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Tuesday, January 31, 2012

David Brenner...The Coolest Pen Pal Ever....


 Soul Parole: Making Peace with My Mind, GOD and Myself (PREVIEW)
Amazon/Kindle-soulparole.com March 17, 2012

I'm moving into the final stages of formatting with the printers and designers of Soul Parole. I had no idea so much went into the process. The experience has been rewarding and frustrating. I have learned so much! The book could have been released months ago. Film and TV projects like "Boss" and "My Extreme Animal Phobia," my "EXTRA HANDS of HOPE" charity and the decision to launch a publishing company of my own, Soul Parole Productions, Inc. instead of  publishing traditionally were God's detours.  Margins changed and monies to charity will benefit. The company is also ASCAP.

 My vision of helping artists get their works to market without losing their rights to the material is being realized. My yet unrealized reality is to have a think tank or communal group of artists that will be a central low or no cost council of elders to young artists is forming on the horizon.

The biggest obstacle has been in the editing process. Anyone who knows me is well aware of the fact that keeping it short isn't part of who I am. I am volumous. People unsubscribe to my Facebook feeds because I chatter. I also am not a polished writer. I am a talker on paper. The challenge has been in "keeping it real and raw," like it was when I was writing it. I don't like rewrites on my thoughts. I don't see commas float out of my mouth as I speak. The book will not be grammaticlly perfect. So be it. It will be emotionally accurate. 

This is one of my first blogs with mention of David Brenner. When I got sober I sent my stand-up to Tom Dreesen, David Brenner, Mike Toomey, Marsha Warfield and Billy Connolly. I told them all I was an addict and wanted to be a recovering alcoholic addict comic! Tom basically said showing your pain is important. We             wrote back and forth and he has been amazingly supportive. David has been the street wise Pen Pal. He always answers my notes but is more of a realist. He says stuff like, "don't tell people not to drink in a bar where the guy who's paying you gets his money from people who buy drinks." We have not been as close as me and Tom. Both have been very supportive of my mission to reach those still suffering from depression and addiction. Neither call me when they are in town. I have met Tom and talked with him more than a few times. He is Chicago comedy....




4th blog December 2010 
"Why Would You Ever Let Yourself Become A Comedian?"...David Brenner

Legendary comedian and writer David Brenner once posted on my Facebook wall, "I understand everything you have done and been, with one exception. Why would you ever let yourself become a comedian?"
I don't fully understand the word "let". The fact that such an iconic comedy pioneer responded to a schmuck like me makes me feel like I'm doing something right, or at least, making people think that. I appreciate the input, Mr. Brenner.

I started my professional comedy career in 2006. It was 7 days before my forty-first birthday, and since I had made trying stand-up before turning forty-one of my bucket list items, I signed up for an open mic at Barrel' O Laughs featuring Bill Brady in Oak Lawn, Chicago's longest running comedy venue. The rules were simple: no f-word, n-word, c-word, or p-word. I was cool with that, because I think the shock value of those words have unnecessarily taken over the crafting of a good joke.

My love for making people laugh was probably my first addiction. I was a happy kid outwardly, while growing up in a difficult existence. My mom and dad got divorced when I was two and my sister was five. Our apartment was tiny, almost motel-like, and a single mother with kids was stigmatized in those days. I did anything to make a relative, friend or stranger crack-up. Mom worked all the time, so entertaining myself and others was no problem. The sound of someone laughing at me and my antics drove me.  When Mom came home after a long day, it was show time, and I would make her laugh until she got mad at me. I felt those laughs in every fiber of my being. It was euphoric, and I wanted more,  and all the time.

When I started kindergarten at Carpenter Street School in the heart of Mokena, Illinois I had a whole new audience; the classroom and playground were my Broadway and Vegas. As the laughs grew, I grew more frantic saying and doing crazy physical comedy and impressions of kids, teachers, and movie stars.
Those were my happiest times in front of a crowd. Someone asked me, “How can you stand up in front of all those people and not be terrified?” The terror didn’t happen in front of a crowd, but when I was alone with my racing thoughts. “Class clown” was my official entry in elementary school and high school newspapers and yearbooks. Every laugh released endorphins in me, but I craved still more. If I was growing up now, I would absolutely be labelled as having attention defecit disorder.

