The Harvey Kid, Sinatra and Living Right!

om Dreesen, The Chairman of the Board and My Pops

Tom Dreesen, an amazing person and legendary funnyman will be at The Laugh Factory, Chicago on May 6, 2012. THe Show is at 5pm! Don't miss it. Tom's stories of his days with Sinatra, and his hilarious reflections on growing up in the business are priceless. This blog was written shortly after I met Tom for the first time. See You Guys Sunday!

(original post 10/11 unedited)

I have mentioned many times in past posts that I don't believe in coincidence. I feel that God has a grand plan for all of us. We just don't know what that plan is until we're looking back in the rear view mirror of our lives. How many times have you been thinking about a friend and they call unexpectedly? Haven't there been times when you were at your wits end and a stranger smiled at you or extended a compliment at just the right moment? Coincidence? I think not.

After my father passed away in July 2010 my world was shaken to its' foundation. I was sober for a year and a half when he died. GOD, and the help of others like me, helped me get sober 18 months prior to his death. It was so that I could be there for him. I had not been the greatest son during some pockets of time during my 28 years of alcoholism and addiction. I had used, abused and taken advantage of my Pops.' That's what addicts do. In those last 18 months we were able to reconnect and become father and son again. We also became best friends and confidants.

As he deteriorated in mind and body I would bathe and shave him and make him laugh. My dad had a laugh that made you laugh. It was difficult to see the tough Irish, self made guy who ran with "The Son's of Italy" as a kid melt away in front of me. God gave me the strength to be there for him, and second mom, when I was just beginning to get my own mind together. If I was still drinking the pain of seeing him so frail and disoriented would have been too much and I would have avoided him like a cop with a breathalyzer test.

 HE got me sober when he did to fulfill his plan of reuniting us and granted me the grace to make things right and be there when dad needed me most. I didn't see that when I was smack dab in the middle of the pile. I was an emotional wreck. I was still having panic attacks and learning how to cope with life without chemicals. I learned a lot about myself, my dad, my family and my God during those 18 months. Although it was the most difficult time in my life it is also one of the seasons of it season I treasure most.

After Dad was gone I decided I was going to go back to comedy and give acting a shot. I wasn't going to leave any dream or regret on the table. Two days after his memorial service I was on the set of "The Chicago Code." As for comedy I got pretty lucky. The first time I ever did stand-up the Chicago Tribune was at Barrel-O-Laughs in Oak Lawn to write a feature story for the METRO section about people taking chances at midlife. I had already joined the Navy Reserve at 40 and was one week away from my 41st birthday when I decided to follow a lifelong dream of being a comic. Yeah I know! We'll get back to the Navy thing another day.

 Not many comics get a front page spread in the Tribune Metro Section on their first gig. Most never do. It was God's plan and after they laughed at my first joke I was hooked. The bad thing was that I blanked on what the "flashing light" meant and my 7 minutes became 20! Bill Brady, emcee at the Barrel let me roll because the crowd was laughing and I had brought half of them. It was liking climbing Everest! As I saw the pictures of famous comedians on the wall like Steve Allen, Drew Cary and Jackie Mason I was star struck. As I stood on the same stage they had and people laughed at words I had cobbled together I was blown away!

I had been acting for 2 months. I hadn't done comedy in ages and sent out my act via facebook to Tom Dreesen, David Brenner, Marsha Warfield and Mike Toomey asking for some feedback. I got responses from everyone except Marsha. We have since become friends. She is out of the comedy game but is still a force in Chicago as an activist in educating people about tolerance, racism, equality and history. Dreesen, Warfield and Toomey are all from Chicago.  EVERYONE knows David Brenner is pure New York with an open run show in Vegas. I love his insights. Mike is a staple around Chicago on WGN, HBO, Comedy Central and anywhere he can talk about TV shows. He is a 10 year old trapped in Mike Toomey and a great guy.

