Reality is Real! Act 1

Last week was my five year sobriety anniversary. Yeah. Yeah. I know it's something to be proud of. I'm grateful and do not want to diminish the accomplishment. Deep down at the core of my heart I know it's how I should have been living for the twenty-eight years I was drunk. The most important lessen I have learned in my sobriety is that the world doesn't revolve around me no matter how badly I want it to and when I live emotionally people react with theirs. We all need each other.

In all of my posts I try to keep it real. I bare my soul, warts and all, because it is easy to spin things as being rosy and bright. Behind the scenes of every TV show or film is much different than what ends up on the screen. Life is the same way. I laugh when I think back to times I was with the kids at a store yelling at them and morphing into Mr. Cleaver when an acquaintance came by. It's easy to wear a mask but if you keep it on too long you might suffocate.

I stopped writing for a while because my world was changing so fast and I lost my inner voice. As my moral compass started to get unstuck and point true north again I found myself torn in a million directions. Being bi-polar I tried to take it all on. I used to watch plate spinners on TV growing up. For the younger generation, plate spinners were entertainers like jugglers. A long row of metal rods were strewn across the stage while a performer would spin plates on each one and run back and forth to keep them from crashing to the ground. Some of the performances went perfectly. Yet, others ended in disaster as the dishes came crashing to the floor. My life became one of those less than perfect performances.

You can read about the various TV and comedy work I have done over the last 3 years and 3 months at the top of this page. I am not a SAG actor yet. Most of my film work has been as a background artist, driver or stand-in. Although I have performed comedy on some of the most familiar stages in the business my path has taken me down a road to sharing my story in Senior Communities and at fundraisers. I am not rich and famous. I'm just a guy with a cool job. 

My wife Kris, better known as Squeaky, is my best friend. She has battled kidney cancer and a myriad of health problems over the last few years. She is doing great. Cancer, like sobriety, is a one day at a time battle. There have been some scares since her kidney was partially removed. She is the star of the house. She's got bigger stones than most guys I know. When she was sick I thought I was doing the best I could as a husband and friend. I was wrong.

If you have followed the blog you know that I try to keep a positive spin on every situation. That is born out of gratitude. It can also be blinding to the reality of that situation. I know this for a fact. My own blind ambition to "make it in the business," almost cost me our marriage.

As I started to work more and write less I became obsessed with MY dreams. Little did I know that I was leaving my best friend behind. I was thrilled that my message was being well received by the groups and audiences I shared my stories with. I twisted what I thought was what Squeaky wanted into what I actually wanted. She had given me signs of growing discontentment that I ignored. Italian women say more with the unspoken word than anything that could come out of their mouths. I love it.

My odyssey to Hollywood began on September 19, 2012. I had just finished appearing on the Steve Harvey Show and Hardcore Pawn Chicago. Friend and Actor Steven Eich had an apartment on Yucca Street right behind Highland Donuts just a block from Hollywood Blvd. He was moving out in a few months and lost a roommate. I jumped at the chance to catch my dream! Squeaky was scheduled for surgery the first week of November. I would make it home for that with SAG card in hand and a ticket to easy street.

Squeaky was slipping away. She was frustrated that I was so willing to help other people but so easily dismissed her cries to have me there for her dreams. I had become alienated, or more accurately self absorbed, by my own ambition. I wanted what I wanted...when I wanted it. Everyone else had to step to the rear of the bus. I was in LA for about three days when she announced that she wanted a divorce. She told me she had moved out and we were done. I had lost the one person who had accepted me for who I was. I hadn't considered that catching her dreams were as important as mine....

Every Day Is A Gift...STILL....

More than six months have passed since I've taken time to share my thoughts on these pages. The keys are foreign to my touch. It wasn't so long ago that they seemed tethered to my heart and just moved my thoughts and emotions  from vapor to paper. I feel as if I'm reaching out to an old friend with whom was always there through the pains and triumphs of each others lives. Then something happens and you slip away from each other. The longing turns from sadness to distance, then terrible longing and hesitance to reach out again.

I plunk along hoping I can plug back in to the stream that connected me to my innermost secrets. I tell aspiring writers to let GOD do the writing and just hold on to the pen. I hope he speak once again through me.