As I took the stage that night, the Chicago Tribune was there and wrote a feature story on me based on people taking chances in their forties and older. The article was titled First Time Comic Stands up to His Fears and Takes the Stage, September 22, 2006. That added to my terror and made me really unpopular  with the other comics. I am grateful to say I was sober that night, but only because I was afraid I would forget my material if I was drunk. Bill Brady took me to the side before I went on and said, "Don't worry. We have very low expectations for you." It was priceless, and loosened me up. I hit the stage and the spotlight blinded my eyes. I remember thinking, “What a great idea,” because I couldn’t see the crowd. I later learned that's exactly why it was there.

I heard the first laugh, and I was hooked. My set was supposed to last seven minutes and I did twenty! I had no idea why the blue light was flashing on and off at the rear of the club. I thought a pizza order was ready for the waitress and just kept ripping. I wrapped up my set with a joke about Jesus returning as a union carpenter and being asked to turn one sausage into a thousand sausages at the company picnic. I didn't fail. I wouldn't call it a kill, but I felt euphoria. I told the reporter it was like climbing Mount Everest: pure adrenalin.

I think art chooses the artist. Unfortunately my models of comic and material success were guys like Richard Pryor, George Carlin, John Belushi, and Ernest Hemingway. Carson and Dean Martin always had a cocktail in hand. The dark side of comedy was seductive to me, and I planned on following in their steps. Those guys partied hard after they were famous. I was content for many years with the party and the darkness, but the material success never arrived. I just drank and used and thought of all the jokes I was gonna write...tomorrow.

Sunday, January 29, 2012

The Last Words of an Atheist are, "I Was Only Kidding!"


The Last Words of an Atheist are, "I Was Only Kidding!" (unedited original 12/2010)

Soul Parole: Making Peace with My Mind, GOD and Myself -Preview (AMAZON/Soulparole.com
March 17,2012)

In one of my stand-up bits, I say that an atheists' last words are, "I was only kidding..." In another I say “I've tried Methodism, Catholicism, Judaism, and Buddhism, but found the answers to all of life's mysteries in alcoholism.” GOD, The Creator, The Great Spirit, The Man, whatever you want to call him/her or it, used to scare me to death.

In the winter of 1998, I was living with a prostitute in a crack hotel in Stone Park, Illinois, a hustling blue collar suburb west of Chicago. We didn't have a relationship or sex. It was economics! I wouldn't have sex with a crack head prostitute! She was below me! I was a homeless drunken alcoholic with a legitimate job, making less money than she did, but I had morals and boundaries! It was so much easier to point out what a loser she was, than to take a hard look at myself. I spent considerable time with these so-called "lower companions." When I was full of booze, and whatever else I could find, I would counsel them about their problems and shortcomings.

I would live in my car for a week, spend a few days in a sleazy motel to clean up and drink up, then return to the car. It had no heat, but I needed to save money to drink. When I had a room, I spent my nights encased in sheets like a mummy. When the lights went out cockroaches scampered all over my face and body. I could feel them probing for a way into my mouth and nose. No openings, no problem. I had a job for cry sake! I wasn't a whore or dealer! I was educated. I had a Bachelors of Arts degree from Columbia College in Chicago! I was simply a man down on his luck. 

Just before Christmas that year, my roommate got arrested and thrown into County at Twenty-Sixth and California. I would get calls from Cook County Jail every day. The guard would call asking me to "come bail out my girlfriend." Girlfriend! She was a prostitute and crackhead! I would never date a girl like that! We never had sex. She could hardly be called a girlfriend! Besides, I needed my money for booze, not for bailing “friends”out of jail.

I spent that Christmas alone in my room with my roaches. It is the only Christmas I spent alone. I wasn't completely without companionship, because I invited my friend Jim Beam over. On holidays, all earthlings are issued a license to drink. I just had twice as much as usual. Every day was a holiday for me. There were no calls from family or friends. I had no friends, and my family was done watching me die an inch at a time. I disregarded my lying, stealing, manipulating, and broken promises as possible factors. I didn't look at myself as being a pathetic drunk. I figured I was just misunderstood or maybe a tortured genius.

