Since December 9, 2010 when I began to write this blog I have shared the joy and pain of my life in addiction and recovery. More importantly, I have stressed that you can turn your dreams into realities with hope, faith and the hand of a friend. This is a fact for all of us, not just the elite or special few. We are all armed with the same tools. If we don't let our fears of success or failure impede us, the sky is the limit.
I have spoken of my years of addiction and homelessness. Sharing my journey to faith and peace with myself and family has been rewarding. I have been blessed beyond my wildest expectations. Things I once thought impossible are now just challenges I face with confidence. I can overcome anything if my motives are pure and my connection to my faith is open and working. When I go it alone and only seek counsel from myself, I am set up for sure failure or discomfort.
Last year I was blessed to appear in several TV series and films. I wrote a book that is finally going to be published. I was given feature spots in a few independent films and TV shows. I played Zanies. I started a charity and helped several of the under served. I was unstoppable. I had pure motives and God showered me with blessings as I lived my life serving others. It wasn't karma. It was the universal law of my creator that if you share blessings, blessings will befall you.
As my career in acting began to offer more and more opportunities I asked God to keep me humble. I went as far as to ask that if I ever took my many blessings for granted that he take it all from me. I was serious. I have seen far too many people become jaded or aloof from their success and wanted nothing to do with it.
Then my world came crashing down. Within a few weeks my funds dried up. Projects fell through. My money reserves went dry. I fell into a horrible dark depression. I alienated myself from my family and friends. Most importantly I had stopped praying to God for guidance. I only turned to him to share MY PLANS. I was running the show again and my life spiraled out of control. My self will took me from the top of the mountain to one of the darkest valleys I have ever fallen into.
I found myself working in a factory. I was grateful for the work. I did what I had to do to make ends meet. I was right back where I was at age 20! Spending my evenings on the night shift from 4pm to midnight left me with plenty of time to reflect. I could barely handle the physical pacing of the job. Emotionally, I was at the lowest point that I had been since I got sober. My dreams were gone.
As I toiled to keep pace with the assembly line work it dawned on me. GOD HAD ANSWERED MY PRAYERS! I had prayed for him to take it all from me if I ever took my life for granted. HE Did!
I spent hour after hour recounting the last several months of my life. I realized that I had begun thinking I was creating my own success. My spiritual life became less important. Helping others became sporadic, then non-existent. I was distancing myself from my wife, kids and those who had helped save my life. Work and ME were my focus. God decided to step in after I stepped out of right living.
It was crystal clear. I was isolated again. I was going it alone. I was leaning on my own understanding and fell right on my face. Now I was stuck with 8 hours a night of nothing to do but think, think, think!
I saw my wife on weekends only. Before starting the job our marriage was at an all time low. I saw everything wrong with the world. Each night more and more I saw what amazing gifts I had been given. I began to pray to God again instead of say to God. I begged for mercy like I once had at the end of my using days. He answered my prayers once more.
As I began to put God, family and others at the top of my priorities list opportunities began to open. I became a better husband, father and friend. I saw that serving, thinking and being with, and about others, was the key to my success. My relationship with God was what made it all possible. I had just done the footwork.
One week ago I left the factory a new man. I saw that my life was amazing. I had much more than I needed. I saw the beauty in my life. My pride had returned to humility and gratitude. Suddenly jobs and auditions began to come again. People in recovery reached out to me and I began to serve others again. I dove back into my faith. The unmanagability of my life, discomfort and pain of isolation were lifted from me.
I have been blessed to see many old friends over the last few days. Job opportunities are increasing. My marriage is stronger than ever. My kids say I'm a different man. I am! I have been given yet another second chance.
I do not believe in coincidence. I do believe in the power of prayer. My personal relationship with God needs to be nurtured and developed. It is the most important relationship I have. When things are right with him all of my life seems better. Without him I isolate. I withdraw. I start thinking I can go it alone. I begin to believe I have all the answers. I end up miserable.
I have heard it said, and believe, that God has 3 answers to our prayers, Yes, Not Yet, and I have something DIFFERENT in mind for you. He listens to my prayers. He gave me what I'd asked for. As a loving God he didn't take it away for good. He needed to show me just how he had been working in my life when I lived it through faith.
