"Chasing Hollywood" and Finding My Dickie...

In late April 2011 I received a call from Jon Kinnas, owner of Atmosphere Casting, one of the major extras  film casting companies in Chicago. I had been acting for 8 months. Kinnas, Joan Philo, owner of Joan Philo Casting and Darlene Hunt, owner of Extraordinary Casting, were the three major players in extras casting in the city at the time. I had worked for Darlene on many occasions. She gave me my first gig in "the biz" on "The Chicago Code." I will always hold a special place in my heart for her giving me my first job which was a featured extra role. Two days after my father was memorialized and I had decided to give acting a try I was in a scene with Jennifer Beals and Jason Clarke. What a feeling! It was surreal but I felt completely in my element. It was as if I had finally found what I was looking for. Sorry Bono. I did 7 more episodes of the show.

During those eight months I did some other extras work, got an agent, did more comedy but really wanted to "act." As a proud Columbia College Alum I reached out and did 2 student films and landed a commercial. Actors have mixed feelings on working student films. I have had only one bad experience. When I am in down time I want to develop my craft. Student films are one avenue that let me choose roles that allow me to stretch my acting wings and play characters I normally don't get cast for. I also wanted to give back to the college I graduated from. I will always make Columbia a part of my life and career.

Jon is pure Chicago. He is street smart, passionate and loves what he does. He takes care of his clients and he looks out for his actors. During our conversation he said that he had a special role in a film that was a documentary with a mocumentary portion in it. My role was to be a "super fan." He knew I was a comic. He gave me the name of the "mark" and said the guy was a "real character" named James Vallo. He told me to keep the project to myself and he would send me the details. There are a lot of comics in town. I am thankful he thought of me. I am grateful to Jon for giving me my first principal acting role.

I hung up the phone and put James Vallo into Google. Instantly I saw why Jon had called Mr. Vallo a "character". Vallo had been mentored by Ed Asner and is an actor, writer, producer, filmmaker and ultimate self-promoter. He had his first on screen appearance in "Sixteen Candles." As a filmmaker he has done films such as "Spaced Out," "Sister Mary," "Not Just Another B Movie" amongst others. Vallo is passionate and flamboyant. His movies are in the spirit of Jon Waters meets Ed Wood. Vallo is a master at bringing the sitcom stars of yesterday into his films. In a Vallo film you will see familiar faces like Erin Moran and Butch Patrick, Judy Tenuta and Larry Thomas. Mainly you will see James Vallo and he is a pretty good actor in my opinion.

I read as much as I could about Vallo's upbringing, movies and career. Jon sent me the address and the number for my contact person Bart and I was off to a pizza place in the far northwest suburbs. It was billed as an autograph signing featuring Vallo, Actor Robert Z'dar, Writer/Director/Filmmaker John Wesley Norton, a  few Vallo film regulars and a comic book creator. On the way I was trying to decide how to play the fan. I decided I would let the environment lead me. There are a lot of Freudian references in "Spaced Out" so my name would be Richard "Dickie" Connor.

I arrived 30 minutes before my "super fan" appearance. I called the number and Bart Tumbarello co- writer/ director of what would become "Chasing Hollywood' answered the phone with a "Yeah!" Bart has a thick Italian/Cicero accent right out of the book. It was like we were in a sting operation. I was told to hold in the lot and he would call me. Five minutes after that I was to make my way in. The call came and I entered the pie Joint.

I was greeted by the familiar face of Mary-Jo Brown whom I had worked with on "The Code." She was acting as a reporter covering the event and interviewing Vallo's fans. I slipped into a kind of "Rainmanesque" shy but obsessed fan figure and side stepped my way to where James Vallo held court. He was on top of the world. I introduced myself and he autographed posters, videos and a page of a book Ed Asner had written the foreword for about Volunteer Vacations. It was priceless. Vallo was in Heaven. Dickie was in awe. They were a match made for each other.

In person Bart Tumbarello matched his voice to the T. He's a guy's guy, old school. He was born 30 years too late because he would fit perfectly into 30's or 40's when it comes to the code of honor, loyalty, hard work and trust. We became fast friends. He explained that they would interview me and was firm in stating to stay in character at all times. I had just put my beloved lab down earlier that week. Her name was Dakota. We called her Cooter. When I was interviewed by Mary-Jo I felt compelled to share my story of how close Dickie and Cooter were.

A few weeks after the pizza shoot Bart called me and said the Dickie footage was hilarious and he wanted to come out and get some footage at my house. I collect Hollywood and Sports Memorabilia and I started to come up with some ideas on how the meeting with James Vallo might have impacted the introverted Dickie. I built a small shrine with pizza crusts and votive candles and hung his picture next to autographed pictures of the Dalai Lama and Robert Englund as Freddy. We shot some footage and laughed. Bart had brought Tony Passarella his co-writing and directing partner and Chuck Kelly who was working sound for the day and one of the creative team behind the film. We laughed as I improvised my love of James and compared him to Nicholson, Redford, Walken and the Dalai Lama.