I had the most feedback from Tom Dreesen. Here was a guy who had toured with Sinatra and Sammy Davis Jr. and he was taking time to help an unknown like me. I was familiar with Tom's story to some degree. As I learned more about his upbringing the parallels in our lives seemed similar. Knowing what I know now I see that God put Tom in my path to help me fulfill the mission I am on for HIM. The similarities are stark in our paths as far as our upbringing, our family friendly material and our desire to give back to the community through supporting worthy causes. We also both know catching your dreams is possible with faith, hope and friends. We differ in that he is a Comic legend and a Cub fan. I am an actor, story teller, writer and Sox fan who loves to make people laugh on a mission to share my story of delivery from addiction.

I knew Tom was from Harvey and part of "Tim and Tom" the first bi-racial comedy team. I also knew he did a lot of service work and fundraisers around Chicago. His reputation as a good guy is well known. His years with Frank Sinatra well documented. I loved Sinatra as a kid and still do. I had seen him on The Tonight Show and Letterman. That was where my education about the background of Tom Dreesen ended.

I got some good responses from Tom, David and Mike. I followed up my first message with a second one stating that I was in recovery and wanted to share my story of alcoholism, addiction, homelessness, hopelessness to recovery through hope, faith and the hand of a friend. Basically, I was doing a reverse in the classic show biz storyline. I was an addict who lived on skid row who was moving into show business and wondered if that would be committing career suicide by sharing that in my act.

Dreesen and Brenner are wonderful foils. Tom told me of Carl Reiner's advice to him as a young comic to "Show them your pain." Brenner pointed out that you don't wanna talk bad about booze in front of a crowd full of people enjoying a drink and a guy who is paying you with the money they bought them with. I am not anti booze. It's just not for me. I've had my share.

I continued to check in and my acting career was on the rise. I began to write my blog "Every Day is a Gift" in December as a cathartic diary about the pains of sobriety and the grieving over the loss of my father. Each entry, including this one is done in one sitting. It is one stream of consciousness. It keeps it real and honest. The grammar and punctuations suffers but I think the message is what counts. Within a few months the blog was named one of the "Top Addiction Blogs Online." As of today it is read in 52 countries on 6 continents. Addiction is universal. It is an equal opportunity killer and loves to destroy everybody in its' path.

The parallels began to align when I learned that Tom had family members with alcohol issues. He also started one of the countries first drug awareness programs in schools for kids as a Jaycee. That was what introduced him to Tim Reid and was the precursor to his comedy career. Coincidence? I think not. When I was named spokesman and Emcee for this years "Rally Round Recovery" I reached out to Tom for help in recording some promotional commercials. he didn't hesitate. He recorded 2 and the event was a huge success. I was grateful to be a part of the event and have been asked to return for "Rally Round Recovery 2012." Good Lord willing I'll be there.

As the blog got more popular someone suggested I turn it into a book. I had always wanted to write a novel. Sharing my stories of 3 failed marriages, living homeless, eating garbage, lving with undiagnosed depression issues and trying to take my own life was not the block buster I wanted out there. More loved ones of addicted people reached out. I shared my experiences in recovery and my belief that catching your dreams is possible no matter what the obstacle with faith and the hand of a friend. I decided to do it and that I could donate proceeds to recovery, homeless and mental health programs.

Soul Parole Productions, Inc. was born on July 7, 2011. The name is taken from the title of my book Soul Parole: Making Peace with My Mind, GOD and Myself. It will be released December 17, 2011 on AMAZON. That is one year to the day from when I started the blog. I have chosen the recovery, homeless and mental health programs and institutions the book will help support. I hope to find a corporate sponsor to help me get on the road and share my story with as many people possible.

Last night Squeaky and I met Tom Dreesen after a fundraiser for St. Scholastica School for girls in Chicago. After countless emails, messages and phone calls I felt like I already knew him as we shook hands. It was a firm comfortable grip. He was set to meet with the alumni and special guests and made time for Squeaky and me.  He's just a working stiff in a tux with a heart of gold. He is exactly as you see him in the media. Tom is Tom. Knowing his story and what his mission in lifehas been, I KNOW, I know him. He was warm and welcoming. I thought Squeaky was going to hug him to death. He took time to take pictures for the book.

