I love you. It is such a simple phrase. A powerful one at that. It can hold you together or it can make you fall apart. I say it every day to my wife, my children and my friends. I say it to the world and mean it. There are times it is said in passing, like a tip of the hat. The times it can have the deepest impact are the times it's not said.
Growing up my grandmothers rarely, if ever, used these words. They were of a different generation I guess. Both were strong women from tough backgrounds and challenging lives lived. I knew they loved me. To hear it spoken wasn't so. A scribble in a birthday card nestled next to a crisp five dollar bill was as close to the deed as they got.
In my drinking and using days I threw "I love you's" around like raindrops. They landed upon any young woman who was the object of my desire. I desperately wanted to feel love because I felt so badly about myself. I was a love junkie. I was always the first to say those three little words. I see now how empty and shallow it was. Those are sacred words. To me they are the definition of God Himself.
As I have matured and grown in my sobriety, I have noticed a terrible habit that I have picked up from some of my family members. That is the intentional omission of the words "I love you". To me that is more harmful than a half-hearted utterance of the phrase. After reaching a resolution at the end of a disagreement with my wife she'll say "I love you" and there have been times where I have replied, "luv ya," or "ditto." Most likely because I was pouting or things weren't resolved to MY satisfaction.
There have been times when ending a phone conversation she says "I love you" as she utters her goodbye, and I merely say goodbye. This is truly a sad statement about my conduct and a reflection on what a big dumb baby I can be sometimes. I love my wife to the center of my being. Why in the name of God wouldn't I take every single opportunity to let her know that?
I know how bad it makes me feel when I tell someone I love them and they don't say it back to me. To do the same thing to others is just continuing a cycle that is fruitless and cold. Love is the most beautiful thing that we have in this world and should never be taken for granted. I would hate to walk away from someone knowing I held back those words in my selfishness and never see them again.
I know I can be corny and can be a dork. I really believe that the whole problem with this big ball we are spinning on is that we are moving away from hugging each other to getting wrapped up in ourselves. That "me-ism" might be our downfall. I have so much to learn about myself. I am glad that I can see where I am wrong and try to change things. I know I don't have to be the guy I was yesterday or an hour ago.
All You Need Is LOVE was such a simple Lennon song. Almost like a nursery rhyme in its' structure the song's simplicity is right on the money. If all you need is love and someone gives me what I need, I damn well owe it to them to give them what they need, right?
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