The art of acting and not-acting is a thin line. I've always thought the best actors are the ones' who don't. My wife Squeaky was home. Bart and Tony thought we should bring her in as Dickie's wife. She came up with the name Pina to stay in the phallic vein. She was petrified. She is from Berwyn. Bart slipped into Cicero talk. She into Berwynisms. Both of them are Italian and batta-bing-batta-boom Bart had her whipped up into a frenzy. We started to roll tape. I had a vaporizer I had taken from our bedroom that I was going to put in our basement. It was on the sink and became a part of the scene. When you see the film. The exchange between Dickie and Pina was done in one take.

 Squeaky is a natural. I have heard that from Jon Kinnas and David Brenner and she has no desire to act. God love her. I can say that Dickie and Pina will be doing some more projects in the future with Tony and Bart. The two of them are like family to us. The hardest part of the filming was trying not to laugh because Tony and Chuck were nearly dying off camera and we had to stay in character. It was great to be on film with my wife.

The film came out wonderful. The beginning of "Chasing Hollywood" features Antonio Fargas better known as "Huggy Bear" from the 70's hit Starsky and Hutch, Larry Thomas "The Soup Nazi" from Seinfeld," Reggie Bannister from Phantasm and countless horror movies talking about their start in the business. Intertwined with that is many of my Chicago acting friends giving snippets on their take on the road to Hollywood. There is the plight of the "Iowa Girls." The middle is heartwarming with a true Hollywood love story and of course James Vallo shows up throughout. Jon was right he is a character. It is a James Vallo Film.

 I heard that James thought Dickie had been following him for years. That's probably just a joke. As an actor that would be compliment. I met him at the "Chasing Hollywood" Premiere as me. He is a charming guy, a true artist and his passion second to none.  The film just appeared at the Naperville film festival and distribution details are coming out soon. I will post how to get the film when available.The video posting from the film at the top of the blog are with the permission of the filmmakers.

WARNING IT DOES CONTAIN MATURE THEMES. I will be forever grateful to Jon Kinnas, Bart Tumbarello, Tony Passarella and all the people in and who made "Chasing Hollywood" so much fun. It is a great film if your looking to get into the business, love show business or just like a good flick. Check it out!

As for Dickie and Pina. They are still together and looking to settle down in the suburbs. They love Chicago as much as me and Squeaky do...

CONTAGION...and a VIRUS I PLAN TO CATCH THAT IS SHAMELESS!

The highly anticipated film CONTAGION hit the big screen this week. I am one of the many extras who had an opportunity to appear in this blockbuster film directed by Steven Soderbergh. As usual Soderbergh brings out the A list with Matt Damon, Gwyneth Paltrow, Jude Law, Larry Fishburne, Kate Winslet and Bryan Cranston. When Mr. Soderbergh calls you pick up up the phone. His films are always exciting and action packed and most importantly money makers. The Oceans 11 trilogy is an example of his mastery of the camera and ease at bringing the best to the projects he directs. Whatever he creates brings people to the theater. His movies sell period.

Shot around the world Chicago was just a stop on the CONTAGION whirlwind filming tour. I was lucky enough to work on the film for 4 days. I worked one day with Larry Fishburne and "Breaking Bad" Bryan Cranston, 2 days with Kate Winslet and one day as a  foreign dignitary. I worked 3 of the 4 days with Steven Soderbergh. As a comic I have to point out that although he plays some intense characters Bryan Cranston could be a comic in a heartbeat. He is a riot! He was slinging one liners like newspapers on the day I shot a large group scene with him and Fishburne. Mr. Fishburne is intense and has a great smile.

As an extra you are generally just background. People don't notice you because they are focused on the stars. Occasionally you are bumped up to what is known as a featured extra. The pay is the same and you have no lines but you are given a role in the film. That is a specific character in a scene. I was lucky enough to be cast as Superintendent of Schools in a small scene that was shot in and in front of the armory here in Chicago with Kate Winslet. It was just Kate, Steven Soderbergh, the crew, a few supporting actors and my Chicago acting friends Steve Price, Ric Rumowski, Scott Bagowicz and 2 other gentleman.

The Armory was massive and I was struck by a few thing working on this particular day. The first was that Steven Soderbergh was on set everyday I had been on the film. He was involved in every scene that I had worked on. He was not the high and mighty Director. He was approachable and very gentle and attentive to all in his world. Extras like me were not treated like second hand citizens, which can be the case sometimes. Mr. Soderbergh was just a regular guy. It was really cool. I hope I don't end up on the editing floor.

