Thanks God...for what you haven't given me

Soul Parole 2 Preview....

"Soccer Moms' Please Drive Thru"...

As an addict I have a thing about taking on baggage. I love baggage big and small. I hoard it. The more emotionally painful the package the more I can obsess about it. The more rotten the deed done to another in my past the bigger the package grows in my mind. I caress it and beat myself to bits with it. From a passing comment probably not even meant for me to a second grade fist fight, I remember it all. I have a database of emotional unfinished business that used to make my life unbearable.

The pressure, guilt, remorse, shame and self-loathing created the need to try to escape myself for those many years through bottle and drug. Addicts live emotionally not intellectually or logically. Our emotions make our decisions in most cases. I reacted emotionally then would sort out the fallout from my behavior. We remember everything by our PERCEPTION of the emotional impact people and situations had on us or we had on them. That is why we create chaos in others lives. It is for the emotional insanity and drama. It is our ultimate drug. Chaos.

As our mind clears and we begin to work recovery strategies we try to reduce the baggage which in turn lessens the desire to use. We begin to feel comfortable in our own skins and minds. We try to go back through the rubbish pile that was our past and clean up the joint. The people we have hurt and lied, cheated and stolen from whether it be financially, emotionally or physically are met face to face and we come clean with a sincere desire to make things right. Sometimes it works out and there is a happy ending. Other times we get a dressing down. Still other times we are told that we had no impact at all.

 All of the reactions are growing experiences and are important if long term sobriety is to be achieved. If a flower wants to grow it needs space in the pot or its' roots will rot and it will die. The same goes for drunks like me. I was going crazy from all the baggage. As I have cleared it away and made peace with my friends, family and self (to an extent) life gets better. God has given me the strength to stay clean and my mind is less packed with that crap. The worries, fears, pain and shame of who I was that paralyzed me is now setting me free by cleaning it up.

Now I am able to look at people in the eye with confidence and honesty. I can be a true friend. I can be of use not a user. I can sit with Tommy Connolly and not want to stab the guy in the eye with a fork! Wherever I run to I will always be there to meet me. That is a fact. It gets a little bit easier to hang with me the more I get right with God, man and me.

There are some people I can't make things right with. Some are dead. Some have new lives and I can't disrupt their happy harmony with my horror show rewind. Some I can't find but am ready to make things right if I find them. In these cases I try to be of service in other areas. On one occasion I stole something from a store that I could not go back to for fear of Shaw Shank Redemption. My mentor had me buy dog food in the amount of the item taken and had me take it to the humane society. Perfect! Karma square! I felt better that I was able to make the situation right. In a few years I will go back and make the situation right with the store. The point is that baggage was removed and I am a bit more okay with me because of the cleansing.

Yesterday I went with a friend to work at a food pantry here in Joliet. It is called the Family Outreach Food Pantry. I did not go there for any particular reason. My buddy called me at 6:10 am and asked if I wanted to volunteer at the food bank at 6:30. At first I was miffed because I hate to be late. Its' part of the new me. The only thing I was on time for in the past was beer sales and fresh bales. I said sure, and away we went. I can tell you now that God had my friend call me. There are no coincidences.

My vision of a food bank and food lines takes me back to my grade school history classes and the "Great Depression". You remember the old films and the market crash of 1929. There was the dust bowl and the people getting broth put into tin cups. I had a vision of homeless people coming up to the food bank and us handing little packages to the less fortunate. You know? It was going to be people in ratty cars and ripped clothes and winos and all the stereotypes I try so hard to fight when it comes to the labeling of alcoholics, addicts and those who suffer from mental disorders. I was doing the SAME thing before we got there.

We arrived at the tiny tavern parking lot where the food distribution point is and my friend was assigned to traffic control. WHAT? Traffic control at a food bank! He had the vest and the cool little flashlight with the pointy orange end on it and everything. I was jealous for a minute. I was assigned to fill orders. That was to put the boxes of food into the vehicles as they pulled up. This is where the story gets interesting, horrifying, eye opening and real folks. It was the real state of the STATES.

