In the last nine months of my entire acting career, I have appeared in 5 television series and 7 films. There have been commercials for industry and the web, industrial films, and mostly extras work. I have pushed and clawed my way into a career that takes many actors years to achieve in a fraction of a year. I have been a man bent on making up for all the time I lost at the bottom of a bottle or trapped inside of my depression.
It is surreal looking back at my abbreviated career and the roster of people I have been in scenes with. The list includes: Kate Winslet, William H. Macy, Joan Cusack, Larry Fishburne, Bryan Cranstan, Jennifer Beals, Jason Clarke, Delroy Lindo, Jason Patrick and scores of Chicago's finest actors. From the directors list I have been fortunate to work under Steven Soderbergh, Mario Von Peebles, Charles McDougall and Michael Dinner.
Of the seven films I have done 4 of them were with speaking roles. I have been told "I am a natural." I am flattered by the compliment and grateful to God for giving me a gift that I truly love to use. I attribute my ability to my life on the street. When I was an active alcoholic and addict I had to be the ultimate actor. I was a chameleon switching from role to role as the audiences changed. Addiction is a 24 hour job. I had to hide hangovers, downplay highs that were too intense and manipulate the marks that were in my path to achieve the score. That is what adds to my abilities "in character." Becoming someone else comes quite naturally to me because I was so many different people for nearly twenty eight years. Not having to be me was my intended purpose.
Today I am okay being me. I love acting and no longer seek chemical vacations from myself. Some days are better than others. Being a person with depression issues I have to keep things in perspective and not let emotion get the best or worst of me. Yesterday was a day that I felt down emotionally but was given a grace filled day that put all of my life into perspective.
When Squeaky and I were baptized in August of 2009 I was overwhelmed with the experience. The church asked us to share our testimony on a video to be shared at a later date during services. I spoke of my addictions and Squeaky spoke of the miracles in her life. Parkview Christian Church, our church, has a day set aside yearly for congregational baptism. They also do them weekly or as people request. The day they played our testimony was on the mass baptism day and over 730 people rededicated their lives to Christ. I cried like a baby. I know our video didn't inspire them to take the plunge but we were humbled to be part of such a special day.
Since then we have been part of the baptism team. We help people behind the scenes prepare for their baptisms that occur at the end of worship. We have assisted about 20 people so far. It is our way to give service to the church and thanks to God for giving me and us a second chance. I will always make it a part of my life, no matter what path it takes.
Yesterday we were called to help a family who were getting two members baptized into Christ. One was an 81 year old man, the patriarch of the family who suffered from Parkinson's disease. The other was his granddaughter, a girl of about 18 who has cerebral palsy. We performed our usual tasks, showing them where to change and reviewing how the rites of baptism would be performed. They were excited and tears of joy and hugs flowed freely amongst us all. A frantic member of the family said she had no one to take photos. In a Clark Kent moment I told her not to worry. Grabbing her camera I rushed down the stairs back into the sanctuary and found a friend to capture the special moment forever.
The joyous moment came and grandpa and granddaughter stepped into the warm waters of the swirling baptismal pool. They were followed by their baptizer who was the father of the girl and son of the man. They recited their Confession of Faith. The old man could be heard to say that his feet were tingling. I laughed and then began to weep. It was a moment of crystal clarity. This was the important work in my life. These were the real people whom I served.
The girl giggled and thrashed as she was submerged in the warm waters cleansing herself and beginning life anew. As they came up out of the water and back up the stairs Squeaky and I hugged them. We were part of the family. The first few moments after someone has rededicated their lives to God and Christ are magical. Their eyes sparkle. The anxiety and worries of moments before seem to have been washed away. They are new creatures.
Kate was down to earth. William just a regular guy. Jennifer was gracious. Bryan was a riot. Jason Clarke does a South Side accent better than most Southsiders. Joan was bubbly. All of them wouldn't recognize me if they ran into me today. The grandpa and young lady whom we shared the experience of rebirth with will never forget us. That day is burned into their memories. The movies are fun and I am grateful for the opportunities. The people I serve for the glory of God are the stars that really shine in my heart and the ones that really matter.
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