That last writing was in Mid-September of 2012. I was preparing to drive to Hollywood and somehow obtain my SAG card. I left Chicago on September 19th. I arrived in Los Angeles on the 21st. The journey has taken me through more seasons of change in the last six months, than in the last six years. My hair has thinned and grayed.  Parts of my heart have died and new ones have been born. I lost so much and gained much more. I nearly died.

Today...I am a new creature...

I hope to talk again soon.

Tommy

SOUL PAROLE: Making Peace with My Mind, GOD and Myself is Available on Amazon.com, KINDLE and Amazon Europe. 

Proceeds benefit Chicago Area addiction, homeless and mental health programs.

"Chasing Hollywood" and Finding My Dickie...

In late April 2011 I received a call from Jon Kinnas, owner of Atmosphere Casting, one of the major extras  film casting companies in Chicago. I had been acting for 8 months. Kinnas, Joan Philo, owner of Joan Philo Casting and Darlene Hunt, owner of Extraordinary Casting, were the three major players in extras casting in the city at the time. I had worked for Darlene on many occasions. She gave me my first gig in "the biz" on "The Chicago Code." I will always hold a special place in my heart for her giving me my first job which was a featured extra role. Two days after my father was memorialized and I had decided to give acting a try I was in a scene with Jennifer Beals and Jason Clarke. What a feeling! It was surreal but I felt completely in my element. It was as if I had finally found what I was looking for. Sorry Bono. I did 7 more episodes of the show.

During those eight months I did some other extras work, got an agent, did more comedy but really wanted to "act." As a proud Columbia College Alum I reached out and did 2 student films and landed a commercial. Actors have mixed feelings on working student films. I have had only one bad experience. When I am in down time I want to develop my craft. Student films are one avenue that let me choose roles that allow me to stretch my acting wings and play characters I normally don't get cast for. I also wanted to give back to the college I graduated from. I will always make Columbia a part of my life and career.

Jon is pure Chicago. He is street smart, passionate and loves what he does. He takes care of his clients and he looks out for his actors. During our conversation he said that he had a special role in a film that was a documentary with a mocumentary portion in it. My role was to be a "super fan." He knew I was a comic. He gave me the name of the "mark" and said the guy was a "real character" named James Vallo. He told me to keep the project to myself and he would send me the details. There are a lot of comics in town. I am thankful he thought of me. I am grateful to Jon for giving me my first principal acting role.

I hung up the phone and put James Vallo into Google. Instantly I saw why Jon had called Mr. Vallo a "character". Vallo had been mentored by Ed Asner and is an actor, writer, producer, filmmaker and ultimate self-promoter. He had his first on screen appearance in "Sixteen Candles." As a filmmaker he has done films such as "Spaced Out," "Sister Mary," "Not Just Another B Movie" amongst others. Vallo is passionate and flamboyant. His movies are in the spirit of Jon Waters meets Ed Wood. Vallo is a master at bringing the sitcom stars of yesterday into his films. In a Vallo film you will see familiar faces like Erin Moran and Butch Patrick, Judy Tenuta and Larry Thomas. Mainly you will see James Vallo and he is a pretty good actor in my opinion.

I read as much as I could about Vallo's upbringing, movies and career. Jon sent me the address and the number for my contact person Bart and I was off to a pizza place in the far northwest suburbs. It was billed as an autograph signing featuring Vallo, Actor Robert Z'dar, Writer/Director/Filmmaker John Wesley Norton, a  few Vallo film regulars and a comic book creator. On the way I was trying to decide how to play the fan. I decided I would let the environment lead me. There are a lot of Freudian references in "Spaced Out" so my name would be Richard "Dickie" Connor.

I arrived 30 minutes before my "super fan" appearance. I called the number and Bart Tumbarello co- writer/ director of what would become "Chasing Hollywood' answered the phone with a "Yeah!" Bart has a thick Italian/Cicero accent right out of the book. It was like we were in a sting operation. I was told to hold in the lot and he would call me. Five minutes after that I was to make my way in. The call came and I entered the pie Joint.

I was greeted by the familiar face of Mary-Jo Brown whom I had worked with on "The Code." She was acting as a reporter covering the event and interviewing Vallo's fans. I slipped into a kind of "Rainmanesque" shy but obsessed fan figure and side stepped my way to where James Vallo held court. He was on top of the world. I introduced myself and he autographed posters, videos and a page of a book Ed Asner had written the foreword for about Volunteer Vacations. It was priceless. Vallo was in Heaven. Dickie was in awe. They were a match made for each other.