As the cars began to pull up I was taken aback. This can't be! There were a few beat up cars and a few homeless folks walked up whom I greeted with a grateful hello and a "God Bless you." The vast majority of the cars were "Soccer Moms." There were cars of all makes and models right up to a Tahoe with leather interior. The common denominator was all of these people "needed" food. There was no scam. Some folks looked down as I put on a smile and made a quick joke as to let them know it's a beautiful day as I slung the food into their back seats.

Single parents' pulled through with babies strapped in and we offered extra bread to those who wanted it. Every single family wanted it. Like alcoholism and addiction the people in the line to receive the food were a perfect cross section of Americana and it blew me away. Some folks looked as though they had stopped on break from work or were on the way to drop the kids at school. It was heartbreaking and gratifying at the same time. It is a day I won't forget.

In 90 minutes we handed out 300 boxes of food. When that ran out and we had only bread left people were happy and humbled to have a few loaves of that alone. I went home and sat silent for awhile. We are in trouble in this country. They have the food pantry every week and turn away more and more families.

I stood in front of my fridge and looked at the food and saw that our pantry was filled and it made me think of the times when I have said there is nothing to eat when in fact there was plenty. There just wasn't what I WANTED TO EAT in the fridge or pantry at that moment. I will be back to help again next Thursday at the  pantry.

 I remember not having food. I remember not wanting food because it would take up space my booze needed to fill. I also remember eating garbage when I wanted to eat and had to use my money to buy the booze. I've seen it from all sides. I think if there is anything that I can leave you with it is be thankful for what God has given you... and more thankful for what he hasn't...

God! I'm The Frog! (Soul Parole 2)

This is a sneak peek at SOUL PAROLE 2: I Was and I AM....

My world seems to be running at a frenetic pace lately. As a person with bipolar issues it always is at differing degrees inside my mind. Add my addiction issues and how I am working my recovery program and my melon can become a fun house. Not an actual house of fun. More like something that Stephen King would conjure up including the clowns everyone knows I'm SO fond of. At times my mind is like the center lane of the Dan Ryan at about 7:30 am and everyone is running late.

Professionally I am blessed beyond my wildest dreams. Soul Parole: Making Peace with My Mind, God and Myself is still on track to be released through Amazon/Kindle in mid November. I just finished a film called "Family" that is going to rock the festival world. "Chasing Hollywood," My first costarring film is premiering next week at the Naperville film festival. I have two films lined up back to back "The Fruit of Andersen Farm" shooting here in Chicago in October and "Beneath" Shooting in L.A. in November. As an actor I couldn't ask for more.

I have been speaking to civic groups about my story of addiction and depression and the list of appearance requests is growing. I am the Spokesman for this years "Rally Round Recovery 2011" in Will County taking place this weekend. All of my goals seem to be right on track. I feel I am doing the right things for the right reasons. I am grateful to be working with other people newly sober and facing depression and addiction issues. God is using me as a messenger. I am happy to be of service. I was a user, hostage taker, mind bender and scar tissue on this beautiful place we call earth for 28 years too long.

Squeaky whom I have put through the wringer emotionally, financially and everything else that ends with "LY"  is facing surgery Monday. They will be removing half of her right kidney. There is a mass at the top that is unusual. They will biopsy it for disease on the operating table due to its' positioning in her body. I will sleep by her side while she is there and we will get through this season and trial, no matter what the outcome. The doctors have assured us that the long term prognosis is great but there is always concern for this type of major invasive procedure.

I haven't written about it because I have had more questions than answers about the whole thing. Quite a bit of it has left me speechless. I have been supportive and there for her and have tried not to "Fix" things. As a recovering "Fixer" that takes a lot of work to keep a cork in my big fat pie hole. I used to always have an answer or an insecure need to provide one to people even when it wasn't solicited. When she told me she was scared the most brilliant thing I could come up with was that I was scared too. It was an honest answer and I think It's the best bit of husbandry I've done in a while.

