I am a recovering alcoholic and an addict. If you follow this blog you know that it revolves around addiction, recovery and the complicated mind of the addict. I have never spoken out on the death of a celebrity. I have written before about friends who have died in recovery, or lost their battle against the cunning and baffling grip that addiction has on us.
I am not a Whitney Houston sycophant with posters and Cd's. The picture above is of the two 45 RPM records I have of her music from my DJ days. They are both from the mid-80's. Her 1991 performance of the "National Anthem" is the BEST VERSION I have ever heard. I believe she had one of the the greatest voices ever. I, like you, watched her slowly fade away on reality shows and gossip TV moments.
Addiction is more powerful than any person who is a REAL addict. WE can not beat it on our own. I was a full blown drunken addict by 1982 and did not find SOBRIETY, and lasting recovery, until 2009. There was a time when I had alienated all of my family and lost all of my possessions. I slept winters in my unheated car because of the destruction my actions, while high, brought upon on my family and friends. In 1992 I had a DUI with a blood level of .32. I was in a clinical coma and driving. I said I didn't have a problem during my alcohol assessment. That did not stop my drinking.
I had to drink and use. PERIOD! The devious triangle of the allergy, compulsion and obsession of addiction convinced me to turn my back on loved ones, dreams and even self-preservation to drink and use. I spent years on the merry-go-round of using, coming down, guilt remorse and shame and dreading the fact that I was going to do it again at the next sunrise. Do you really think I would made that choice of freewill? I watched helplessly as a dear friend died of poisoning from spraying insecticide on himself in his flea infested home. He did it so he could drink. He refused to go to treatment. He had been in rehab at least seven times. Is this simple choice? NO!
Would I urinate and vomit on myself, steal, eat garbage and live in an unheated car if it were as easy as just stopping?! Are these the actions of a person of sound mind? Imagine trying to commit suicide daily, but only an inch at a time. That is what addiction IS at the bottom of its' run for the addict or alcoholic who is suffering. It is a horrifying existence filled with isolation and insanity. I wouldn't wish it upon my worst enemy.
I entered rehab in 1999 and drank 5 years later because I did not do the things REQUIRED to maintain my long term sobriety. I failed to go to recovery meetings, find a spiritual power bigger than myself to guide me and the power of my DISEASE drew me back. I felt after 5 years I was CURED of my addiction. Once an addict like me takes a sip or hit an obsession and compulsion kicks in that we CAN NOT CONTROL. We also can't stay sober alone. There are those who stop using but usually live discontented lives because they have not treated the fears, traumas, insecurities, resentments and baggage that ALL addicts are plagued by.
I have sat in recovery meetings with surgeons on my left and drunken street people on my right. Both were at different phases of their sobriety. Addiction doesn't care if you're Whitney Houston or if you sleep on heating grates on State Street. It ravages the wealthy and the penniless.
Whitney had fame, money, fast cars and vacation homes. She also suffered with the DISEASE of addiction. She was trying to get clean. She may have failed, but she was trying. No one would trade the comforts I have just listed for the misery of addiction. Thousands of people die a year from this disease. The Holy Bible is the "Most Published" book in the world. The book they use in alcohols 12 step program is NUMBER TWO.
If she had cancer you would have sympathy. If she had diabetes you would say,"how sad it was that the disease took her so young." Her death is tragic. She was young, beautiful and had an amazing gift from GOD. Drugs and Alcohol becomes more important than ANYTHING in her world. The gift of recovery elluded her. America has a problem with addiction from both illegal and prescribed drugs and alcohol. It is nearing epidemic proportions.
Do me a favor. The next time you have the runs hold it. That's it. Just hold it for 5 minutes. That discomfort and pain, that verges on insanity in your mad dash to get to the washroom, is what I used to feel like when the urge to use came upon me. It was bigger than me. I had no choice, even when I tried to quit alone, I always got pulled back in! Educate yourself on addiction. I'm sure you know a drunk or an addict. You may be or live with one. Is it funny? Take their picture and post it on FACEBOOK with the horrible, misguided comments you have seen.
Whitney does not get a free pass. If she was working a recovery program, honestly and fearlessly, she should have taken proper steps. She should have avoided certain places that were addiction triggers. Hang around the Barber Shop too long and a hair cut is guaranteed. Do not judge what you don't understand.
Pray for Whitney Houston and her family, particularly her young daughter. Pray for all the other addicts and alcoholics who die alone or are living in the daily tortured existence of addiction. Then pray that it doesn't happen to you, your kids or a loved one. I assure you that if it does the jokes won't come as easy.
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