I talked to GOD that day. He really freaked me out. Ultimately, I thought he just didn't have time for a guy like me. I was going to hell, and I figured I would just enjoy the ride. GOD, to me, was pissed off! My visual was that of Charlton Heston as Moses. He had lightning bolts in one pocket and plagues in the other. He was not to be trifled with by my little problems. He had bigger things to do, like light the earth, cause famines, let little kids die. On bad days, I thought He was out to get me, little ole' me! He’d push the cosmos to the side and say to himself, "Hmm..I think I'll mess with the Connolly kid today.” Out of all the billions of people in the world, I was sure He was a cosmic bully singling me out. I spent a lot of time running from him or chasing after him.

Yes, I believed there was a GOD and life on other planets. How can we be the only intelligent life in a universe we can't even measure? Flowers are beautiful; the ocean is awesome and vast, but the idea they happened through coincidence after coincidence was, and is, impossible for me to grasp. When I talked to Him, it was as if I was on Santa's lap: “Please let me win the lotto.” “Please don't let me get a DUI.” “Please let beer be on sale, and the candy man be extra giving today.” GOD was an order taker, bail bondsman and Vegas Showman! I told him what I was going to do and asked him to answer my prayers through tricks. “If you want me to stop drinking, make The Beatles’, Nowhere Man come on the radio.” “If you think I should quit my job, make this light turn green."

Ultimately, I thought GOD only gave me crap. Looking back at the accidents that did and DIDN'T happen, the trouble I got into or OUT of, and the pain He put me through then DELIVERED me from, I now understand HE WAS THERE ALL THE TIME. When I'm sharing at recovery meetings I start out by saying I'm grateful for what GOD has given me and more importantly WHAT HE HASN'T. Then I thank him for ignoring me when I used to shake my fist at the heavens and shout, "GIVE ME WHAT I DESERVE!"....

Friday, January 20, 2012

Depression Makes Me... Laugh...Cry...Numb...and...ME!

Depression makes me laugh. What? You thought I was gonna say it makes me sad. Right? It does sometimes. There are times it makes me cry, get obsessive-compulsive, angry or giddy. On other occasions it makes me isolate or dread being alone. I dislike the word depression "sufferer." There are few moments that I suffer from my depression. There are trying times. Every so often I have a difficult day or two.

I usually speak about the triumphs and tribulations of sobriety, addiction and recovery. I don't speak enough about the world of depression. I'm not an expert on it. I live with it, and in it. A friend of mine, who's a county politician, messaged me this morning troubled with how stigmatized addiction and depression is in our society. I told her I was going to be addressing that very thing today.

I was first diagnosed bi-polar in March of 1999 when I checked myself into Hinsdale Hospital for rehab. I have since been rediagnosed as having an anxiety and panic disorder with bi-polar tendencies. My work in recovery and with a therapist has been effective in helping me MANAGE my CONDITION. I have a chemical imbalance that requires medication to stabilize my mood. I am grateful to say that over the last three years I have gone from four pills a day, to two at bedtime. I hope I get to a point when I need no medication at all. The chemical imbalance is a part of life as ME. It's kinda like the fact that I'm left handed in a right handed world. I have learned to MANAGE and ADAPT.

Bi-Polar used to be called Manic Depressive. That's a beauty! To define what I have is difficult. Simply stated I am attracted to both male and female Arctic people.  Traditionally defined, I have really high-highs and really low-lows emotionally. Most folks spend their time in the emotional middle and spike up or down. I tend to be at one of the polar extremes and have to work towards the emotional middle. My chemical receptors and plugs have a problem lining up just right. It's a bit like a car that needs a new set of wires. The car runs but it misfires.  A lot of addicts use because they have some form of depression or chemical imbalance. We self medicate because we can't cope with racing thoughts, mood swings or can't process our feelings that aren't fitting the picture. This is me.

I often have the wrong emotional response for the situation that is occurring. The world sees my actions not my intentions. When my Aunt Dora died we drove down to Carlisle, Indiana for her funeral. I was about 15 or so. My grandfather was cracking jokes about her in the family lounge. I was laughing like George Carlin was sitting next to me. Tears were rolling down my face. I was clearly boisterous and obnoxious. I didn't KNOW HOW to cope with my feelings over the death. I vented through my laughter.

 As White Sox announcer Ken " Hawk" Harrelson says, "right size, wrong shape." It was inappropriate behavior for a funeral. I was depressed and was in a high on my emotional meter. I was in a manic moment. Rightfully, my mother scolded me for my actions. I retreated into a corner feeling as if I had done something horribly wrong. It wasn't that my feelings were wrong. Our feelings are OUR FEELINGS, and are neither right or wrong. My actions were improper for a wake. I couldn't find the middle on how to react to my Aunt's death. When my HIGH reaction was inappropriate I slipped down to the low. Emotional Middle Earth was elusive for me.