I've had to pull over and cry. There have been calls to friends weeping like a fool gibbering that I knew I was powerless and it was in God's hands that I was scared witless. Recovery has taught me how to use new coping skills.I have had to walk out of the room so that I didn't fall apart like a cheap watch. Treating my depression and bipolar symptoms with a professional helps me recognize my own mood swings and emotions and adjust accordingly. There have been times when I have held her and we have fallen apart together. We turn to God in those moments and ask for strength.

The thing that gets me is that I tried to destroy myself a drink or drug at a time, over and over daily for 28 years. On one occasion I tried to do it all in one garage swan song. My faith is strong. I would be a liar if I didn't tell you that I don't get mad at God. I still want things my way. I always will. I probably have spoken about this before. I will undoubtedly again. I don't have to like the way things are in life. I only have to accept them to be reasonably happy and sane. I tried to fight reality for 28 years and it still did it's own thing it's own way. I just got high along the way because it wasn't my way.

The projects, films, speeches, books, jokes and ME things are on hold as of Monday. I am grateful that I can be there for MY WIFE. For the 12 years we have been together I couldn't always say that. I am human and there will be days in the future when I will fall short again. Monday will not be one of those days. Her days of recovery won't be those days. I will be there clear minded and at FULL attention. Sobriety gives me that gift and opportunity. Drunk I would call her mother and have her deal with it. That is the sad truth.

As I grow I ask God WHY less. That is good. I still ask sometimes. I don't know why he does what he does. I will find out someday when I reach the Great Woodstock Festival in the sky. What I can do is the next right things NOW. Sorries don't cut it any more. I will SHOW my wife my love for her through my actions not my intentions. It is my turn to take care of her.

I'm pretty sure that is how friendship and marriage is supposed to go. It's not a 50-50. One is strong when the other is weak. Marriage is a complimenting of each others strengths and weaknesses. One dog has to take the lead of the sled team each day. That dog changes depending on the situation. Both dogs keep the team and sled on track. I ask that you keep her in your prayers. She will be fine. She is Italian and from Berwyn. She'll probably grow a new kidney by the time we get home...

When Love Is Not Enough!

The pain and despair that comes with addiction is excruciating. Every day you wake up you feeling like hell and you know you are going to do the same thing that day. It's like there's a guy with a sledge hammer standing behind a door and even though you know he's there, you choose to open the door any way. The power of addiction is merciless, deceitful and doesn't care who you are. It just wants you to submit to it's every command - and you do.

Being through addiction, part of my recovery is trying to help others to recover and make it to the other side. As a recovering addict I have done the lying, cheating, stealing and manipulation that makes addiction possible. Being an alcoholic or addict is a 24 hour job. You are either trying to get high, getting high or suffering from the last high. The paradox of addiction is that it convinces you that you are not an addict. It also twists your mind into thinking that your family and the world are against you. It reassures you that giving in and getting high is your only path to peace.

There is a person very dear to me who I see slipping into the jaws of addiction. She is a daughter to me. Knowing the signs and games an addict plays is both a blessing and a curse. It's like you know the fastball is coming and you still strike out. The person I am speaking of is a beautiful girl. She is bright and intelligent and only 20 years old. She is completely lost.

When I used "checking out" of myself was required. I had no choice. For over 20 years I continuously opened the door and let the guy with the sledgehammer beat my brains in. I lost everything from my self respect to my family. Those losses just added fuel to the fire and more power to the addiction's constant reminder that it was my only friend. It wasn't until I truly thought I was losing my mind and going to die that I got help. Friends, family, strangers and God Almighty can't help an addict until they get tired of the guy with the sledgehammer beating them to death. I was thrown life preserver after life preserver and my denial let me drown for years.

It is so sad for me to look at her and see the patterns I am so familiar with. There have been threats, sob stories, broken promises and I'm sorries. The patterns are all the same. Only the faces and places change. I see the pain in her eyes and the self hate she has for herself. The self hate is the ultimate master of destruction and obsession for an addict. As life gets more chaotic, the greater the drive is to escape. It is hell on earth.

