It's Only A Dream!

Dreams have always fascinated me. When I was a small boy I used to sleep walk. I laugh at my Mother's recounting of finding me in our tiny Mokena apartment playing football with the house plants in our living room. There was also the time she found me intently peeing all over our bathroom. When she asked me what I was doing I stated with conviction that I was a fireman and was putting out a fire. She always tried to talk me out of my zombie state or somnambulism by medical definition.

One ugly episode involved me screaming bloody murder about a spider being on my chest at about age 13. Ma rushed in to tell me that she knocked off the spider and all was well. I would have none of it! I called her every rotten word in the book because the spider was still clearly in the middle of my sternum. I woke up with no recollection of these episodes. Eventually they lessened but there are still times when I wake my wife to engage her in unusual dialogue about a man in Britain or reminding her to make a call in the morning to someone who doesn't exist.

Even though I can't recall my sleep conversations I do remember most of my dreams. I have been working on it for years. I was watching Donahue at about age 10 and the discussion was on dream recall. As I remember the guest said something about keeping a pad of paper next to the bed and writing down a color and word from the dream when you awake. Then the next morning read the word and color and try to remember images. I tried it and the main thing I got out of it was trying to remember your dream right when you wake.

As I have developed my dream awareness I now have the ability to be in the middle of a dream and know it is one. That may sound nutty, or a bit of a tongue twister at the least, but it is true. I can be inthe midst of a dream and "go with it" and be conscious of the fact that I am in a dream state and won't get hurt or that whatever is occurring is in fact not happening. If I try to manipulate the dream I wake up instantly. It does not happen in every dream. In most I am merely dreaming. There are several I want to remember and forget to review before I get out of bed and are lost. Occasionally they come back to me later in the day in scenes.

Sometimes I ask God in my prayers to let my Dad or Grandma show up during my prayers. Occasionally they do. Remember I can't manipulate the dreams. I just go with the flow. I know I'm dreaming. I want to call out, "Dad what's heaven like?!" I dare not because I know I'll wake up and I don't know when I'll see him again. He had a car business, both sales and rental. His dreams usually revolve around cars . In most he is younger and happy, or all business. I am just glad to see him. My Grandma was old school. She loved to cook, would slip you a twenty and wasn't big on outward affection. I knew she loved me with all her heart. In the dreams she's just the same.

I have been working on a toy, book and winter clothing drive here in Chicago over the last few weeks. What started out as a friends suggestion has turned into an amazing reality. It is a dream really. It has been physically and mentally challenging taxing trying to coordinate, make calls, find locations, blah...blah...blah. I'm not complaining. The whole project has exploded into something beyond my wildest...well...dreams. It is a chapter in itself. The bottom line is I have been putting a lot of pressure on myself because time is running out and I don't want to let anyone down.  My sleep has been irregular and I haven't been eating well. I trust GOD will make it all work out but there is still work on earth that must be done. When I put my heart into something it is all or nothing. This is definitely ALL.

Today I fell asleep on the couch with my little dog Fiona. I call her Shmutz. She is about 9 pounds and 8 of that are lovin.' She sleeps in between my legs with her wee head on my thigh. I started to dream that I was sitting on a spiral staircase waiting for my Dad. I was surrounded by water,  the stairs were right in the middle of a lake. The water was like blue crystal. I could see all these beautiful fish swimming in a circle around the stairs that came up out of the water that I was sitting on. They were all sizes and shapes. All of them looked friendly or at least like they weren't going to eat me.

I was growing impatient waiting for my father. My stress and anxiety had followed me into the dream. I began to call out, "Dad? I really miss you and I need to see you right now! I feel like I'm going out of my mind....Please?" I began to cry physically but was still asleep. I kept calling and calling but he didn't come. I was sobbing...begging.

 Suddenly I was thrown back into concsiousness as a tiny tongue was licking my eyes. Shmutzy saw and heard me crying and was trying to comfort me. She saw that I was in pain and wanted to make me feel better. I wiped my eyes and kissed her. I haven't sobbed in a while. What a release. Something unexplained had occurred. I felt relief. The sobbing in my dream relieved me of the bottled up tension I had. I felt like a million bucks with a couple short for the headache from crying. It was as if a ton of pressure was lifted off me.

I sat there reflecting on the fish and the stairs as I pet the Shmutz and realized that everything was going to work out fine. I have lots of friends and lots of amazing people helping me on this adventure. It's a great cause! It's in bigger hands than mine! My fears of letting anyone down are ridiculous. I also realized that in my time of need when I called out to my father to show up and relieve me of my fears and anxiety MY FATHER did...and gave it to me....