Next came Kate. She has a natural beauty and aura that emmanates from her. She is the farthest thing from a diva as you can get. She ate with the crew. She talked with everyone and could hold her own with a room full of sailors when it came to her vocabulary but she also has the grace of a swan. It was awesome being in a scene with just the 9 of us. It was refreshing to see her be just a person. I have heard stories of extras being thrown off of sets for saying hello to an actor. That's right! I also heard a story from a Chicago extra who worked with an A list celebrity from Boston who was told not to even look at him between takes. Come on! Are you kidding me?!

I had the same great experience with Kate Winslet on Contagion as I did when I worked with William H. Macy on season 1 of "Shameless." He came into the extras holding area and asked us about our lives and families. He asked us if we wanted to take pics with him. When I was shooting a scene with him (I'm in the episode where the youngest daughter abducts the baby) he directed me on how to approach him as the  director walked away. I was cast as his neighbor. The fame or his job had not gotten to his head and soul. He is still just William Macy.

That is how I hope to be in my career as an actor, comic and author. Steven Soderbergh thanked me when we wrapped the that day of the Contagion shoot. ME an extra. That is right thinking and grateful living. William Macy and Kate Winslet hung out with the crowd and remembered where they started out. That is sharing with your compatriots and realizing your blood is red like mine.

We all are born, live and die. The movies are cool. Comedy is fun. Writing the book has been cathartic and hopefully will touch some hearts. The fact is we are all just flesh bones blood and soul. What you do on the outside may be interesting. It's what you do for each other that is vital. Teachers, Firemen, Cops and Soldiers are Stars in my book. I will make helping others a part of my life for whatever's left of it. If I ever reach a point in my career where I don't eat with the crew, or hang with the extras, or help a friend in need then I will have forgotten that GOD gave me all these wonderful blessings and understand when they all disappear...

Ain't life Zany!

I'm just back from the left coast. Man I dig California. There is nothing I can think of that I don't like about the Golden State except the traffic during rush hour. As a Chicagoan even that was just an irritation, not a real frustration. While I was there I sought professional treatment for a phobia I have had for 30 years. I'm not ready to talk about it yet but I am grateful to say that the therapy worked.

When I woke up in my hotel room after my 17 hour odyssey from Chicago I was greeted by an email I have waited and prayed on for years. It was an invitation to perform at the "Rising Star Showcase" at Zanie's Comedy Club on Wells street in the heart of Chicago. That particular Zanie's is the original location and the jewel of the franchise. It is THE comedy club a comic shoots for coming up in the Chicago circuit. It is one of the elite comedy franchise names in the country.

I had been trying for several months to get a spot on the showcase but was coming up short with every email of rejection. Last Sunday, July 24, 2011 Bert Haas confirmed a slot for me in a simple to the point reply. Be at the club at 7:30 August 1, 2011. Clean Material. Bring a Press Kit. That was the gist of it. I was thousands of miles from Squeaky and had no one to share my elation with. That is with the exception of the big guy upstairs.

During the 4 on and off years I went to Columbia College I would walk up Wells Street and stop by the famous club where the greats had performed. I knew Carlin and Brenner, Williams and Martin had stood in the doorway and on the stage just behind the locked doors. I imagined myself doing jokes there. The roar of the crowd deafening. I would slay 'em.

The reality of my life was that I was high or drunk and was on my way to the porn shops that were farther up Wells, beyond the sterile area where the comedy shrine stood. I had never picked up a pen and put it to paper. All my dreams of comedy and acting and simply living life as a responsible human being were in my head. It was all about what I was going to do tomorrow or someday. Not today. Today I was high. I just wanted to be high.

I flipped my way through the pages of the magazines feeding darker addictions that took me out of myself and my racing thoughts. It wasn't the pictures. It was the rush and the naughtiness, the long walk and the anticipation of what awaited me. Addiction is just as much, if not more ritual, than the actual using. It is the whole package, not just the high.

On the way back down to the school I would pass by the club and dream some more unrealistic dreams and hop on the train back to Mokena downing a six pack for the hour ride home. Zanie's always stayed in my mind. It was just in my mind like everything else. Little did I know that the club would come back into my reality when I was working for Harrah's Casino in Joliet.

In 1991, as a member of group sales, it was my job to go to bars and restaurants and set up trips to the casino. My drinking was at an all time high or low depending on perspective. My boss gave me a lead which  was Zanie's on Wells. I met a limo driver named Paul A. He was trying to set up trips from the club to the casino. We met and went to the club. I was mesmerized. My eyes went in and out of focus from awe and a killer hangover. I had made it back, still no jokes and a bigger drunk. My follow up was terrible with Paul and Harrah's and both relationships ended on poor terms.