I started to drink and use because I couldn't cope with my thoughts and feelings not aligning.  I felt misunderstood all the time. Sometimes I still do. It's been said that addicts are overly sensitive people. It's not surprising to me when I see us dually diagnosed. It does sting a little when I hear people say addicts have no feelings. WE FEEL EVERYTHING! That is a large part of our problem. We feel compassion when a butterfly farts! When you mix a chemical imbalance into an addictive personality KABOOM! Catastrophe is down right inevitable. It is a perfect recipe for self-destruction. However, once we get armed with the facts about WHAT WE ARE and WHO WE ARE there's hope.

The key to SURVIVING addiction and depression is reaching out for help. As an addict and a person who has wondered if I was going out of my mind I know that is a bitter pill to swallow. The thought of approaching someone about being crazy is nuts! No it's not. It's your only hope. You have to have hope. Even when your sitting under that rock. You're not crazy! You're just a little nuts!

When I addressed my alcohol and addiction issues I was having multiple panic attacks daily. Once I found out my wires were crossed I felt better. I WAS NOT ALONE. Panic attacks suck! The ones' Tony Soprano had were a party! I felt like I was gonna DIE every day! DAY AFTER DAY! That's not living. That's existing until you're finally right!

I saw a couple of noodle professionals. I  eventually found one I was comfortable with. This is not like picking out bagels! Take your time. DO RESEARCH. LEARN. EDUCATE YOURSELF. The more you learn about your melon the less you'll feel your losing your seeds! It isn't the end of the world. It opened me up to my life again. I have not had a full blown attack in over a year. I now recognize my symptoms and know I'm not going to die. To be safe I also don't let ducks raise their young in our backyard.



General public, earthlings and pundits, PLEASE don't judge what you do not understand. Chemical imbalance doesn't mean crazy. An addict doesn't have a morality problem. If it were as easy as "just stopping" ...we would. When it comes to depression, if it were as easy as, "just snapping out of it"...we'd do that too....






Tuesday, January 17, 2012

1095 Today's...Today is the Greatest Day I've Ever Known....



On January 16, 2009 I took my last drink of alcohol against my will. It is my 3 year sobriety anniversary. Today is my 1095th today without a drink or drug. I say the last was against my will because I'm an alcoholic and addict. Once I take the first sip or hit, all bets are off. I can not stop. My need to use becomes more important than ANYTHING on this earth. The lengths I will go to achieve those results are pathetic, edging on frightening.

 I will cast my family, job, friends, food, water, self-respect and ultimately my life aside, to get high. That is, if I pick up that first one. I was not addicted to any one drug. I liked all of them as long as they got me high and out of me. Booze was my favorite. I was addicted to SELF-DESTRUCTION! Fear ruled my life.

In 3 short years I am just beginning to see who I am. I no longer have the desire to use or escape my own skin. I have been blessed beyond my wildest dreams in my personal and professional life. In a strange bit of irony the Joliet Herald News and Shorewood Sentinel are running a "2011 Year in Review" series. On Sunday they ran a recap of "Rally Round Recovery" and a synopsis of my story, and mission, as this years spokesman and emcee.  On January 16, 2009 if you told me that in September, 2011 I would be standing in front of Senators, Congressmen, Councilmen, Commissioners and most importantly recovering addicts sharing my story of RECOVERY and life in comedy, TV and film as Spokesman for National Recovery Month I would have burped!

I am humbled and honored that they have asked me to host again in 2012. I am further humbled when people say my story inspires them. The people who came before me and newcomers in recovery inspire me. Everyday People inspire me along with Sly and The Family Stone. I take very little credit for my sobriety. As a shameless, carnival barker promoter of MY projects, I sincerely mean that. In early sobriety I depended solely on faith and the guidance of others to not drink or use. My decisions got me high. Today only some of the people I attend recovery meetings with know what I do for a living. Addiction doesn't care. It's an equal opportunity killer, it loves to destroy everything. I have sat between surgeons and felons discussing our common ailment. That is a twisted perception of reality that mixed with an allergy and obsession makes drinking and using mind altering substances safely IMPOSSIBLE!