When I want to go it alone, like any good parent he lets me run ahead and fall on my face once in a while. Then he picks me up, dusts me off and we start walking together again. I am grateful for that. When I walk alone I end up lost.
I have spoken of my years of addiction and homelessness. Sharing my journey to faith and peace with myself and family has been rewarding. I have been blessed beyond my wildest expectations. Things I once thought impossible are now just challenges I face with confidence. I can overcome anything if my motives are pure and my connection to my faith is open and working. When I go it alone and only seek counsel from myself, I am set up for sure failure or discomfort.
Last year I was blessed to appear in several TV series and films. I wrote a book that is finally going to be published. I was given feature spots in a few independent films and TV shows. I played Zanies. I started a charity and helped several of the under served. I was unstoppable. I had pure motives and God showered me with blessings as I lived my life serving others. It wasn't karma. It was the universal law of my creator that if you share blessings, blessings will befall you.
As my career in acting began to offer more and more opportunities I asked God to keep me humble. I went as far as to ask that if I ever took my many blessings for granted that he take it all from me. I was serious. I have seen far too many people become jaded or aloof from their success and wanted nothing to do with it.
Then my world came crashing down. Within a few weeks my funds dried up. Projects fell through. My money reserves went dry. I fell into a horrible dark depression. I alienated myself from my family and friends. Most importantly I had stopped praying to God for guidance. I only turned to him to share MY PLANS. I was running the show again and my life spiraled out of control. My self will took me from the top of the mountain to one of the darkest valleys I have ever fallen into.
I found myself working in a factory. I was grateful for the work. I did what I had to do to make ends meet. I was right back where I was at age 20! Spending my evenings on the night shift from 4pm to midnight left me with plenty of time to reflect. I could barely handle the physical pacing of the job. Emotionally, I was at the lowest point that I had been since I got sober. My dreams were gone.
As I toiled to keep pace with the assembly line work it dawned on me. GOD HAD ANSWERED MY PRAYERS! I had prayed for him to take it all from me if I ever took my life for granted. HE Did!
I spent hour after hour recounting the last several months of my life. I realized that I had begun thinking I was creating my own success. My spiritual life became less important. Helping others became sporadic, then non-existent. I was distancing myself from my wife, kids and those who had helped save my life. Work and ME were my focus. God decided to step in after I stepped out of right living.
It was crystal clear. I was isolated again. I was going it alone. I was leaning on my own understanding and fell right on my face. Now I was stuck with 8 hours a night of nothing to do but think, think, think!
I saw my wife on weekends only. Before starting the job our marriage was at an all time low. I saw everything wrong with the world. Each night more and more I saw what amazing gifts I had been given. I began to pray to God again instead of say to God. I begged for mercy like I once had at the end of my using days. He answered my prayers once more.
As I began to put God, family and others at the top of my priorities list opportunities began to open. I became a better husband, father and friend. I saw that serving, thinking and being with, and about others, was the key to my success. My relationship with God was what made it all possible. I had just done the footwork.
One week ago I left the factory a new man. I saw that my life was amazing. I had much more than I needed. I saw the beauty in my life. My pride had returned to humility and gratitude. Suddenly jobs and auditions began to come again. People in recovery reached out to me and I began to serve others again. I dove back into my faith. The unmanagability of my life, discomfort and pain of isolation were lifted from me.
I have been blessed to see many old friends over the last few days. Job opportunities are increasing. My marriage is stronger than ever. My kids say I'm a different man. I am! I have been given yet another second chance.
I do not believe in coincidence. I do believe in the power of prayer. My personal relationship with God needs to be nurtured and developed. It is the most important relationship I have. When things are right with him all of my life seems better. Without him I isolate. I withdraw. I start thinking I can go it alone. I begin to believe I have all the answers. I end up miserable.
I have heard it said, and believe, that God has 3 answers to our prayers, Yes, Not Yet, and I have something DIFFERENT in mind for you. He listens to my prayers. He gave me what I'd asked for. As a loving God he didn't take it away for good. He needed to show me just how he had been working in my life when I lived it through faith.
When I want to go it alone, like any good parent he lets me run ahead and fall on my face once in a while. Then he picks me up, dusts me off and we start walking together again. I am grateful for that. When I walk alone I end up lost.
Powerful blog!
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