Tonight I return to Zanies as a performer. At 8pm I will be humbled beyond words. I am sober. I am a new creature. By the grace of God and other alcoholics, addicts and those who suffer from depression I no longer feel alone or that I am a victim or martyr. The beauty I see in women is in my wife. I have put my pen to paper and have written jokes. I have also put my soul into these pages. I hope I have shown others that there is choice. You don't have to use. You do need to ask for help. You can't get sound advice from an unsound mind. When the light hits my face tonight and I stand where the legends have stood I don't care if a single sole laughs. I caught the dream and will remember it.

My 180 at a 360 Degree Tour!

Anyone who knows me is painfully aware that I am a music nut! I take great joy in sharing the sounds that man creates from native chants to rock classics with anyone who is willing to listen. This has been the case since I was about 4. Sometimes it is easier for me to express how I am feeling through a song than trying to speak the words myself. I usually say exactly the opposite of what I am trying to convey.

My combined album, CD, and MP3 collection easily surpasses 30,000 songs. I am a true audiophile. I can talk for hours on end about the most useless rock facts. I dream of going on Jeopardy and Alex reveals an all music clue board. My bets would be full boat on the daily double every time. Along with hearing great music I enjoy seeing live performances as well. The three artists I have seen most are Elvis Costello, Bob Dylan and U2.

From the list you can see that my big three share a common thread. They are all good musicians, great song writers and complete artists. I love artists who are devoted to their art, regardless of the critical response. Dylan is not a singer. He is a poet who delivers the poetry via a rough, acquired taste voice. His songs are meant to be experienced, not enjoyed for their aesthetic vocal quality. It's in the word cobbling. If you are looking for just sound Josh Groban is he ticket. I am a lyrics guy plain and simple.

U2 is one of my favorite bands of ALL time. They are my modern Beatles. Larry is Ringo, Edge is George, Adam is Paul (bass playing only) and Bono is John. I started listening to them in 1982 when "WAR" hit the airwaves. It was their third album. I told everyone to check them out and that they would be huge. I wish I would have kept my mouth shut.

I first saw them in 1986 on the Amnesty International, "Conspiracy of Hope" Tour with, The Police, Peter Gabriel, Lou Reed, Joan Baez, The Neville Brothers, Robin Williams and Bryan Adams. They were surreal live. The Police were breaking up and U2 was the new guard. I was hammered and hopeful and ate up the show like pablum. Who wouldn't with that line up? They wrapped up the night with Pete Seeger's "I Shall Be Released." I was in musical nirvana.

I would end up seeing them a year later on the Joshua Tree Tour. They were growing. The songs were getting deeper, more spiritual and they oozed with raw charisma. It would be 5 years until I would see them again but I made up for it by seeing them 3 times on the Zoo TV Tour. Once indoors at the Allstate Arena, twice outdoors back to back at the then World Music Theater. Public Enemy opened for them and traffic was so bad they flew the band members in individually by helicopter. As the choppers set down and each of the guys hunkered down under the spinning wind blasting rotors I felt like I was at Woodstock. I was behaving like I was as well. It was 1992.

My next experience live with the boys from Dublin was in 2005 during the "All That You Can't Leave Behind Tour." I took Andrea/Hemingway with me. I had passed my love for U2 onto her and they were common ground for us in an otherwise shifting plate existence. The band was great and she loved the show. I felt like a small crack was formed in our complicated relationship. Squeaky went as well and it was a nice family night out beyond the $300 price tag. That made it a mini-vacation. I was "DRY" but had some herb before the show so was not sober.

Fast forward to the current day U2 and me. They were playing a gig at Soldier Field with tickets upwards of $275 dollars. They had sold out to Big Brother in my book. How much money did they need? I don't know how much they donate and do know that Bono's work with AIDS and hunger in Africa earned him the Nobel Peace Prize but come on! A few days before the show I checked online and some $30 tickets were available. I toyed with the idea of going. The best available were behind the stage.

The morning of the show I checked again and a single ticket was available dead center. Like Charlie ripping open a Wonka Bar looking for a golden ticket I ran for my wallet and entered my info carefully watching that demon clock counting down the time in the corner to complete my transaction. I swear my ability to enter information is cut in half while that doomsday device is determined to prevent me from buying me my seat. I made it. Barely! I printed my ticket and was off to see the boys for my seventh and decidedly last time.

Things were different this time. I went to the show alone and did not drive. I took the train downtown then caught a bus. I didn't buy the forty dollar shirt. I bought the $20 version from the parking lot guy. I didn't realize there was an opening act, Interpol. They are very good, 4 stars in my book. There were 2 trains back to Joliet that night 9:45 and 11:15. I had to drive my wife to Oak Brook at 5:15am the next morning and had a full day engagement. The show started at 7pm promptly. Interpol played the usual 40 minutes. I assumed that U2 would hit the stage about 8:00.