In my short career as an actor and comic I have been blessed to work in a lot of films and tv series in a very short time. I have passed on the name of my agent and casting directors to a handful of acting and comic hopefuls along the way. A few of them have already passed me by and are SAG actors and landed regular roles in cable series. I am grateful that I could help them on their journey. People helped me get sober and to where I am in my career and life. Holding your hand out to a friend is what I think the whole purpose is to us being here.

People are put in my path. I was put in the path of others to help them in God's plans for them. We all are messengers and have gifts to share. Tom  has shown me that helping others up the ladder is something that should never be forgotten no matter how far you climb or don't. At this point not helping others would leave a void in my life. It's my career that may suffer. I think that sharing my story, addiction and ending the stigmas that go along with it and depression is going to be my career. God will let me know.

Tom wrote the foreword for Soul Parole. I am grateful for that. His words are touching and I feel a little unworthy of them. Tom has become much more than a reviewer or advisor in these last several months. He has become my model for my act and my mission to give back to the community. I am sharing my story of pain, hope and catching my dreams. If one person hears my story and it helps them act on their addiction, gives them courage to face a fear or inspires them to catch their dreams... then my 28 years of pain was not spent in vain... it was just part of God's plan.

Tom Dreesen, The Chairman of the Board and My Pops

Tom Dreesen, The Chairman of the Board and My Pops

Tom Dreesen, an amazing person and legendary funnyman wii be at The Laugh Factory, Chicago on May 6, 2012. THe Show is at 5pm! Don't miss it. Tom's stories of his days with Sinatra, and his hilarious reflections on growing up in the business are priceless. This blog was written shortly after I met Tom for the first time. See You Guys Sunday!

(original post 10/11 unedited)

I have mentioned many times in past posts that I don't believe in coincidence. I feel that God has a grand plan for all of us. We just don't know what that plan is until we're looking back in the rear view mirror of our lives. How many times have you been thinking about a friend and they call unexpectedly? Haven't there been times when you were at your wits end and a stranger smiled at you or extended a compliment at just the right moment? Coincidence? I think not.

After my father passed away in July 2010 my world was shaken to its' foundation. I was sober for a year and a half when he died. GOD, and the help of others like me, helped me get sober 18 months prior to his death. It was so that I could be there for him. I had not been the greatest son during some pockets of time during my 28 years of alcoholism and addiction. I had used, abused and taken advantage of my Pops.' That's what addicts do. In those last 18 months we were able to reconnect and become father and son again. We also became best friends and confidants.

As he deteriorated in mind and body I would bathe and shave him and make him laugh. My dad had a laugh that made you laugh. It was difficult to see the tough Irish, self made guy who ran with "The Son's of Italy" as a kid melt away in front of me. God gave me the strength to be there for him, and second mom, when I was just beginning to get my own mind together. If I was still drinking the pain of seeing him so frail and disoriented would have been too much and I would have avoided him like a cop with a breathalyzer test.

 HE got me sober when he did to fulfill his plan of reuniting us and granted me the grace to make things right and be there when dad needed me most. I didn't see that when I was smack dab in the middle of the pile. I was an emotional wreck. I was still having panic attacks and learning how to cope with life without chemicals. I learned a lot about myself, my dad, my family and my God during those 18 months. Although it was the most difficult time in my life it is also one of the seasons of it season I treasure most.

After Dad was gone I decided I was going to go back to comedy and give acting a shot. I wasn't going to leave any dream or regret on the table. Two days after his memorial service I was on the set of "The Chicago Code." As for comedy I got pretty lucky. The first time I ever did stand-up the Chicago Tribune was at Barrel-O-Laughs in Oak Lawn to write a feature story for the METRO section about people taking chances at midlife. I had already joined the Navy Reserve at 40 and was one week away from my 41st birthday when I decided to follow a lifelong dream of being a comic. Yeah I know! We'll get back to the Navy thing another day.

 Not many comics get a front page spread in the Tribune Metro Section on their first gig. Most never do. It was God's plan and after they laughed at my first joke I was hooked. The bad thing was that I blanked on what the "flashing light" meant and my 7 minutes became 20! Bill Brady, emcee at the Barrel let me roll because the crowd was laughing and I had brought half of them. It was liking climbing Everest! As I saw the pictures of famous comedians on the wall like Steve Allen, Drew Cary and Jackie Mason I was star struck. As I stood on the same stage they had and people laughed at words I had cobbled together I was blown away!