In person Bart Tumbarello matched his voice to the T. He's a guy's guy, old school. He was born 30 years too late because he would fit perfectly into 30's or 40's when it comes to the code of honor, loyalty, hard work and trust. We became fast friends. He explained that they would interview me and was firm in stating to stay in character at all times. I had just put my beloved lab down earlier that week. Her name was Dakota. We called her Cooter. When I was interviewed by Mary-Jo I felt compelled to share my story of how close Dickie and Cooter were.

A few weeks after the pizza shoot Bart called me and said the Dickie footage was hilarious and he wanted to come out and get some footage at my house. I collect Hollywood and Sports Memorabilia and I started to come up with some ideas on how the meeting with James Vallo might have impacted the introverted Dickie. I built a small shrine with pizza crusts and votive candles and hung his picture next to autographed pictures of the Dalai Lama and Robert Englund as Freddy. We shot some footage and laughed. Bart had brought Tony Passarella his co-writing and directing partner and Chuck Kelly who was working sound for the day and one of the creative team behind the film. We laughed as I improvised my love of James and compared him to Nicholson, Redford, Walken and the Dalai Lama.

The art of acting and not-acting is a thin line. I've always thought the best actors are the ones' who don't. My wife Squeaky was home. Bart and Tony thought we should bring her in as Dickie's wife. She came up with the name Pina to stay in the phallic vein. She was petrified. She is from Berwyn. Bart slipped into Cicero talk. She into Berwynisms. Both of them are Italian and batta-bing-batta-boom Bart had her whipped up into a frenzy. We started to roll tape. I had a vaporizer I had taken from our bedroom that I was going to put in our basement. It was on the sink and became a part of the scene. When you see the film. The exchange between Dickie and Pina was done in one take.

 Squeaky is a natural. I have heard that from Jon Kinnas and David Brenner and she has no desire to act. God love her. I can say that Dickie and Pina will be doing some more projects in the future with Tony and Bart. The two of them are like family to us. The hardest part of the filming was trying not to laugh because Tony and Chuck were nearly dying off camera and we had to stay in character. It was great to be on film with my wife.

The film came out wonderful. The beginning of "Chasing Hollywood" features Antonio Fargas better known as "Huggy Bear" from the 70's hit Starsky and Hutch, Larry Thomas "The Soup Nazi" from Seinfeld," Reggie Bannister from Phantasm and countless horror movies talking about their start in the business. Intertwined with that is many of my Chicago acting friends giving snippets on their take on the road to Hollywood. There is the plight of the "Iowa Girls." The middle is heartwarming with a true Hollywood love story and of course James Vallo shows up throughout. Jon was right he is a character. It is a James Vallo Film.

 I heard that James thought Dickie had been following him for years. That's probably just a joke. As an actor that would be compliment. I met him at the "Chasing Hollywood" Premiere as me. He is a charming guy, a true artist and his passion second to none.  The film just appeared at the Naperville film festival and distribution details are coming out soon. I will post how to get the film when available.The video posting from the film at the top of the blog are with the permission of the filmmakers.

WARNING IT DOES CONTAIN MATURE THEMES. I will be forever grateful to Jon Kinnas, Bart Tumbarello, Tony Passarella and all the people in and who made "Chasing Hollywood" so much fun. It is a great film if your looking to get into the business, love show business or just like a good flick. Check it out!

As for Dickie and Pina. They are still together and looking to settle down in the suburbs. They love Chicago as much as me and Squeaky do...

A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the.........Chicago Code Premiere!

A funny thing happened on the way to the Chicago premiere of "The Chicago Code." The show starts Monday February 7, 2011, at 9pm on FOX. The first month of ratings will determine if there is a season two. I'm sure there will be because the show ROCKS! It has obvious appeal to Chicagoans, being shot entirely in the city and 'burbs. The story line, edgy feel, great writing and acting by Jennifer Beals, Jason Clarke, Delroy Lindo, Matt Lauria and the rest of the cast, create a dynamic that is attractive to any audience, in any market.

I pray for a second season, not only for the work, but because the cast and crew are amazing. We need your support for this show, every week, so we get picked up for a second season! I ended up on the editing floor in the pilot, but that's show biz. I am proud to have been a part of several episodes, starting with episode 2. From the first day I walked onto the set I could feel that I was a part of something special. All the cast and crew bonded immediately and working 14 hour days became fun, no matter how physically exhausting.