I love people watching. It is a hobby I adore and one that adds to my acting skills...I hope. The booze was flying. Old familiar smells wafted by. I was sober. You see that was part of my quest. I had never seen the band sober. I wanted my fascination with the band to come 360 with them. Just like the name of the current tour. They approached the stage to the booming sounds of Bowie's "Space Oddity," one of my all time favorite songs. It was like God knew I was looking for closure. It was also 8:40pm.

They opened with a handful of songs from "Achtung Baby." They had aged as I had. Bono was less flamboyant. Their hair was white or salt and pepper like mine. They were just men, human like me. They're just guys who have really cool jobs. The bubble had burst. The music was still great but the hypnotic chemical fascination gone. I realized it was the music that had drawn me to the band and I do recommend seeing them once if you have the chance. I had seen them all those times so I could rationalize getting hammered.

God sent me a final message. It was coming up on 9:30. The band had been playing for 45 minutes and Bono started talking about his wife Ali who had been with him through thick and thin and was there that night. He then introduced "Out of Control," their first minor hit in America. He said that she stayed with him even when things were out of control. I listened to the song, picked up my things and headed for the train. I called Squeaky on the way home. She was in bed. She had stuck by me when I was out of control and needed me in the morning. 45 minutes sober was quite enough for this ol' boy. I caught a cab to Lasalle street and just made my train.

On the way home I felt blessed to have gone to see U2 one more time. I had $48 dollars left in my pocket from the hundred I bought. In my wild days I would have brought home dust and IOU's. I put the song "40" on my MP3 player, U2's reference to Psalms 40 and my life verse. I fell asleep, stirring as we rolled up to Mokena, my boyhood home. I made it home and into bed by midnight. I kissed my wife and gave thanks to a truly merciful God. I reviewed my day then was out like a light.

I was as fresh as a daisy taking Miss Squeaky to Oak Brook the following morning. There was no hangover, regrets or tired eyes; only thankfulness.

Spring in Chicago Means...... Baseball and Film Season is Here!

I have been busy. I hope you have. When I'm busy I don't have time to think and worry, obsess and isolate. Most people hope for the days when their schedule slows down and they can catch their breath. Not me. I like when things are crazy, busy, day packed top to bottom. It's when I'm bored and alone that the carnival I know as my mind takes me to the fun house with those mirrors that distort things and make me uncomfortable. I guess as part of my basic make up I enjoy chaos.

I have started writing for a publisher and have had some articles and photographs published already. You can find these at www.triond.com/tommyconnolly . The venture is something I have always wanted to do: to be a published author. So many of my dreams are coming true. None of them would be possible without the help of God, recovery and friends like you. At 45 I may be falling apart but I am catching my dreams. I'm not chasing them anymore. The difference between a dream and a reality is one you imagine and one you do.

I have been lining up more comedy dates and have worked on 2 films with a third this weekend. You might say I am a man on a mission. I am. I wasted so much time, being wasted for so much of the time. Now I am doing productive things. I have helped a handful of people jump into the film business. That rocks my world. I try to put 2 smiles on people's faces for every frown I created over 28 years of addiction and depression. I try to play tag with the world. When I tag someone it's with hope and encouragement that life is for living, not being frozen in a moment or trapped in fear. You can start your life over with the next sunrise. All you have to do is do.

Baseball has begun and my beloved White Sox are doing okay. The pitching is average but over all I am optimistic about the season. More importantly, the warmer weather brings film and TV work to Chicago, the most beautiful city in the world. There are pilots being shot in town for MTV, a pilot for a comedy starring Frazier, funny man Kelsey Grammar, Superman is heading back into town and so many more projects I hope to have work up through Christmas. I have already worked on one of the projects. It was a 13 hour day and I loved it!

There is nothing like the insanity and collective vision on a set. I could spend hours just watching the crew setting the lighting, moving the sets, placing the props. The only thing I don't like about the film business is that they aren't too thrilled with Chicago winters. There should be more films about hockey, ice fishing and figure skating. That would solve the problem.

On the home front, sobriety is day to day. I am doing all the things I need to do to maintain it. When I am busy I need to ALWAYS keep God and the knowledge of my addictive past at the center of my mind and heart and work from there. If I start to slip away from sobriety, I will step right back into a bar or dope house. That's the fact Jack! 

I miss Cooter, big dumb dog. She has been gone for almost a month now. My mom had to put her Chloe down and that brought all the feelings of loss rushing back. I love my dogs with every ounce of my being but saying goodbye hurts me the same as if it were one of my children. I have gotten more involved with PET PARDON. Please look for them on Face book. You can find them on my page at www.facebook.com/tommyconnollycomedian . You can adopt or sponsor a dog. You can even be a virtual foster parent. Please check out Kiva.com as well.

