certain that the plot is intriguing. I know that I have carefully considered the blocking, and action that should be followed. I am filled with wonderful intentions, then POW! On cue the actors and action in my grand productions deviate from the script.

Have you ever seen a person at a stop light yelling and they are not on the phone? That's me. I have arguments with people, who aren't even there. That is because I'm rehearsing my lines for the face to face meeting that waits for me down the road. I have even gotten into loud expletive filled rants with myself when things don't meet my...expectations.

One night I planned a surprise romantic dinner for Squeaky. I went to the store and got some steaks and the biggest baked potatoes I could find. I was giddy with ANTICIPATION, delighted by the thoughts of what the magical evening had in store. There were candles on the table set in a center piece that would make Martha Stewart swoon. I made a CD of romantic music, and had placed the player on the counter just a few feet from the mood lighting.

I would lay in wait, with ears tuned in for the familiar sound of the garage door lurching its way up. When Squeaky walked through the door I would light the candles with one hand, and perform a yoga like move to hit play on the music box. It was a scene right out of a Julia Roberts, Hugh Grant film. I could have taken a picture of it for Lifestyle magazine. The caveman would prove, once and for all,  that he was full of mush and cuddly stuff.

She would walk in ravaged by her day at the office. When she passed through the doorway of our lower level she would be greeted with sweet smells and the sounds of Frank and Deano lilting into her tired ears. Her anxieties would melt away. I was dressed in big boy clothes, confident that I was dressed to kill. Everything was just right.

I finished cooking and had considered every detail. As she stepped into the family room I would whisk her off her feet. There would be the sweet, dove like coo's of mutual adoration. I would say, "You look amazing." She would smile and return an equally flattering remark. As the aroma and music overtook her, I would gently take her by the hand and lead her to the Queen's chair. I would become Benson, sans the sarcastic remarks.

I waited, and waited some more. The traffic must have been heavier than usual. I turned down the heat on the oven, to prevent overcooking the culinary delights. I could hardly contain myself as I scanned the grand scene before me. There must have been an accident on the Stevenson. No problem I will sit patiently. The payoff would be worth the few moments of uncomfortable anticipation.

My cell rang. I dashed across the kitchen, scooping up the phone and hitting the answer button with graceful assurance. It was my wife. I had a secret I wasn't going to spill on the call. Tee Hee! In that moment, I was the Don Juan of suburbia. She began the conversation with a tired greeting. "I have got a migraine, a real pounder," she groaned.

As each word spilled from her lips I was suddenly thrown into Charlie Brown's body. All I could hear was the slow motion, "whah, whah, whah," that rang in Charlie's ears as he listened to the teacher drone on. I was a shrinking violet. "I forgot about your appointment," I whimpered meekly. "If your headache is that bad, maybe you should come home." My expectations would soon be dashed, then smashed to pieces.

"I have a hair appointment. Courtney doesn't work any other nights this week. I can't reschedule." She droned on, with a tinge of regret, that she had to honor her commitment. "Well, I'll have something ready to eat for you when you get home," I meekly replied. I was moving in to plan B. "No thanks, one of the vendors brought in subs and I ate at the office. Between that, and this headache, when I get home I'm going to take a shower and go to bed."


"I hope you feel better," I chimed with sincerity mixed with disappointment. I heard her words fade into the distance as she finished our chat with a sweet knock out blow."I'll talk to you later cannoli. I love you." I muttered an I love you and laid my phone on the counter shocked at what I had just experienced. I felt as if  I had  just learned that they were placing a ban on chocolate ice cream.


I sat down with my steak, and wrinkled baked potatoes. I'm surprised I was able to get food past my puckered out boo boo lip. I chewed slowly. I turned on the music that was meant to melt my girl's heart. Sinatra songs can be interpreted as happy or sad, depending on the moment. "All the Way," tormented me as I chewed my cud. How could this have happened?