The premiere party was held at Hollywood Boulevard Theatre in Woodridge. The place was packed with cast and crew and local news crews were on hand to interview some of the VIP's. Hosted by the amazing Darlene Hunt and daughter Rachel, we were greeted with gifts and an air of excitement. It was my first official premiere as an actor and my head was bobbing like a kid in a candy store. I can't tell you much about the show but the shots of Chicago, great acting and fresh plot are sure to make the show a hit. I am truly grateful to be a part of such an amazing project. But that is not where the story begins or ends.

A good friend of mine, and fellow "Chicago Code" actor, Edward Majka doesn't drive. He called me early in the afternoon to see if we could pick him up at the Downers Grove train station and get him to the premiere. I obliged and we set out early to gather up my friend. On the way I asked Squeaky if she wanted Starbucks - her liquid crack. She said no and we navigated the icy streets of Downers Grove to rendezvous at the train station. I have mentioned I have O.C.D. about being late and we arrived 30 minutes before Edward was due to arrive.

There is another Starbucks strategically located on Main Street, right across from the station. I told my wife I wanted a cup of Joe and that it was a great place to meet Edward. We purchased our coffees and I picked up the new Greg Allman CD "Low Country Blues." Four stars I might add. It is a must for Blues aficionado's. As I added sugar, cream and cinnamon to my steamy beverage, my wife spotted a flyer with a picture of a cute, wee puppy named Fiona. I was busy ripping the plastic off my Cd and stirring my coffee, running through our time table to make sure we would make the premiere on time.

Being the cynical, losing faith in humans, kinda guy I am, I thought the poster was for a missing dog. I remarked that "Some idiot probably stole the dog and has it up for sale on the Internet as we speak." My wife went on to tell me that the pup, named Fiona, was from a family that had an old dog that couldn't handle the rambunctious little Japanese Chin/Pekingese playmate. They also had a nephew who was allergic to her and it limited his ability to visit his auntie regularly. My wife looked at me. Her eyes spoke volumes. I had seen it before when we rescued Grace! I called the number and asked the owner to meet us back at the coffee shop at 8:30.

We grabbed Edward and shot to the premiere party. Squeaky was speaking in the present tense about Fiona, the 1 1/2 year old, 8 pound Pekingese/Chin. "Do you like her name?", "How do you think she WILL get along with Grace?" I played the straight man telling her to slow down and we would talk about it later. Inside, I am as squishy as wet sand between your toes when it comes to animals. It's humans that seem to rub me the wrong way. As we watched the premiere I could tell Squeaky was already picking out places to put her bed and how to configure the feeding stations in the kitchen.

After the premiere wrapped up Squeaky began the Ali, "rope-a-dope" on me. "Something called us to that Starbucks. You know that." "She is the same breed as Grace!" I knew that unless the pup was ridden with ticks and fleas, and hungry for the fingers of Italian women, Fiona would be coming home with us. Even if she had all those conditions, we probably would have taken her out of pity and nursed her back to health. When I met Kris, she didn't even care much for dogs. Now we have four. Stay tuned to Hoarders because I see myself in a guest shot soon. I am glad I passed on my love and kindness towards all of God's creatures to my wife and kids. They share the same passions for critters as I do.

At 8:30pm the deal went down in the vestibule of Starbucks. The owner handed my wife the tiny pup, who instantly licked her nose. A Hollywood director couldn't have written it any better. It was over. I had a new pup named Fiona. We got her home and our other female Pekingese/Chin, Grace, was dominating her right from the start. I officiated and introduced Fiona to the pack correctly. As the Alpha Dog I placed her between my legs and the butt sniffing parade began.

Just like when our kids were small, Squeaky passed out for the night and I was left to comfort our tiny guest. I think I got a total of about 2 hours sleep. Fiona slept between the couch and my back. My fear of squishing her miniature frame had me contorting my body to accommodate her comfort. I'm like butter when it comes to creatures big and small, except bats. We made it through the night with all troops alive and accounted for.

I really do not believe in coincidence. I had the call from Edward for a ride, the stop at Starbucks after my wife turned down my first offer earlier. I also did an episode of "Shameless" where the lead actress is named of course, Fiona. What a night, my first movie premiere gala, the pride of being a part of what is sure to be a hit series, and a new baby in the family. See ya on Animal Hoarders Chicago soon. Until then I would like to welcome, Fiona Apple Schmutzy Connolly!