I had been acting for 2 months. I hadn't done comedy in ages and sent out my act via facebook to Tom Dreesen, David Brenner, Marsha Warfield and Mike Toomey asking for some feedback. I got responses from everyone except Marsha. We have since become friends. She is out of the comedy game but is still a force in Chicago as an activist in educating people about tolerance, racism, equality and history. Dreesen, Warfield and Toomey are all from Chicago.  EVERYONE knows David Brenner is pure New York with an open run show in Vegas. I love his insights. Mike is a staple around Chicago on WGN, HBO, Comedy Central and anywhere he can talk about TV shows. He is a 10 year old trapped in Mike Toomey and a great guy.

I had the most feedback from Tom Dreesen. Here was a guy who had toured with Sinatra and Sammy Davis Jr. and he was taking time to help an unknown like me. I was familiar with Tom's story to some degree. As I learned more about his upbringing the parallels in our lives seemed similar. Knowing what I know now I see that God put Tom in my path to help me fulfill the mission I am on for HIM. The similarities are stark in our paths as far as our upbringing, our family friendly material and our desire to give back to the community through supporting worthy causes. We also both know catching your dreams is possible with faith, hope and friends. We differ in that he is a Comic legend and a Cub fan. I am an actor, story teller, writer and Sox fan who loves to make people laugh on a mission to share my story of delivery from addiction.

I knew Tom was from Harvey and part of "Tim and Tom" the first bi-racial comedy team. I also knew he did a lot of service work and fundraisers around Chicago. His reputation as a good guy is well known. His years with Frank Sinatra well documented. I loved Sinatra as a kid and still do. I had seen him on The Tonight Show and Letterman. That was where my education about the background of Tom Dreesen ended.

I got some good responses from Tom, David and Mike. I followed up my first message with a second one stating that I was in recovery and wanted to share my story of alcoholism, addiction, homelessness, hopelessness to recovery through hope, faith and the hand of a friend. Basically, I was doing a reverse in the classic show biz storyline. I was an addict who lived on skid row who was moving into show business and wondered if that would be committing career suicide by sharing that in my act.

Dreesen and Brenner are wonderful foils. Tom told me of Carl Reiner's advice to him as a young comic to "Show them your pain." Brenner pointed out that you don't wanna talk bad about booze in front of a crowd full of people enjoying a drink and a guy who is paying you with the money they bought them with. I am not anti booze. It's just not for me. I've had my share.

I continued to check in and my acting career was on the rise. I began to write my blog "Every Day is a Gift" in December as a cathartic diary about the pains of sobriety and the grieving over the loss of my father. Each entry, including this one is done in one sitting. It is one stream of consciousness. It keeps it real and honest. The grammar and punctuations suffers but I think the message is what counts. Within a few months the blog was named one of the "Top Addiction Blogs Online." As of today it is read in 52 countries on 6 continents. Addiction is universal. It is an equal opportunity killer and loves to destroy everybody in its' path.

The parallels began to align when I learned that Tom had family members with alcohol issues. He also started one of the countries first drug awareness programs in schools for kids as a Jaycee. That was what introduced him to Tim Reid and was the precursor to his comedy career. Coincidence? I think not. When I was named spokesman and Emcee for this years "Rally Round Recovery" I reached out to Tom for help in recording some promotional commercials. he didn't hesitate. He recorded 2 and the event was a huge success. I was grateful to be a part of the event and have been asked to return for "Rally Round Recovery 2012." Good Lord willing I'll be there.

As the blog got more popular someone suggested I turn it into a book. I had always wanted to write a novel. Sharing my stories of 3 failed marriages, living homeless, eating garbage, lving with undiagnosed depression issues and trying to take my own life was not the block buster I wanted out there. More loved ones of addicted people reached out. I shared my experiences in recovery and my belief that catching your dreams is possible no matter what the obstacle with faith and the hand of a friend. I decided to do it and that I could donate proceeds to recovery, homeless and mental health programs.