As a loved one you can make threats, try tough love, beg, spoil and play every game you can think of to get an addict to see reality just for that one second. Sometimes it works. Other times it doesn't. Alcoholism and addiction are the only diseases that tell you you're not sick, that you can quit at anytime. An addict thinks they know all the answers and everyone else is full of shite! Prayers are important. Setting a good example is right thinking. Loving the addict who is suffering is vital.

The reality check is that all of the solutions, combinations of them, love, anger, compassion and punishment, may or may not work. It's a crap shoot. Some times you roll a 7. Sometimes you roll box cars. There is no perfect solution. All of us suffer from terminal uniqueness. You can do your best and keep the faith. That is all.

I am going to see this lovely girl tomorrow night. I can share with her my love, experience, strength and hope. I can pray for her. I can tell her the stories of living on the street or having cockroaches crawling all over my body. Maybe something will stick. Maybe it won't. We can control our actions but we have no control over the outcomes. When she walks out the door she will be left with my love and words of support and the knowledge that I will always be there for her. Once she hits the streets it's just her and her addiction. Until the scale tilts from misery to recovery I must accept I can only do so much. I must also face the fact that her life is out of my control. Sometimes love is not enough to save a friend.
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When she walks out that door I will say "Sunny, I love you and I'm here for you."


SOUL PAROLE: Making Peace with My Mind, GOD and Myself is on sale NOW at Amazon.com and Amazon Europe. Please visit tommyconnolly.com by clicking the link at the top of the page.

Proceeds benefit Chicago Area addiction, homeless and mental health programs.

Devil Done Did it!

I have a habit of telling people, "GOD BLESS YOU." No, not just when they sneeze, all the time. I like to add "MAY YOUR GOD BLESS YOU," as well. I am a Christian but feel faith is a personal issue. The key to spiritual contentment starts with a personal relationship with GOD.

Wishing blessings upon people is a beautiful thing. However, I think as Americans we are blessed beyond our wildest dreams. We take our freedom for granted. When I see rude angry people on the street I am puzzled by how they could think we have it so bad. Don't get me wrong, the economy and job market is horrible. I just can't see why everyone is so miffed. Spend a few days living in the streets and your outlook will change in a jiffy. On your next trip to the islands or Mexico have a guide take you outside the tourism district. You'll see people living in boxes...literally!

Why is it that when good things happen we say,"Thank God," but when something bad happens, we blame it on the devil? I don't know about you but I grow the most through pain. As a parent I can be a great guy for twenty-nine days of the month and be in a bad mood one day, and that's what the kids remember. GOD puts us through terrible things to change our direction and give us strength.

I believe in the devil. I just don't think he's the source of all the bad things that happen in our lives. GOD doesn't micromanage. I think GOD says "NO". HE says, "Not Yet," and "I have another plan." We have to keep our eyes out for dark forces, but freewill and, GOD's will need to be considered. When we don't know what his will is, doing the next right thing is usually a pretty good choice.

When my father died it devastated me. It still does. When he passed I was grateful to GOD for relieving him of his pain. His passing gave me the motivation to pursue my dreams of being a comic, actor and writer. This was a painful time that changed my perspective on living. I am more afraid of not living my life to the fullest, than I am of dying.

We can pray to do "GOD'S WILL." However, WE have to do things that are adding to the goodness here on earth...as it is in heaven.  He won't parallel park my car in the city. He won't call me up with job opportunities. He will send messengers. We are to get it, then get it done. We do the footwork.

There are times I have thanked GOD for teaching me a lesson. Sometimes I need to be redirected to the path I think he wants me to travel. I can't do anything to impress him. I can do things that would please him. Mostly, I can do good things for others as a way of saying thanks for all that you do for me BIG GUY!

