Souls Parole:Making Peace with My Mind, GOD and Myself (PREVIEW)
Lil' Debby was a friend of mine in recovery. She would make a hobbit look like a giant and had a heart bigger than Paul Bunyan. She was rich in friends and devoted to those in need. She loved animals and helped out at the shelter. She didn't let her diabetes slow her down. She loved Jim Morrison. She wore pajamas like sweats. I loved her for her individuality. Her smile could guide Santa's sleigh through a tsunami. I saw her the morning of Christmas eve. On Christmas morning she was gone.
I hope you can see that learning to live life in the moment is not just a way for addicts to live. It's a great philosophy on life....
I hope you can see that learning to live life in the moment is not just a way for addicts to live. It's a great philosophy on life....
Loud Tears... Quiet Laughter
It's 1:08 AM, a popular time in my blog history. I am tired, emotionally spent, amped up and cashed out. I felt the full spectrum of the human emotional meter today, starting with taking photos at sunrise, then going to the memorial service for Lil Deb Snack Cake and finishing up with a comedy performance at Cigars and Stripes in Berwyn. The picture taking was cold but inspiring, the memorial service surreal and the comedy gig liberating but difficult.
I like to take pictures of sunsets or sunrises, on days of a funeral or deaths, because it helps me to remember the person lost and burns a permanent picture in my mind's eye. I see creation and eternity. You can see my photos on my Facebook page. I have done it for several people. I like the pictures of the sun because it is fantastic, warm and hard to put into words. These few will have to do.
I sat alone in the dark of my family room thinking about Lil Deb for a long time today. I actually dreamed of her as the darkness and quiet lulled me to sleep. I was set to go to the visitation at 3pm and was even going to wear a suit. I woke up about 2:15pm realizing I needed to hop in the shower and get ready. But instead I sat on the couch trying to talk myself out of going. I remember Deb in my heart and in the songs of the Doors. The thought of the service just made me sadder.
I have been to 10 funerals in 2010, a personal record I wish not to repeat. Some of them were crushing like my father's, others just a courtesy and respect to the person passed beyond. I remember as a kid there were birthday parties several times a year. Now that I am older there are fewer birthday celebrations and a marked increase in funerals. That's reality I guess. It seems though that with every funeral, I am less and less afraid of the day when my ticket gets punched. I can not look at the wonder of the cosmos and think this is the only stop there is.
I was scheduled to perform comedy at a club in Berwyn and was seriously considering cancelling it. I wasn't feeling very funny today. I dressed and left for the chapel at 4:15. Being the instigator and the wannabe anarchist I am, I slapped a Doors concert poster on the wall when I entered the room where her service was being held. She would love that. There was a picture of her in a John Lennon shirt smiling ear to ear and I felt my tears fall loud and heavy on my shirt. Unlike the death of my father, Deb's was out of nowhere. Life is really only moment to moment whether we like it or not.
There were lots of people, as I knew there would be. She is loved by many. I paid my respects to her family and left feeling lost. We were not bosom buddies but tight in our relationship. We always took off where we left off and shared many difficult patches together. She was one of those people in your orbit who you think is gonna be there forever. Just like the sun, she made life on earth warmer and brighter.
I returned home and checked my messages to find one from Joellyn, a mutual friend of Deb's. She had seen my sunrise photos and commented to me, "You always know the best way to show God's handiwork through yourself, others, comedy and beauty." The words were deep and I felt grateful and humbled for the kind words. I knew I had to go and do my gig. There were people who wanted me to make them laugh and feel good, even though I felt like crawling under a rock. Deb would say, "GO TOM!"
I thought about Joellyn's words and understand that I, or we, are messengers on this big round ball of earth and sky. I have been blessed with the gift of making people smile and laugh. It is my duty while I am here to spread that message of laughter. What is your gift? We all have them. Most of us ignore them or dismiss them as frivolous. If we all made one person smile each day there would be no war, famine and oppression.
As I was being introduced to hit the stage at the club, I said one last I love you to Deb, grabbed the mic and the laughter came after my first few lines. First slowly and quietly, then hearty and rich. It felt good to be God's messenger for those few moments. I reflected on Deb's cheeky laugh and felt grace as the crowd returned their approval for a joke well done.