KIVA is a non-profit organization that is a charity where you and I LOAN money to people whom we choose from around the world to help them become entrepreneurs for as little as $25 bucks! It's not a hand out. You can track the progress of the project you fund and the person you are supporting. It is a beautiful concept and one I am honored to be a part of.

There has been some craziness too. My daughter Andrea is coming home from Germany soon. I can't wait. She has been helping me with my articles. She is an amazing editor and I am looking forward to giving her a wet sloppy kiss on her beautiful Italian face! Sunny is doing well for the most part but has had a set back or two. We love and support her, but can't keep her locked in a cage. Like all of us, she is given free choice in this world to make her own decisions. I just pray for her to find the way to a straight path. She is attracted to the rocky road like a magnet. She reminds me of me and I am powerless over her choices. I can share my love, my God and my hope with her. The rest is up to her.

Well I guess that's the quick update. Last night they ran "The Chicago Code" episode that began my journey to today. My father's memorial service was on a Friday and I appeared in the episode 3 days later. I took the chance. I caught a dream. I got off my butt and went for it. Life is always full of the things we are going to do the next day or we waste today regretting yesterday. That is such wasted energy and time. Today is a gift, that IS why it's the PRESENT! God Bless. Catch a dream today and spread a little sunshine today. Love ya!

Easter with the family.....Hope for Humanity...And A New Outlet For Da' Gift!

Happy Easter! I hope you spent it with your family. If not I hope you spent it happily, doing something that brings you joy. I am a Christian so the day had happiness and hope surrounding it for me. I also spent it with my kids and had a Skype call with my daughter in Germany. I saw or spoke with all the kids, with the exceptions of Kelly. I am confident, that wherever she is, her mother made her day special as well.

12 years ago today I was in rehab. It put the day in perspective for me. Easter 1999 was a family day at "SHARE" rehabilitation in Hoffman Estates. None of my family came to see me. I had lost that privilege. The lies and manipulation of my alcoholism an addiction had left me on the inside looking out and the outside looking inward. It wasn't a wasted day in my life. It was a painful one, yes, but I was growing and I know now that's exactly where I was supposed to be at that moment in my life. Why? Because it made this one possible.

The kids know everything about my past. It keeps me honest with myself and them. I hope it also provides them with insight into the pain and horrors I went through to reach the gifts of today. Squeaky made a wonderful ham and chicken dinner and we gave "Da' Schmutz," our Pekingese/Chin, a shave. She didn't care for it all that much. After we ate and were done with the grooming I reflected on where I was at this moment. I realized that what I have is beyond thousands of people's wildest dreams. By American standards I am middle class. By third world standards, I am a king!

I am grateful for what I have. I am more grateful for what I haven't been given. Starting tomorrow, "Every Day is a Gift NOW" will move to the world of talk radio. Specifically it will move to www.blogtalkradio.com/tommyconnolly  

The first show will be on at 9:30-10am Central time. Click on the link and enjoy the show. The time slot is temporary. I will be taking the program to an "on demand" format almost immediately. Filming season is beginning here in Chicago and I will know in the next few days if I will be part of a new pilot. There is also the rumors of a second season of "The Chicago Code" and a few projects I have brewing. Acting and comedy is not a spectator sport. If you want to get in the game you have to be constantly looking for opportunities where players are needed.

The show will go beyond addiction and depression issues. I want to break the fourth wall and bring your stories into the show. I also want to talk about chasing your dreams and making life happen TODAY! The radio format will also open up the chance for me to bring in guests from the film, TV, radio, comedy and acting industry to share professional and personal inspiration with you guys. It's time to kick this thing up a notch!

I will continue to do this show on "Blogtalkradio." I like that the radio blog will allow for dialogue. There is nothing more refreshing and provocative than two minds or more engaged in creative problem solving. I am looking forward to the challenge.

That's all I got for now. I hope you tune in. If not, keep reading. Remember Every Day is a Gift...That's why They Call it the PRESENT. Peace and Love.

Me a Cop? "The Chicago Code" Basic Police Code Course with John Folino, Jr.

I hope you guys caught last night's episode "Cabrini Green" on "The Chicago Code".  I was in the FOX episode 3 times. I am truly grateful to be a part of such a quality show that focuses on the real life portrayal of the life of a Chicago police officer. Detective John Folino, Jr. is the "go to guy" and technical advisor who works with show creator and writer Shawn Ryan. He makes the show authentic and insists on "respect for the uniform." He also embraces the importance of the brotherhood that is represented in the show. Sunday, I was lucky enough to take a basic police code course for the program with John, Henry Rush, a Veteran of the force, and a handful of "Chicago Code" actors.