When I mess up unintentionally that is my humanity. When I act like a jerk because life isn't going MY WAY, I can't blame it on the devil! If I don't work at being good, and helping others, how can I be surprised when things turn bad? When tragedies happen I don't need to blame it on the devil. I'm not going to give him that much credit. Sometimes I have to look in the mirror and decide if the devil really made me do it...or not do it, or was it me. Sometimes I just have to keep the FAITH in knowing the answers will come. I just have to let them in....

Silly Putty and Ramen Noodles

I am grateful to GOD for giving me a sense of humor. I am more grateful that HE has one too. As an actor, comic and writer, part of the gift of that humor is that I verbalize the things that people are thinking but don't have the nerve or need to spit out. That's great because it keeps guys like me, philosophers, pundits and poets in business. Tom Dreesen told me that Carl Reiner advice to him early in his career was to "show people your pain." I have always done that in my act. I poke a lot of fun at myself. People identify with the daily mishaps of just trying to get by.

The distance between the frontal lobe (MY MELON) and the voice box (MY BIG FAT MOUTH) is only a few inches. I have seen many pictures of the brain. It looks to me like chubby Ramen Noodles mixed with Silly Putty all smushed together and placed in an airtight bonehead container. It's quite a fascinating looking machine. When I am told that we use less than 10% of it I am appalled. What the hell is flying around in the other 90% of the noodles that we don't use?! The few I am trying to get a rise out of are driving me and everybody around nuts!

I need to call the people who design filters for water or furnaces because I have a bit of a problem. In my personal life those same skills that make me a funny comic or good improv actor sometimes make me a poor communicator. That's PC talk for sometimes I say exactly the wrong thing at the wrong time and I can't help it! I want a filter between the Ramen Noodles, The Silly Putty and my pie hole!

As a recovering alcoholic/addict the problem is doubled because we learn to use words as weapons of mass destruction like fists, knives and passive aggressive napalm! We find our loved ones' tender spots in passionate moments of weakness, trust or sweet confession and BAM! If we get pushed the wrong way we will pull that sweet secret you never told a soul and spit it in your face like rattle snake venom. 

In recovery that doesn't just disappear. It slowly goes away but I still have my moments. I'm not beating myself up right now. Don't worry I'll do that when I get to my rant about procrastination somewhere down the line. I am just becoming more self aware of some of my character flaws. Some of the time I am hilarious. Yet other times I can be critical and hurtful and not even realize I am doing it.

The power of a word is more damaging than a fist in my estimation. Both are violent. A sore chin will heal. The wounding of the mind through criticism and demeaning can be crippling. A perfect example is that there were many times my wife called me an alcoholic and every swear word her Berwyn upbringing could conjure up, and they meant nothing to me. The day she called me PATHETIC was the day I took my last drink. Why THAT was the word that pushed my "get sober" button GOD only knows. 

The point is that a few simple letters put in a prearranged form said at the right time, under the right conditions had a life changing impact on me. The biggest argument my wife and I EVER had was about...wrapping paper! Yes you heard it...WRAPPING PAPER. Left to it's own proper use wrapping paper is associated with joy and gift giving. In the context of the argument it was connected to my ex-wife and it was a hot button for Squeaky. We were screaming. There were attorneys involved in the uproar. She shouted that I was an "Oedipus Complex!" I spat back that she was an "unclean female dog." It really got ugly. By the time we got home we had pulled over and stopped to laugh at the fact we were going to divorce court over...Wrapping Paper.

The most frequently mentioned subject in the Bible is our words and how we use them. The second is fear. Usually the two go hand in hand. I have a tendency of shooting my mouth off when I am scared of losing something, someone getting hurt or someone hurting another person I love. At that point the Ramen Noodle-Silly Putty-Tongue is connected. That is dangerous for me and something that I am working on. The quick wit and snarky comment work great on stage and for hecklers. Not so for family and friends.

