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Monday, January 9, 2012

Soul Parole...I was... and I AM....

I never sat down to write a book. It's strange to me as I look at all of the separate chapters cobbled together that they have become one. Each is a glimpse into a lifetime of addiction, and only a snapshot of my sobriety. I am no guru or doctor. The only sure fire advice I can give you in recovery is don't pick-up the first and you won't have to worry about the next thousand. A recovering alcoholic/addict passed that message on to me. I hope you pass it on to someone who thinks they are "one of a kind," like I once did. I was right and wrong. I am not alone in how I look at the world. I am part of a special kind of people called alcoholics and addicts.

The book began as part of a blog I started called "Every Day is a Gift." I believe each day is. In recovery I was taught to live day to day, sometimes moment to moment because my mind is where my addictions are anchored. The pain of my past, FEAR and uncertainty of the future and the futility of trying to manage all of my baggage made living comfortably, with me, impossible. I USED to escape me, not you. In the 12 months I wrote Soul Parole the blog was read by over 13,000 people in 55 countries on 6 continents(see Appendix). It blows my mind. Addiction is universal. Suffering is a choice. I could not stay sober on my own. I share my journey. I pray that I never think I have reached my destination.

Each of the chapters were done in one sitting in one flow of consciousness. I wanted to keep my thoughts honest and unedited. By the time of publishing Editors have gone back and fixed punctuation, grammar and sentence structure. Not Content. I can see evolution in the pages. When I ask my mentor if I'm getting better he says, "your getting different." I'll settle for that. The point is that I am moving forward sober.

Some have said that my stories always have a sugary ending. That may be so. Make no mistake, sobriety is not easy. Sometimes it really stinks! My problems and pressures build and I want to run to the corner, grab a bottle and take a liquid vacation! That would leave me with a hangover, the problems, and a huge pile of some new ones.

I choose to seek solutions now. Addiction and depression is about being trapped in darkness and feeling there is no hope to see light. I don't suddenly have rainbows and fairy dust falling in my path. I FEEL now. I FACE now. These things were once inconceivable to me. Squeaky and I fight, I fail as a father, son and friend. Sobriety has shown me my character flaws. I can go back and try to right what I have wronged, where once I just fled.

I have been blessed to work on comedy stages and in films and on TV. I have come far in a short time according to the calendar. I love acting and making people laugh. My acting is a passion. Making people laugh is a gift. We all have them. Share them. I may never make it to HBO or HOLLYWOOD. That's fine. If I help a few people along their journey to sobriety then my 28 years of addiction was not in vain. There were people who held their hand out freely and showed me a new way to live. I will do the same.

Living in the moment is a gift. GOD has no beginning or end. No man can define GOD. The moment we are in RIGHT NOW has no beginning and no end. That means that right now is as close to GOD on earth as we're gonna get. Why would we take NOW for granted? Why would we take GOD for granted? I am grateful that I live for the day. Time goes faster, but I suck the marrow out of each moment....But for the grace of GOD there go I....

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