It was surreal for me as I drove to the course which is taught in Elmwood Park, Illinois. In my years of active alcoholism and addiction, Elmwood Park was close to where I spent my year plus days of homelessness and total despair. Stone Park was my turf for 2 years as I struggled to find sobriety. When I say home, I was homeless living in my car, occasionally staying at one of the many transient motels along Route 45/Lagrange Road. As I drove by some of those old haunts, bars and liquor stores, I couldn't help but remember the pain I endured as an addict 14 years earlier. At that time, Lagrange Road in Stone Park was a playground for drunks, dealers, thugs and Vice. I blended in perfectly with the scenery, stumbling to my hotel, living my life in a loop of addiction, fear, pain and isolation.

As a person who made it to the other side of addiction and alcoholism, I couldn't help but thinking every day really is a gift. I knew then that each day that I hopped on the merry-go-round of hell that had become my life, might be my last. Folino pointed out to us that every day an officer leaves for work he realizes it may be his last. As I flashed forward to my participation in the class I was reminded that I am one of the lucky ones and sobriety is truly amazing. I was actually driving toward the police and was looking forward to spending my day with them. In those dark years, I did everything I could to avoid them. It would be more likely for me to dine with Elvis than to spend an afternoon with a guy and a badge.

The course is designed for extras and actors to learn some basic police vocabulary, weapon handling, cuffing and protocol. The goal of the course is to teach "respect for the uniform and the people who risk their lives to protect us daily." One of the interesting things John hit on was the city of Chicago flag and its meaning. The 2 blue bars represent the Northside and Southside. The four red stars represent the Great fire of 1871, the 1893 Columbian Exposition, Fort Dearborn (commerce), and the Century of Progress World Exposition. Thank John and Henry for that info when you win your next game of trivial pursuit.

       (Truly honored. Me and Det. John Folino, Jr., Technical Advisor "The Chicago Code.")

The thing that struck me the most about John was his passion and dedication to his profession and his insistence to keeping consistent, professional respect for wearing the uniform for the city of Chicago. As a full-time member of the force and his work on "The Chicago Code", Folino still makes time to teach actors how to "portray" an officer on his time off. John also works with families of fallen officers who gave their lives to serve and protect US! From the way a hat is properly worn, to the proper presentation of the uniform, no detail is too small for John to overlook.

Most "cop" shows pay little attention to protocol and the respect that should be given to the position of honor as an officer. We spent most of our day discussing that. We learned proper weapon handling, cuffing, searches and professionalism. John Folino and Henry Rush are two guys who represent the city, the department and "The Chicago Code" the way it should be, with integrity and honor. I look forward to future courses Mr. Folino rolls out for the cast of the show.

By participating in the show it opens up more opportunities for me in season two. You guys keep watching because the show only gets hotter from here. People have said I could be related to Jason Clarke's character Jarek. I hope casting thinks the same way. I will still pursue my dream of landing a speaking role on the show. That would be amazing. If not, I know that if I am cast as an officer or detective, I will treat the uniform and position with the greatest respect.

It's been 14 years since my addiction put me on the other side of the badge. Sobriety and recovery are a gift that I don't take lightly. Stressing the importance of how members of the Chicago Police Department are brothers and family, working with each other to make our world safer, reminds me of recovery itself. You can't do it on your own. That's the fact! You can start your life over any day you choose to when you are "sick and tired of being sick and tired." I am living proof of that. A few short years ago when I was lost in addiction and booze you could never get me to believe I would be taking a police training course and on a hit TV show. The fact that I have, is testimony that in sobriety anything is possible.

When your house is on fire and you see a huge red firetruck racing to save your home, there's relief. Your first thought is of thanks that your home may be saved. In most cases when folks like you and me see a police car with flashing lights we think, "Oh no, what did I do?" Both professions are there to make our lives better and our communities safer. I understand that now and will never look at a police officer the same way again. Thanks John, Henry and Darlene! Keep watching!

Angels and Dreamins'.....Near Death Experiences and Visitations! Part Three!

I would like to direct you guys to a link that has found its way into my heart. Being diagnosed as clinically depressed with general anxiety disorder myself,
this organization fights to open people's minds up to the stigma attached to having chemical imbalance or disorders. I hope you will check it out. It is http://NKM2.org/ . The goal is to stomp out the stigma attached to depression and other mental disorders. You will be surprised by some people you know who suffer from these conditions.

The first two chapters in this series centered on unexplained experience and my near death experience. Some of you may think I'm nuts. You're right! I have the paperwork to prove it! This one will revolve around my father and an experience I had after his death. Since today is our game against the Packers I thought this entry was appropriate. He was the greatest Bear fan on Earth and now in Heaven! The 4th passage will revolve around dreams. Dream interpretation and manipulation has been a part of me since I was a little boy. That story is for later.

There is a term used in recovery that is "contempt prior to investigation." It is very common among alcoholics and addicts. More specifically, I think most of us take part in it. To explain the meaning of the phrase I will give a simple childhood analogy. When we were young and we saw some food that didn't look delicious, when asked to try it we would shout,"No! It's yucky! We stood resolute that the food would be bad even though we didn't taste it.