I usually sit down and the words just flow. I make the point of saying I do my blogs in one sitting so that they are one flow of consciousness instead of cobbled, contrived Stepford speak. I am really grateful to be alive. A few years ago I had no idea what gratitude was. I TOOK EVERYTHING IN MY LIFE FOR GRANTED. I love helping other people find sobriety, understand their depression and catch their dreams. Just helping other people gets me out of my head. That's where all my problems center.

If you think you might have a problem with addiction or alcohol, you just may. I thought about it all the time. I made jokes about it. Then when I was alone I knew I was going mad. My life was out of control. Not on the outside, but on the inside. I used more and more to slow the DEATH RACE down that was run everyday! Today my mind has slowed down to about a hundred. That's cool!

My mother left me a message today about using her metal detector down on Lido Beach. I REMEMBER getting it for her 2 Christmas's ago. I had chicken with my daughter for lunch. This morning I went to a recovery meeting with 2 guys who I called on that last night of drinking. Then I talked to a girl about being bi-polar. I'm bi-polar and shared some HOPE. Three years ago I felt like I was alone and had to figure it all out on my own. TODAY I see that I am never alone and don't have to look very far to find people who are just like me....








Saturday, January 14, 2012

Shameless...William H. Macy, Me, and Addiction Flashbacks! (REPLAY)


Soul Parole: Making Peace with My Mind, GOD and Myself (AMAZON-KINDLE-soulparole.com FEBRUARY,2012- Preview)


(original unedited version)


Shameless...William H. Macy, Me, and Addiction Flashbacks!

I was blessed to have the opportunity to work on an episode of the new Showtime series "Shameless," starring William H. Macy. I was cast as his neighbor and when the episode airs you will definitely see me. The show revolves around a father with alcohol issues trying to raise a brood of kids in the working neighborhoods of Chicago. It is well written and sure to be a hit.

It was an unseasonably warm November day for Chicago and the scene was taking place in the dead of winter. Temperatures got up into the 60's that day and we were dressed as if it were January. Snow trucks were brought in to create the winter scene, complete with a guy who had a spray can to dirty the snow on the street. I can not say what the episode was about specifically in respect and confidence to the Showtime Network and professional acting courtesy.

In both "Shameless" and "The Chicago Code," great pains are taken to make details and authenticity as accurate as possible. From regional dialect and slang, to the casting of locals in the neighborhood providing background, no detail is too small to overlook. When a shoot is in progress, lights, semis, cameras, wardrobe, trolley rails, productionassistants, actors and extras litter the street. Curious neighbors sit on their porch or on the sidelines taking in the magic and technical wizardry that makes Hollywood so cool.

If a civilian is brought into the production they must sign a waiver and are often paid for their appearance in it. On this particular day we were on the west side in one of the more blue collar, urban neighborhoods for the shoot. As we rehearsed our scenes and repeatedly returned to our marks for another take or camera angle change, a woman kept walking onto the set. After a few interruptions, one of the best production assistants I have ever worked with took her to the side and signed her up to be an official player for the shoot for that day.

The woman was haggard and seemed a bit nervous. She was in clothing that seemed worn for a few days in a row and was skittish and tweaky. She was obviously withdrawing and jonesing for whatever candy kept her going. An addict can pick out another in a stadium full of strangers. It is just a skill we pick up in case we need to commiserate or score. We are always scanning and defining the people around us. That one is uppity. That one is a push over. That one is full of themself. That one is weak. That one will buy my story and give me a few bucks. We move from character to character and are usually dead on in our predeterminations of our fellow man's weak spots.

I was lucky enough to play an integral part in a scene with William H. Macy. He is a consummate character actor and professional. I was in the middle of asking the director how she wanted me to play the scene and she walked away to put out a more important fire. Mr. Macy stopped over and answered my question as to how he felt my demeanor should be in reacting to his actions. He is not an ego guy. He is just a guy. He presented no pretension or condescension, only a desire in doing the scene as perfectly as possible. I thanked him and played my part as he suggested. I was surprised when he later joined the extras in the holding area for chit chat and a picture or two.
In the scene some money is thrown up in the air in celebration of a joyous event. Prop money was used for the rehearsal and actual cash when we were ready to print. Each of us were given a set denomination of moola and responsible for returning it at the wrap of the scene. I was drawn to the woman as after each scene was "cut" we would retrieve the amount we were given and prepare for the next "take." When the call came to "check the gate and print", the scene was over and we returned our money to the PA handling the bankroll. The amount of money distributed was less than what returned.