Soul Parole Productions, Inc. was born on July 7, 2011. The name is taken from the title of my book Soul Parole: Making Peace with My Mind, GOD and Myself. It will be released December 17, 2011 on AMAZON. That is one year to the day from when I started the blog. I have chosen the recovery, homeless and mental health programs and institutions the book will help support. I hope to find a corporate sponsor to help me get on the road and share my story with as many people possible.

Last night Squeaky and I met Tom Dreesen after a fundraiser for St. Scholastica School for girls in Chicago. After countless emails, messages and phone calls I felt like I already knew him as we shook hands. It was a firm comfortable grip. He was set to meet with the alumni and special guests and made time for Squeaky and me.  He's just a working stiff in a tux with a heart of gold. He is exactly as you see him in the media. Tom is Tom. Knowing his story and what his mission in lifehas been, I KNOW, I know him. He was warm and welcoming. I thought Squeaky was going to hug him to death. He took time to take pictures for the book.

In my short career as an actor and comic I have been blessed to work in a lot of films and tv series in a very short time. I have passed on the name of my agent and casting directors to a handful of acting and comic hopefuls along the way. A few of them have already passed me by and are SAG actors and landed regular roles in cable series. I am grateful that I could help them on their journey. People helped me get sober and to where I am in my career and life. Holding your hand out to a friend is what I think the whole purpose is to us being here.

People are put in my path. I was put in the path of others to help them in God's plans for them. We all are messengers and have gifts to share. Tom  has shown me that helping others up the ladder is something that should never be forgotten no matter how far you climb or don't. At this point not helping others would leave a void in my life. It's my career that may suffer. I think that sharing my story, addiction and ending the stigmas that go along with it and depression is going to be my career. God will let me know.

Tom wrote the foreword for Soul Parole. I am grateful for that. His words are touching and I feel a little unworthy of them. Tom has become much more than a reviewer or advisor in these last several months. He has become my model for my act and my mission to give back to the community. I am sharing my story of pain, hope and catching my dreams. If one person hears my story and it helps them act on their addiction, gives them courage to face a fear or inspires them to catch their dreams... then my 28 years of pain was not spent in vain... it was just part of God's plan.

Adapt! You Son of a So-n-So!

I hate Change, unless it's change I like. That kind of change is usually when things are going my way. It is when the universe falls into line with my grandiose plans. Natural selection dictates that only the strong survive. Adapt or be extinguished. I have made so many changes in the last few years in recovery that I see a different me when I look in the mirror. The fact that I can look in the mirror and be comfortable with the guy looking back at me is a miracle in itself.

I am grateful to GOD for giving me the chance to rebuild my family and start a new career in acting. As for my comedy career I'm at a crossroad. I haven't lost the passion. I still can write some decent material. I hold my own when I'm on stage. David Brenner told me in effect, "if you don't get butterflies before you hit the stage, get out of the business. Your passion is gone!" I do get a little nervous, or more accurately an adrenalin rush, when the emcee is giving me my intro and I hit the stair up on stage. After I have snapped out my first joke I go into the zone.

Chicago is a great comedy town. There are at least 6 major clubs in the city and plenty in the suburbs. I have played all over the city except the east side. I'll have to wait until they have a water taxi and floating club for that. On all seven days of the week you can find an open mic to try out some new stuff or catch the buzz!

When I was "out there" I was completely comfortable spewing out ANY material that would get a laugh. My conscience was set to my standards and that was pretty much, "Tom say ANYTHING for a laugh!" The bluer the better. The nastier the better. Nothing was taboo.

Last night I performed at a club in the heart of Rush Street. For my readers outside the "Windy City," that's the Bourbon Street of Illinois. The crowd wasn't bad. It was a comedy contest with me and 4 other comics competing to move into the semi-finals. I did not make it. I don't feel bad about it. The winner was outstanding. He is a touring comic and left me in the dust.

As I watched my four friends perform I was struck by the fact that my material was rated PG 17 or under. My fellows were rated R to X. That's cool. I know that's what people want to hear when their out partying. I can say without hesitation Carlin, Pryor, Kinison and Williams are personal favorites. Bruce, Foxx, Pryor and Carlin were ground breaking. Carlin's stance on free speech took him all the way to the Supreme Court. I miss ya' George.