I cleaned up the table of  plates and circuses, and went up to bed. Soon, I heard the dogs barking as Squeaky pulled herself up the stairs, hair perfectly quaffed. I asked her how her headache was. It had not lessened. She washed up and fell into bed. She remarked that the house smelled good. I told her I had made steak. She returned a weak smile and half attentive nod, then was out like a light.

I stared at the ceiling, as I listened to the lift and fall of her breathing pull her deeper into sleep. Where had I gone wrong? The plan was perfect! The execution was performed with precision. There was nothing left to chance...except life on life's terms. I had failed to figure uncertainty and reality into my grandiose vision.

I could have looked at the calendar on the fridge. She had told me about the hair appointment a few days earlier. I had forgotten which night it was. I could have called her and asked if she would be home on time. Nope. I only counted on my plans and outcomes. I did not consider hers.

I slowly faded into a slumber understanding that I had made the miscalculations. There would be no freeze out the next morning as we drank coffee. Self pity morphed into an understanding of the pains that come with assuming the world is going to do things my way. I was glad she could sleep her headache away. There was a delicious lunch sitting in the fridge. It would be alright. Stupid hair salons....

My book, SOUL PAROLE: Making Peace with My Mind, GOD and Myself is on sale NOW at Amazon .com. Personalized copies bought through PAYPAL are available at tommyconnolly.com. Proceeds benefit Chicago Area addiction, homeless and mental health programs.

"Chasing Hollywood" and Finding My Dickie...

In late April 2011 I received a call from Jon Kinnas, owner of Atmosphere Casting, one of the major extras  film casting companies in Chicago. I had been acting for 8 months. Kinnas, Joan Philo, owner of Joan Philo Casting and Darlene Hunt, owner of Extraordinary Casting, were the three major players in extras casting in the city at the time. I had worked for Darlene on many occasions. She gave me my first gig in "the biz" on "The Chicago Code." I will always hold a special place in my heart for her giving me my first job which was a featured extra role. Two days after my father was memorialized and I had decided to give acting a try I was in a scene with Jennifer Beals and Jason Clarke. What a feeling! It was surreal but I felt completely in my element. It was as if I had finally found what I was looking for. Sorry Bono. I did 7 more episodes of the show.

During those eight months I did some other extras work, got an agent, did more comedy but really wanted to "act." As a proud Columbia College Alum I reached out and did 2 student films and landed a commercial. Actors have mixed feelings on working student films. I have had only one bad experience. When I am in down time I want to develop my craft. Student films are one avenue that let me choose roles that allow me to stretch my acting wings and play characters I normally don't get cast for. I also wanted to give back to the college I graduated from. I will always make Columbia a part of my life and career.

Jon is pure Chicago. He is street smart, passionate and loves what he does. He takes care of his clients and he looks out for his actors. During our conversation he said that he had a special role in a film that was a documentary with a mocumentary portion in it. My role was to be a "super fan." He knew I was a comic. He gave me the name of the "mark" and said the guy was a "real character" named James Vallo. He told me to keep the project to myself and he would send me the details. There are a lot of comics in town. I am thankful he thought of me. I am grateful to Jon for giving me my first principal acting role.

I hung up the phone and put James Vallo into Google. Instantly I saw why Jon had called Mr. Vallo a "character". Vallo had been mentored by Ed Asner and is an actor, writer, producer, filmmaker and ultimate self-promoter. He had his first on screen appearance in "Sixteen Candles." As a filmmaker he has done films such as "Spaced Out," "Sister Mary," "Not Just Another B Movie" amongst others. Vallo is passionate and flamboyant. His movies are in the spirit of Jon Waters meets Ed Wood. Vallo is a master at bringing the sitcom stars of yesterday into his films. In a Vallo film you will see familiar faces like Erin Moran and Butch Patrick, Judy Tenuta and Larry Thomas. Mainly you will see James Vallo and he is a pretty good actor in my opinion.

