You may have heard the story before. It was a tale of two family members once close, then the weaker destroyed by the other. It was murder by someone who had once loved the other and promised a lifetime of friendship together. Rage, jealousy and insecurity polluted that love turning it to hate. The victim was helpless and left for dead.
In recovery I have reconciled with my past and have come to see that my 28 years of pain was not lived in vain. God put me there so I could be here. From the feedback I receive I see that my insights impact addicts, and more importantly, their loved ones understand the disease of addiction and depression from the other side. That makes all of my experiences worth it. I am a messenger now. We all are. I put MYSELF through that hell. The outcomes from MY actions GOD is now using to help others to avoid the same fate or to inform others about it.
When I go to a recovery meeting and a hopeless, broken, tired addict or alcoholic comes into a group and says "You don't know what it's like on the streets!" I can say "I do, I slept on them and ate food off of them." It makes them more willing to talk about their pain and they begin to see hope and not darkness. All addicts think they are unique. I take no credit for my recovery. I just didn't drink or use. God, a mentor and others in recovery did the work. I was just willing to listen and learn.
I have a friend whom I love like a daughter. I will call her Sunny to protect her identity. She is addicted to bath salts. They are the latest designer drug and can be bought at many tobacco stores legally. The drug acts much like coCAINE. The euphoria, twitchiness, irritability, paranoia and anger are similar. The difference is these new drugs are man made and man has perfected the "HIGH." The desire is insatiable. It is no longer the stuff of the past. The drugs of today like meth and bath salts do so much damage to the pleasure receptors in the mind they often leave the user in recovery with an inability to experience pleasure naturally. That is a truly heart breaking statement and a sad commentary on what lengths greed will take men to.
My friend has lost her job, she has run from her family, she has lost her car, she is losing her beauty, she is losing her self-dignity, she is losing her mind and she may lose her life. Her addiction tells her she needs none of these things as long as she has IT. IT is her best friend. IT understands her. IT will be there for her when everyone else is gone. IT doesn't care what she does for a living as long as she can score. IT doesn't want her to have people around her that don't accept IT like she does. IT isn't the problem. IT's the solution. IT is what makes her happy, right?
There are two paths I can take with my friend. First and foremost, she must know that I love her and that I have lived with IT too and IT lies. IT will say what it has to so IT can continue to control and manipulate her choices. She knows I will do anything to help her overcome IT. Since I love Sunny so much I want to see her free from pain. That usually means giving her what she needs - money. Who wouldn't help a friend in need? Path one is enabling. We think we are helping our addicted friends by giving them money, shelter, money, listening to their lies and talking ourselves into believing them to make ourselves feel better. Sometimes that path works. Most times it just gives IT more time to slowly kill and control, eating away at the core of what was once our friend. It doesn't kill our hope.
The second path is hard on both friends and IT. It has been called "Tough Love." I don't have a term for it. I just know an addict won't stop until they hit a bottom or wall. They have to get to a point when they can't get IT handed to them and they can't live with IT or without IT. They have to miss friends and loved ones, warm beds and family feasts. IT turns from friend to hostage taker. There are no magic words I can say. IT is stronger than me. No amounts of I love yous will trump IT. The lies get slicker, the drama gets heavier. That's the way IT is.
There are 4 options when it comes to dealing with the outcomes of IT. There is insanity, incarceration, death or recovery. I hope my friend Sunny opts for number 4. I will do all I can to help her if she chooses that option. When I was using those were my choices as well. No one could make them for me. It was not until the pain of addiction got great enough that I was ready to kick IT! I am aware that death is a possibility. It is on any day for the healthy. I pray that God give me and her real friends strength to handle the outcomes and for Sunny to surrender to HIM. I know that I am UNABLE to enable.
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