Out of all the comedians you see today in the main stream only a handful of them do sets that are suitable for any age audiences. Dreesen, Brenner, Lewis, Foxworthy and Dunham are masters. Last night I became convicted with the fact that following in those guys footsteps is what I am going to do. I love comics who can make me laugh without feeling embarrassed when my kids are with me. Comic note: I still enjoy blue humor. I just don't think it's for me.

As I took the stage last night the other guys had covered coke, sex, hookers and racism. I had prepared my all ages set. As I began the laughs were coming in smatterings. There was one here, a couple there and occasionally I knocked one out of the park. After I noticed I wasn't keeping the crowd rolling I slipped back into the blue. I started throwing out the raunchy stuff from the old days. I was willing to do anything for the laughs again. It worked. They laughed. I left the stage feeling awful!

I was shocked at how quickly I was able to toss out my convictions on doing a PG set, more specifically it made me feel bad about my performance. I was recording the set to send out to clubs and agents. When I went to check on the camera after my set I saw a black screen. The batteries had died. I was actually happy I didn't have to review it. I also felt like the big guy upstairs was reaffirming my decision. That is, from here out I am only doing decent humor. I have to feel good with what comes out of my mouth. The crowd will see my ease and hopefully enjoy the ride.

As I get ready to release Soul Parole, I hope to do some signings and corporate events. I want to weave my comedy and laughter into my otherwise troubling story. I am a story teller. My new choice of decency may limit my opportunities in the clubs. It may also open some new ones. If I end up doing only fundraisers or the Florida Condo circuit, I'm cool with that. I have to remain comfortable in my own skin. If I get too uncomfortable, bad things will quickly follow. That is my M.O.! David Brenner went on to say that, "doing what you want, in a place you like, that makes you feel good is the only definition of happiness I ever found valid."The racy hard core comics rule. My hat is off to you guys. I agree with David. Look out world Mr. Clean is coming out swinging.

David Brenner...The Coolest Pen Pal Ever....

 Soul Parole: Making Peace with My Mind, GOD and Myself (PREVIEW)

Amazon/Kindle-soulparole.com March 17, 2012

I'm moving into the final stages of formatting with the printers and designers of Soul Parole. I had no idea so much went into the process. The experience has been rewarding and frustrating. I have learned so much! The book could have been released months ago. Film and TV projects like "Boss" and "My Extreme Animal Phobia," my "EXTRA HANDS of HOPE" charity and the decision to launch a publishing company of my own, Soul Parole Productions, Inc. instead of  publishing traditionally were God's detours.  Margins changed and monies to charity will benefit. The company is also ASCAP.

 My vision of helping artists get their works to market without losing their rights to the material is being realized. My yet unrealized reality is to have a think tank or communal group of artists that will be a central low or no cost council of elders to young artists is forming on the horizon.

The biggest obstacle has been in the editing process. Anyone who knows me is well aware of the fact that keeping it short isn't part of who I am. I am volumous. People unsubscribe to my Facebook feeds because I chatter. I also am not a polished writer. I am a talker on paper. The challenge has been in "keeping it real and raw," like it was when I was writing it. I don't like rewrites on my thoughts. I don't see commas float out of my mouth as I speak. The book will not be grammaticlly perfect. So be it. It will be emotionally accurate. 

This is one of my first blogs with mention of David Brenner. When I got sober I sent my stand-up to Tom Dreesen, David Brenner, Mike Toomey, Marsha Warfield and Billy Connolly. I told them all I was an addict and wanted to be a recovering alcoholic addict comic! Tom basically said showing your pain is important. We             wrote back and forth and he has been amazingly supportive. David has been the street wise Pen Pal. He always answers my notes but is more of a realist. He says stuff like, "don't tell people not to drink in a bar where the guy who's paying you gets his money from people who buy drinks." We have not been as close as me and Tom. Both have been very supportive of my mission to reach those still suffering from depression and addiction. Neither call me when they are in town. I have met Tom and talked with him more than a few times. He is Chicago comedy....