I am trying to incorporate a few new rules into my personal behavior for rules of engagement. These help me with human relations and how comfortably I live with myself. They are as follows and are not all my creations. Most of them were taught to me:

1. I do not have to be right nor have an opinion on everything. 
2. It's okay to say "I don't know."
3. I refuse to have arguments with people unless they are actually there!
4. The phrase "hold your tongue"... can actually be done.
5. When I am unsure of what to do, phone a friend is good. 
6. When I react emotionally so do other people!
7. Doing NOTHING when I am unsure is acceptable.
8. I do not have to jump into every conversation I meet.
9. Whatever dress I want my wife to wear... pick the opposite one so she wears the one I like.
10. Turn to GOD more often Tom. When you lean on his words you need less of your own...


SOUL PAROLE: Making Peace with My Mind, GOD and Myself is available on AMAZON and Kindle. Proceeds benefit Chicago Area addiction, mental health and homeless facilities....

Christian Fishermen... Not Hunters

SOUL PAROLE: Making Peace with My Mind, GOD and Myself is available on Amazon.com and KINDLE. Proceeds benefit Chicago Area addiction, homeless and mental health programs.

I am a Christian. I will never back down from proclaiming that. This posting is not intended to imply that Christianity has all the answers. I don't. No man on Earth does. I read the Bible. I pray often. I serve in the community and I try to help other addicts find sobriety. I am happy to share my faith with those who wish to hear about the amazing things the LORD has done in my life. I do not think I am better than you or any man. The people who make me feel the most inadequate and demoralized about my faith are... CHRISTIANS.

I am a church going man. I serve on the baptism team. I am grateful to share my resources with my house of worship. I don't like war unless it is a means of last resort. I believe in helping the poor and sick. I am an Independent who tends to vote DEMOCRATIC. However, I don't vote a straight ticket. I vote based on what the man stands for, not if he's got an elephant or donkey on his lapel.

I have read the Bible cover to cover. I have my favorite verses. Psalms 40:1,2 are my life verses. I try to spend time daily in the words of GOD. Then I turn on the TV or go out in the world and am often shocked by the behavior of people who call themselves CHRISTIANS. They seem to talk from the mountain down on the foolish unenlightened SINNERS below. "If you don't love elephants you have no faith!" Donkeys are crazy, evil animals! Nothing could be farther from THE TRUTH. To say so is a sin. You don't know me. How can you judge me? Both animals have strengths and weaknesses. Faith can not be measured here.

I can't quote chapter and verse from the Bible very well. I can summarize the stories and paraphrase the content. There are actually 11 Commandments. The words JESUS left with the disciples before heading off to sit next to the FATHER were, "Love your GOD with all your heart, mind, soul and strength", and "Love your brother like I have loved you." It doesn't say, "sometimes," or "some of the folks." Those seem like pretty wise words to live by regardless of your faith. When Moses came down from the mountain with the TEN Commandments he did not call them the "Top 10 Commandments." Jesus goes on to say that ALL sin is EQUAL in the eyes of his FATHER.

I get confused when a political party or people in certain demographics call themselves the "Godly." Throwing your name in the ring with HIM is dangerous territory for any man. What gets me most is that people who claim to be the "GODLIEST," seem to pick and choose their favorite couple of commandments and chuck the rest out the window.

The sins of Adultry, Greed, Envy, Coveting, Lusting, Stealing, Judging and LYING are equal in the eyes of God. It says it in the book. Stretching the truth is a lie. Leaving out all the facts is deception. Taking things out of context is bearing false witness. I have been guilty of many of all of these sins. I will sin again and again as a MAN. I strive to be a better one everyday.

All who call Jesus, Lord, and follow him are Christians. I have seen the well dressed Christian man call his child stupid on the way into church. I have seen homeless people with the faith of David. I am amazed that the elite call people of their station with drug and alcohol problems as suffering with "chemical dependency" issues. Men with the same problem who don't subscribe to the same beliefs are "junkies." When the CHOSEN commit adultry it is a "Family Matter." The commoner is called a "CHEATER!" How can you question someones' faith? Jesus sees through our motives and into your heart. Yep, that's in THE BOOK too. What you think, is as bad as doing it. Motives are actions in the eyes of God.