God might be the copilot but we have to drive through humanity. He speaks through us. He sends messages to others through all of us collectively. The burning bush trick has been done. It's up to us to be messengers of peace and good will. We don't need to join the brotherhood. Try opening a door for a stranger, calling an old friend, flashing a smile or letting someone into traffic. Spread the message! It might be the one thing that a person needs the most while at a critical point in their life.
On Christmas God sent a present to earth. On that same Christmas the earth sent God a gift and her name is Lil Deb Snack Cake.
I like to take pictures of sunsets or sunrises, on days of a funeral or deaths, because it helps me to remember the person lost and burns a permanent picture in my mind's eye. I see creation and eternity. You can see my photos on my Facebook page. I have done it for several people. I like the pictures of the sun because it is fantastic, warm and hard to put into words. These few will have to do.
I sat alone in the dark of my family room thinking about Lil Deb for a long time today. I actually dreamed of her as the darkness and quiet lulled me to sleep. I was set to go to the visitation at 3pm and was even going to wear a suit. I woke up about 2:15pm realizing I needed to hop in the shower and get ready. But instead I sat on the couch trying to talk myself out of going. I remember Deb in my heart and in the songs of the Doors. The thought of the service just made me sadder.
I have been to 10 funerals in 2010, a personal record I wish not to repeat. Some of them were crushing like my father's, others just a courtesy and respect to the person passed beyond. I remember as a kid there were birthday parties several times a year. Now that I am older there are fewer birthday celebrations and a marked increase in funerals. That's reality I guess. It seems though that with every funeral, I am less and less afraid of the day when my ticket gets punched. I can not look at the wonder of the cosmos and think this is the only stop there is.
I was scheduled to perform comedy at a club in Berwyn and was seriously considering cancelling it. I wasn't feeling very funny today. I dressed and left for the chapel at 4:15. Being the instigator and the wannabe anarchist I am, I slapped a Doors concert poster on the wall when I entered the room where her service was being held. She would love that. There was a picture of her in a John Lennon shirt smiling ear to ear and I felt my tears fall loud and heavy on my shirt. Unlike the death of my father, Deb's was out of nowhere. Life is really only moment to moment whether we like it or not.
There were lots of people, as I knew there would be. She is loved by many. I paid my respects to her family and left feeling lost. We were not bosom buddies but tight in our relationship. We always took off where we left off and shared many difficult patches together. She was one of those people in your orbit who you think is gonna be there forever. Just like the sun, she made life on earth warmer and brighter.
I returned home and checked my messages to find one from Joellyn, a mutual friend of Deb's. She had seen my sunrise photos and commented to me, "You always know the best way to show God's handiwork through yourself, others, comedy and beauty." The words were deep and I felt grateful and humbled for the kind words. I knew I had to go and do my gig. There were people who wanted me to make them laugh and feel good, even though I felt like crawling under a rock. Deb would say, "GO TOM!"
I thought about Joellyn's words and understand that I, or we, are messengers on this big round ball of earth and sky. I have been blessed with the gift of making people smile and laugh. It is my duty while I am here to spread that message of laughter. What is your gift? We all have them. Most of us ignore them or dismiss them as frivolous. If we all made one person smile each day there would be no war, famine and oppression.
As I was being introduced to hit the stage at the club, I said one last I love you to Deb, grabbed the mic and the laughter came after my first few lines. First slowly and quietly, then hearty and rich. It felt good to be God's messenger for those few moments. I reflected on Deb's cheeky laugh and felt grace as the crowd returned their approval for a joke well done.
God might be the copilot but we have to drive through humanity. He speaks through us. He sends messages to others through all of us collectively. The burning bush trick has been done. It's up to us to be messengers of peace and good will. We don't need to join the brotherhood. Try opening a door for a stranger, calling an old friend, flashing a smile or letting someone into traffic. Spread the message! It might be the one thing that a person needs the most while at a critical point in their life.
On Christmas God sent a present to earth. On that same Christmas the earth sent God a gift and her name is Lil Deb Snack Cake.
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