I read as much as I could about Vallo's upbringing, movies and career. Jon sent me the address and the number for my contact person Bart and I was off to a pizza place in the far northwest suburbs. It was billed as an autograph signing featuring Vallo, Actor Robert Z'dar, Writer/Director/Filmmaker John Wesley Norton, a  few Vallo film regulars and a comic book creator. On the way I was trying to decide how to play the fan. I decided I would let the environment lead me. There are a lot of Freudian references in "Spaced Out" so my name would be Richard "Dickie" Connor.

I arrived 30 minutes before my "super fan" appearance. I called the number and Bart Tumbarello co- writer/ director of what would become "Chasing Hollywood' answered the phone with a "Yeah!" Bart has a thick Italian/Cicero accent right out of the book. It was like we were in a sting operation. I was told to hold in the lot and he would call me. Five minutes after that I was to make my way in. The call came and I entered the pie Joint.

I was greeted by the familiar face of Mary-Jo Brown whom I had worked with on "The Code." She was acting as a reporter covering the event and interviewing Vallo's fans. I slipped into a kind of "Rainmanesque" shy but obsessed fan figure and side stepped my way to where James Vallo held court. He was on top of the world. I introduced myself and he autographed posters, videos and a page of a book Ed Asner had written the foreword for about Volunteer Vacations. It was priceless. Vallo was in Heaven. Dickie was in awe. They were a match made for each other.

In person Bart Tumbarello matched his voice to the T. He's a guy's guy, old school. He was born 30 years too late because he would fit perfectly into 30's or 40's when it comes to the code of honor, loyalty, hard work and trust. We became fast friends. He explained that they would interview me and was firm in stating to stay in character at all times. I had just put my beloved lab down earlier that week. Her name was Dakota. We called her Cooter. When I was interviewed by Mary-Jo I felt compelled to share my story of how close Dickie and Cooter were.

A few weeks after the pizza shoot Bart called me and said the Dickie footage was hilarious and he wanted to come out and get some footage at my house. I collect Hollywood and Sports Memorabilia and I started to come up with some ideas on how the meeting with James Vallo might have impacted the introverted Dickie. I built a small shrine with pizza crusts and votive candles and hung his picture next to autographed pictures of the Dalai Lama and Robert Englund as Freddy. We shot some footage and laughed. Bart had brought Tony Passarella his co-writing and directing partner and Chuck Kelly who was working sound for the day and one of the creative team behind the film. We laughed as I improvised my love of James and compared him to Nicholson, Redford, Walken and the Dalai Lama.

The art of acting and not-acting is a thin line. I've always thought the best actors are the ones' who don't. My wife Squeaky was home. Bart and Tony thought we should bring her in as Dickie's wife. She came up with the name Pina to stay in the phallic vein. She was petrified. She is from Berwyn. Bart slipped into Cicero talk. She into Berwynisms. Both of them are Italian and batta-bing-batta-boom Bart had her whipped up into a frenzy. We started to roll tape. I had a vaporizer I had taken from our bedroom that I was going to put in our basement. It was on the sink and became a part of the scene. When you see the film. The exchange between Dickie and Pina was done in one take.

 Squeaky is a natural. I have heard that from Jon Kinnas and David Brenner and she has no desire to act. God love her. I can say that Dickie and Pina will be doing some more projects in the future with Tony and Bart. The two of them are like family to us. The hardest part of the filming was trying not to laugh because Tony and Chuck were nearly dying off camera and we had to stay in character. It was great to be on film with my wife.

The film came out wonderful. The beginning of "Chasing Hollywood" features Antonio Fargas better known as "Huggy Bear" from the 70's hit Starsky and Hutch, Larry Thomas "The Soup Nazi" from Seinfeld," Reggie Bannister from Phantasm and countless horror movies talking about their start in the business. Intertwined with that is many of my Chicago acting friends giving snippets on their take on the road to Hollywood. There is the plight of the "Iowa Girls." The middle is heartwarming with a true Hollywood love story and of course James Vallo shows up throughout. Jon was right he is a character. It is a James Vallo Film.