Shameless...William H. Macy, Me, and Addiction Flashbacks!

I was blessed to have the opportunity to work on an episode of the new Showtime series "Shameless," starring William H. Macy. I was cast as his neighbor and when the episode airs you will definitely see me. The show revolves around a father with alcohol issues trying to raise a brood of kids in the working neighborhoods of Chicago. It is well written and sure to be a hit.

It was an unseasonably warm November day for Chicago and the scene was taking place in the dead of winter. Temperatures got up into the 60's that day and we were dressed as if it were January. Snow trucks were brought in to create the winter scene, complete with a guy who had a spray can to dirty the snow on the street. I can not say what the episode was about specifically in respect and confidence to the Showtime Network and professional acting courtesy.

In both "Shameless" and "The Chicago Code," great pains are taken to make details and authenticity as accurate as possible. From regional dialect and slang, to the casting of locals in the neighborhood providing background, no detail is too small to overlook. When a shoot is in progress, lights, semis, cameras, wardrobe, trolley rails, production assistants, actors and extras litter the street. Curious neighbors sit on their porch or on the sidelines taking in the magic and technical wizardry that makes Hollywood so cool.

If a civilian is brought into the production they must sign a waiver and are often paid for their appearance in it. On this particular day we were on the west side in one of the more blue collar, urban neighborhoods for the shoot. As we rehearsed our scenes and repeatedly returned to our marks for another take or camera angle change, a woman kept walking onto the set. After a few interruptions, one of the best production assistants I have ever worked with took her to the side and signed her up to be an official player for the shoot for that day.

The woman was haggard and seemed a bit nervous. She was in clothing that seemed worn for a few days in a row and was skittish and tweaky. She was obviously withdrawing and jonesing for whatever candy kept her going. An addict can pick out another in a stadium full of strangers. It is just a skill we pick up in case we need to commiserate or score. We are always scanning and defining the people around us. That one is uppity. That one is a push over. That one is full of themself. That one is weak. That one will buy my story and give me a few bucks. We move from character to character and are usually dead on in our predeterminations of our fellow man's weak spots.

I was lucky enough to play an integral part in a scene with William H. Macy. He is a consummate character actor and professional. I was in the middle of asking the director how she wanted me to play the scene and she walked away to put out a more important fire. Mr. Macy stopped over and answered my question as to how he felt my demeanor should be in reacting to his actions. He is not an ego guy. He is just a guy. He presented no pretension or condescension, only a desire in doing the scene as perfectly as possible. I thanked him and played my part as he suggested. I was surprised when he later joined the extras in the holding area for chit chat and a picture or two.
In the scene some money is thrown up in the air in celebration of a joyous event. Prop money was used for the rehearsal and actual cash when we were ready to print. Each of us were given a set denomination of moola and responsible for returning it at the wrap of the scene. I was drawn to the woman as after each scene was "cut" we would retrieve the amount we were given and prepare for the next "take." When the call came to "check the gate and print", the scene was over and we returned our money to the PA handling the bankroll. The amount of money distributed was less than what returned.

I returned my portion and looked around for the skittish woman but she was gone. I scanned the streets of the restricted area and saw her smiling ear to ear and shouting into her cell phone. She was a block away and through all the confusion and chaos that is business as usual on set, I could hear her pleas drifting to me from so far away. She waited by the corner and was picked up by a car that stopped just long enough for her to jump in as it lurched away.

My first urge was to tell the PA about the lady and be a hero and doer of good deeds. I didn't say a word though. As I returned my share, the old street code of not ratting out a fellow user came back to me as clear as the days when I was using. It was not my business and I was probably doing her a favor. There were a few more scenes that required my participation as camera angles were switched and slight changes to the scene printed, just in case they wanted to alter something later.

The woman returned shortly after she left on the 14 hour long shoot. She was a different person. Her speech was slower and clearer. She didn't twitch or itch and looked like she had found the medicine she needed to feel normal again. I felt for her. As I looked at her she smiled back, eyes glazed over and content. I knew how she felt. I had been there. I knew what it was like to go to any means necessary to get the chemical cure to what was ailing me. I said a prayer for her. I don't know if she took the money but I know what addicts are capable of. I thanked God for his grace that it wasn't me. I looked back once more at her euphoric grin and was grateful for another day of sobriety. But for the Grace of God there go I.