On January 16, 2009 I took my last drink of alcohol against my will. It is my 3 year sobriety anniversary. Today is my 1095th today without a drink or drug. I say the last was against my will because I'm an alcoholic and addict. Once I take the first sip or hit, all bets are off. I can not stop. My need to use becomes more important than ANYTHING on this earth. The lengths I will go to achieve those results are pathetic, edging on frightening.
I will cast my family, job, friends, food, water, self-respect and ultimately my life aside, to get high. That is, if I pick up that first one. I was not addicted to any one drug. I liked all of them as long as they got me high and out of me. Booze was my favorite. I was addicted to SELF-DESTRUCTION! Fear ruled my life.
In 3 short years I am just beginning to see who I am. I no longer have the desire to use or escape my own skin. I have been blessed beyond my wildest dreams in my personal and professional life. In a strange bit of irony the Joliet Herald News and Shorewood Sentinel are running a "2011 Year in Review" series. On Sunday they ran a recap of "Rally Round Recovery" and a synopsis of my story, and mission, as this years spokesman and emcee. On January 16, 2009 if you told me that in September, 2011 I would be standing in front of Senators, Congressmen, Councilmen, Commissioners and most importantly recovering addicts sharing my story of RECOVERY and life in comedy, TV and film as Spokesman for National Recovery Month I would have burped!
I am humbled and honored that they have asked me to host again in 2012. I am further humbled when people say my story inspires them. The people who came before me and newcomers in recovery inspire me. Everyday People inspire me along with Sly and The Family Stone. I take very little credit for my sobriety. As a shameless, carnival barker promoter of MY projects, I sincerely mean that. In early sobriety I depended solely on faith and the guidance of others to not drink or use. My decisions got me high. Today only some of the people I attend recovery meetings with know what I do for a living. Addiction doesn't care. It's an equal opportunity killer, it loves to destroy everything. I have sat between surgeons and felons discussing our common ailment. That is a twisted perception of reality that mixed with an allergy and obsession makes drinking and using mind altering substances safely IMPOSSIBLE!
I usually sit down and the words just flow. I make the point of saying I do my blogs in one sitting so that they are one flow of consciousness instead of cobbled, contrived Stepford speak. I am really grateful to be alive. A few years ago I had no idea what gratitude was. I TOOK EVERYTHING IN MY LIFE FOR GRANTED. I love helping other people find sobriety, understand their depression and catch their dreams. Just helping other people gets me out of my head. That's where all my problems center.
If you think you might have a problem with addiction or alcohol, you just may. I thought about it all the time. I made jokes about it. Then when I was alone I knew I was going mad. My life was out of control. Not on the outside, but on the inside. I used more and more to slow the DEATH RACE down that was run everyday! Today my mind has slowed down to about a hundred. That's cool!
My mother left me a message today about using her metal detector down on Lido Beach. I REMEMBER getting it for her 2 Christmas's ago. I had chicken with my daughter for lunch. This morning I went to a recovery meeting with 2 guys who I called on that last night of drinking. Then I talked to a girl about being bi-polar. I'm bi-polar and shared some HOPE. Three years ago I felt like I was alone and had to figure it all out on my own. TODAY I see that I am never alone and don't have to look very far to find people who are just like me....
Picture is of my last drunk. I took it to remember. I think It's farout that you can see a stained glass cross over my shoulder...just noticed that after 3 years....:)
ReplyDelete