I returned my portion and looked around for the skittish woman but she was gone. I scanned the streets of the restricted area and saw her smiling ear to ear and shouting into her cell phone. She was a block away and through all the confusion and chaos that is business as usual on set, I could hear her pleas drifting to me from so far away. She waited by the corner and was picked up by a car that stopped just long enough for her to jump in as it lurched away.

My first urge was to tell the PA about the lady and be a hero and doer of good deeds. I didn't say a word though. As I returned my share, the old street code of not ratting out a fellow user came back to me as clear as the days when I was using. It was not my business and I was probably doing her a favor. There were a few more scenes that required my participation as camera angles were switched and slight changes to the scene printed, just in case they wanted to alter something later.

The woman returned shortly after she left on the 14 hour long shoot. She was a different person. Her speech was slower and clearer. She didn't twitch or itch and looked like she had found the medicine she needed to feel normal again. I felt for her. As I looked at her she smiled back, eyes glazed over and content. I knew how she felt. I had been there. I knew what it was like to go to any means necessary to get the chemical cure to what was ailing me. I said a prayer for her. I don't know if she took the money but I know what addicts are capable of. I thanked God for his grace that it wasn't me. I looked back once more at her euphoric grin and was grateful for another day of sobriety. But for the Grace of God there go I.

Monday, January 9, 2012

Soul Parole...I was... and I AM....

I never sat down to write a book. It's strange to me as I look at all of the separate chapters cobbled together that they have become one. Each is a glimpse into a lifetime of addiction, and only a snapshot of my sobriety. I am no guru or doctor. The only sure fire advice I can give you in recovery is don't pick-up the first and you won't have to worry about the next thousand. A recovering alcoholic/addict passed that message on to me. I hope you pass it on to someone who thinks they are "one of a kind," like I once did. I was right and wrong. I am not alone in how I look at the world. I am part of a special kind of people called alcoholics and addicts.

The book began as part of a blog I started called "Every Day is a Gift." I believe each day is. In recovery I was taught to live day to day, sometimes moment to moment because my mind is where my addictions are anchored. The pain of my past, FEAR and uncertainty of the future and the futility of trying to manage all of my baggage made living comfortably, with me, impossible. I USED to escape me, not you. In the 12 months I wrote Soul Parole the blog was read by over 13,000 people in 55 countries on 6 continents(see Appendix). It blows my mind. Addiction is universal. Suffering is a choice. I could not stay sober on my own. I share my journey. I pray that I never think I have reached my destination.

Each of the chapters were done in one sitting in one flow of consciousness. I wanted to keep my thoughts honest and unedited. By the time of publishing Editors have gone back and fixed punctuation, grammar and sentence structure. Not Content. I can see evolution in the pages. When I ask my mentor if I'm getting better he says, "your getting different." I'll settle for that. The point is that I am moving forward sober.

Some have said that my stories always have a sugary ending. That may be so. Make no mistake, sobriety is not easy. Sometimes it really stinks! My problems and pressures build and I want to run to the corner, grab a bottle and take a liquid vacation! That would leave me with a hangover, the problems, and a huge pile of some new ones.

I choose to seek solutions now. Addiction and depression is about being trapped in darkness and feeling there is no hope to see light. I don't suddenly have rainbows and fairy dust falling in my path. I FEEL now. I FACE now. These things were once inconceivable to me. Squeaky and I fight, I fail as a father, son and friend. Sobriety has shown me my character flaws. I can go back and try to right what I have wronged, where once I just fled.

I have been blessed to work on comedy stages and in films and on TV. I have come far in a short time according to the calendar. I love acting and making people laugh. My acting is a passion. Making people laugh is a gift. We all have them. Share them. I may never make it to HBO or HOLLYWOOD. That's fine. If I help a few people along their journey to sobriety then my 28 years of addiction was not in vain. There were people who held their hand out freely and showed me a new way to live. I will do the same.

Living in the moment is a gift. GOD has no beginning or end. No man can define GOD. The moment we are in RIGHT NOW has no beginning and no end. That means that right now is as close to GOD on earth as we're gonna get. Why would we take NOW for granted? Why would we take GOD for granted? I am grateful that I live for the day. Time goes faster, but I suck the marrow out of each moment....But for the grace of GOD there go I....