As adults we do this as well. How many times have you pulled up to a corner and seen a clearly dirty person and thought, "What a bum?" I know I have done it in the past. We see people who are ethnically different or practice rituals that don't match ours and decry,"What they're doing is wrong!" These are all examples of contempt prior to investigation. It is making a decision or passing judgement on something before we have experienced it or gotten all the facts. It is a rejection of something or someone before we know anything about them.

In recovery, contempt prior to investigation is rampant in the addict. We judge everything and everyone like we are the all knowing and powerful. We are Gods! We determine that recovery programs won't work or therapy for depression is hooey and for "crazy" people. We decide what is going to happen before we have even tried it. Therefore we don't have to try it because we have already predetermined that it won't work. Thus giving us the out. How many times have you taken the chance on that ugly contemptible food only to find it was remarkably good? Corned beef hash looks like leftovers from a fraternity party and I love the stuff. Why? Because I opened my mind to the possibility that my preconceived opinions might not be right and gave it a shot with an open mind.

When it comes to "after death" experiences, hauntings, visitations, UFOs, spirits and intelligent life existing elsewhere in the galaxy we fall into one of two camps: I believe or that's a bunch of horse hockey! It is my experience that the more open minded I am about these subjects, and all of life itself, I learn and grow. I often find out that my ideas and notions were off base. I try to keep an open mind about everything. Who am I to decide what is and what isn't possible? The more my mind opens up to foreign concepts that I once decried as impossible or wrong, the more balanced I become.

When my father died I was concerned about where he was headed after death. He was an Agnostic (he believed in some creator but not sure what it was). He became more receptive to the concepts of heaven and hell towards the end. I took communion to him in his bed and he confessed his faith. My sister Chris would read the Bible to him and he really began to enjoy it. We all prayed with him and I was surprised he knew the "Lord's Prayer." I have said before an Atheists last words are..."I was only kidding!" It makes complete sense that as we approach our death we become more receptive to another dimension out of fear or to cover our basis just in case.

I am certain there is a Heaven and Hell. I know I'm going to Heaven! I obsessed about my father's final destination incessantly. Obsession is part of me. On the day before he passed onto the great Bear locker room in the sky I asked him a favor. I asked him to let me know that he made it to the other side. He was still coherent at that time and he said yes he would. He passed the next day and I began to wait for his message of safe passage.

When my dad was at our house he sat at the same place on one of our couches every time he visited. For the first three months after he died I slept on that couch waiting and waiting. I even hung up his favorite Bear hat and jersey above my pillow in hopes that it would be easier for him to find me. Night after night he would show up in my dreams but I waited for "the message."

3 months after his passing, and suffering from an aching back from sleeping on the couch, I got my message. It was different from the experience I had with the bridge and grey figures in 2004. He didn't kneel down next to the couch and say "hey little buddy I made it." It was different and amazing. He kept his promise.

I don't sleep well as you may know from the odd hours I am on FB or posting blogs. On this particular morning I was napping on the couch after a recovery meeting. As I began to doze off I opened my eyes and saw two figures at the top of my stairs leading to the kitchen. They were about 15 feet from the couch, his couch. These figures were more defined than my first experience. One was tall, very tall like 6'8" and the other 5'10," my Father's height.

Again there were no words spoken aloud but a telepathic transfer of words and feelings. I could tell the taller figure was a guide of some sort. It stood behind my father and did not communicate with me. It was there for my father. Both auras were bleach white and illuminating. My father's aura was that of a younger man, like when he was in his 30's. I could also notice his hair was straight, a style he wore briefly before going to his perm. He had a burgundy hue to his aura. I do not understand, nor need to know why burgundy was his color, but it was. The taller guide was in all white.

They stood at the top of the stairs and I looked at the TV to make sure I wasn't dreaming. The whole experience only lasted about 15 seconds but a lot of ground was covered in that short time. My dad let me know that he was alright. I could tell he was happy. He reminded me of the pictures of when his hair was greased back and he was driving flashy Cadillacs. There were no questions asked but answers were conveyed to me. He was elated and I knew he made it to the other side.

I believe you have to be open to the possibility of these visits or they can't happen. My mind opens more and more each day. That 90% of our brains that we haven't tapped into has to serve a purpose. I believe in the next dimension. The next level of our experiences after death don't end here. Just because we experience things we don't understand, or experience them personally, doesn't make it impossible. Contempt prior to investigation prevents us from discovering so much more of what life has to offer.

My final passage in this series will involve dreams. I have been interested in dreams since I was a little boy. I will not post that until after the Bears win the NFC Championship today. This is my Dad's season. He may not get the score but we will get the victory. I believe he will help us win today. Remember: he is part of the north end zone.