I don't see how people misunderstand "ALL" and "BROTHER." How I LIVE and SERVE is what GOD is looking at. People who vote Democratic, Republican, Independent,or don't vote at all, can be CHRISTIANS. Helping the poor and feeding the sick are what JESUS did in the short time of his ministry on earth. Yet a man who wants to see the under served cared for is called a liberal. That's another word for generous. He is chastised for wasting taxpayer money. Weapons are good. Being a "Good Samaritan," and helping the elderly and sick is irresponsible. I seem to recall that helping the less fortunate was WHAT HE DID when he was here. How many barns do you build for YOUR grain?

The Bible says to "Give Ceasar what is his." Yet the well-to-do scream that they pay too much. Remember the woman with the two pennies who gave it to God? She did so with a glad heart. How much do you really NEED? Faith and works are the measuring stick in the kingdom. You can't buy your way into heaven. You can steal your way into hell. This kind of complaining is like a man relaxing on a beach complaining that the sun is too warm. Giving with a cheerful heart is great. Gratitude for your good fortune is humility.

Christianity is open to all who choose to receive it and HIM. It is not based on how I vote or look. If I vote to help the few and hurt the many, what have I done? It's time to show that we are one in the body. People turn away from religion or houses of worship because of OUR infighting and the intolerance towards each other! The hypocrisy is staggering. Goodness comes from the man, not the labels.

When I see GOD'S name thrown around and hijacked by one group of people I am saddened. All those who wish to drink from the cup are welcome. It doesn't matter what color you are. It means nothing if your hair is pink and your nose is pierced. If you are not a Christian, your faith is your faith. Who am I to judge? Faith is personal. Many men turn away those who wish to follow because they are made to feel as if they can't measure up. None of us can. So they walk away! Everyone is welcome at the table.

I am far from perfect. I sin. I pray for the day when as CHRISTIANS we unite in our faith. Politics is not the baseline for faith. There are Commandments. All of them are to be followed or he would not have included them. Not one or two. We are all God's creatures. I've heard he knows my name and the hairs on my head. That must mean he knows that stuff about all people. I am not gonna be the one to judge God's work.

A love and Faith in Christ is ALL INCLUSIVE. I hope we get to a place where we share that ideal  with ALL men, not through gritted teeth but outstretched arms. We will all stand before our maker. He looks at our hearts. He is love. There is not a line. It is one-on-one. He won't look at how long my hair is, if I have a tattoo, and a pierced ear. He doesn't check voting cards. He looks at what I have done while on earth. I'm pretty certain he likes love more than hate...It's written right there in the handbook....

Every Day Is A Gift...STILL....

More than six months have passed since I've taken time to share my thoughts on these pages. The keys are foreign to my touch. It wasn't so long ago that they seemed tethered to my heart and just moved my thoughts and emotions  from vapor to paper. I feel as if I'm reaching out to an old friend with whom was always there through the pains and triumphs of each others lives. Then something happens and you slip away from each other. The longing turns from sadness to distance, then terrible longing and hesitance to reach out again.

I plunk along hoping I can plug back in to the stream that connected me to my innermost secrets. I tell aspiring writers to let GOD do the writing and just hold on to the pen. I hope he speak once again through me.

That last writing was in Mid-September of 2012. I was preparing to drive to Hollywood and somehow obtain my SAG card. I left Chicago on September 19th. I arrived in Los Angeles on the 21st. The journey has taken me through more seasons of change in the last six months, than in the last six years. My hair has thinned and grayed.  Parts of my heart have died and new ones have been born. I lost so much and gained much more. I nearly died.

Today...I am a new creature...

I hope to talk again soon.

Tommy

SOUL PAROLE: Making Peace with My Mind, GOD and Myself is Available on Amazon.com, KINDLE and Amazon Europe. 

Proceeds benefit Chicago Area addiction, homeless and mental health programs.