 I heard that James thought Dickie had been following him for years. That's probably just a joke. As an actor that would be compliment. I met him at the "Chasing Hollywood" Premiere as me. He is a charming guy, a true artist and his passion second to none.  The film just appeared at the Naperville film festival and distribution details are coming out soon. I will post how to get the film when available.The video posting from the film at the top of the blog are with the permission of the filmmakers.

WARNING IT DOES CONTAIN MATURE THEMES. I will be forever grateful to Jon Kinnas, Bart Tumbarello, Tony Passarella and all the people in and who made "Chasing Hollywood" so much fun. It is a great film if your looking to get into the business, love show business or just like a good flick. Check it out!

As for Dickie and Pina. They are still together and looking to settle down in the suburbs. They love Chicago as much as me and Squeaky do...

Ain't That a Kick In the Head!.......DEANO!

A lot has happened in the last few days and with it comes life lessons and how crazy they can be. God really does have a sense of humor. Maybe George Burns' portrayal of him in "Oh, God!" was pretty accurate. I personally lean toward the Morgan Freeman interpretation in "Evan Almighty."

So much has been happening in the last week that I have lost track of what day it was a couple of times. I need to pause and make a statement about one of the most idiotic things that wives say to husbands or visa versa. I have a weird O.C.D. thing about losing my wallet or car keys so I put them in the same spot. Then, when I feel I have lost them, I can glance over and be comforted that they are in their preassigned seating area.

Last night I was doing a comedy show at Walter Payton's America's Roundhouse in Aurora. I was running behind a little and when I was ready to dash out the door, I noticed that my wallet was not in its parking spot. I looked in my other pants, the kitchen, the bedroom, my office and all the other places it could be. I then mentioned to my wife that my wallet was misplaced and I was freaking out. Her response was "Do you remember where you had it last?" This is the insanity of couplehood. If I knew where I "had seen it last," I would have clearly checked that place and the wallet would not be lost. I want to scream out "NOW WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THAT!" This is a hats off to all the husbands and wives who bite their tongue and say nothing in response to our partners obviously ridiculous statement.

On Tuesday I found out that my first well paying commercial with Firestone had hit the Internet and has gone viral. Over its first 3 days of airing there have been over 300,000 views. I was on top of the world. I posted the commercial to my blog and Facebook and was proud that I could officially call myself a professional actor. I'm hoping that the commercial's popularity will encourage Firestone to run the spot on TV. If they do, Papa gets paid again. It's a beautiful thing and I am grateful that the commercial has been so well received.

My middle daughter Sunny has been having a pain in her side for a few months which was diagnosed as a pulled muscle. It didn't heal as the doctors said it would. We took her back to the hospital for an X-ray and a mass was found. I went from being on top of the world to "Why are you doing this to us God?" in a matter of seconds. Just when you think you've got the world by the stones you find yourself standing in a puddle of reality tinkle.

In the last few days she has been poked, prodded, scanned and had enough blood to transfuse a rhino. It may be serious or really serious. There is concern but the worst case scenario isn't the worst case scenario. My fatherly side and extreme thinking took me to tragedy and the end. I have obsessed about her future and the impact it could have on her life. Her mother has been a wreck. My son has been distant and sick. We have all focused in with sniper-like precision on what she has been going through.

One of the things that makes me crazy about our health care system is the various doctors you have to visit that fit neatly into your "provider" list. One doctor's prognosis is something out of "Love Story" and the next says "That's nothing. Take two of these and call me in the morning." That leaves a huge chasm of obsession between "it's showtime" and "it's curtains!" After all of the jockeying it has been narrowed down to 2 things, both of which are manageable and not life threatening.

My gratitude and excitement of my booming career are amazing and I'm thankful for all the opportunities and doors that are opening for me. That being said, that day brought me to the real substance of life's importance:  being there for our families. I love my family, friends and co-workers, but I work to live. I don't live to work. Right now the focus is on Sunny and what she needs. There will be lots of gigs down the road, but there is only one Sunny. Have a day!