4th blog December 2010 

"Why Would You Ever Let Yourself Become A Comedian?"...David Brenner

Legendary comedian and writer David Brenner once posted on my Facebook wall, "I understand everything you have done and been, with one exception. Why would you ever let yourself become a comedian?"

I don't fully understand the word "let". The fact that such an iconic comedy pioneer responded to a schmuck like me makes me feel like I'm doing something right, or at least, making people think that. I appreciate the input, Mr. Brenner.

I started my professional comedy career in 2006. It was 7 days before my forty-first birthday, and since I had made trying stand-up before turning forty-one of my bucket list items, I signed up for an open mic at Barrel' O Laughs featuring Bill Brady in Oak Lawn, Chicago's longest running comedy venue. The rules were simple: no f-word, n-word, c-word, or p-word. I was cool with that, because I think the shock value of those words have unnecessarily taken over the crafting of a good joke.

My love for making people laugh was probably my first addiction. I was a happy kid outwardly, while growing up in a difficult existence. My mom and dad got divorced when I was two and my sister was five. Our apartment was tiny, almost motel-like, and a single mother with kids was stigmatized in those days. I did anything to make a relative, friend or stranger crack-up. Mom worked all the time, so entertaining myself and others was no problem. The sound of someone laughing at me and my antics drove me.  When Mom came home after a long day, it was show time, and I would make her laugh until she got mad at me. I felt those laughs in every fiber of my being. It was euphoric, and I wanted more,  and all the time.

When I started kindergarten at Carpenter Street School in the heart of Mokena, Illinois I had a whole new audience; the classroom and playground were my Broadway and Vegas. As the laughs grew, I grew more frantic saying and doing crazy physical comedy and impressions of kids, teachers, and movie stars.

Those were my happiest times in front of a crowd. Someone asked me, “How can you stand up in front of all those people and not be terrified?” The terror didn’t happen in front of a crowd, but when I was alone with my racing thoughts. “Class clown” was my official entry in elementary school and high school newspapers and yearbooks. Every laugh released endorphins in me, but I craved still more. If I was growing up now, I would absolutely be labelled as having attention defecit disorder.

As I took the stage that night, the Chicago Tribune was there and wrote a feature story on me based on people taking chances in their forties and older. The article was titled First Time Comic Stands up to His Fears and Takes the Stage, September 22, 2006. That added to my terror and made me really unpopular  with the other comics. I am grateful to say I was sober that night, but only because I was afraid I would forget my material if I was drunk. Bill Brady took me to the side before I went on and said, "Don't worry. We have very low expectations for you." It was priceless, and loosened me up. I hit the stage and the spotlight blinded my eyes. I remember thinking, “What a great idea,” because I couldn’t see the crowd. I later learned that's exactly why it was there.

I heard the first laugh, and I was hooked. My set was supposed to last seven minutes and I did twenty! I had no idea why the blue light was flashing on and off at the rear of the club. I thought a pizza order was ready for the waitress and just kept ripping. I wrapped up my set with a joke about Jesus returning as a union carpenter and being asked to turn one sausage into a thousand sausages at the company picnic. I didn't fail. I wouldn't call it a kill, but I felt euphoria. I told the reporter it was like climbing Mount Everest: pure adrenalin.

I think art chooses the artist. Unfortunately my models of comic and material success were guys like Richard Pryor, George Carlin, John Belushi, and Ernest Hemingway. Carson and Dean Martin always had a cocktail in hand. The dark side of comedy was seductive to me, and I planned on following in their steps. Those guys partied hard after they were famous. I was content for many years with the party and the darkness, but the material success never arrived. I just drank and used and thought of all the jokes I was gonna write...tomorrow.

Shameless...William H. Macy, Me, and Addiction Flashbacks! (REPLAY)

Soul Parole: Making Peace with My Mind, GOD and Myself (AMAZON-KINDLE-soulparole.com FEBRUARY,2012- Preview)

(original unedited version)

Shameless...William H. Macy, Me, and Addiction Flashbacks!

I was blessed to have the opportunity to work on an episode of the new Showtime series "Shameless," starring William H. Macy. I was cast as his neighbor and when the episode airs you will definitely see me. The show revolves around a father with alcohol issues trying to raise a brood of kids in the working neighborhoods of Chicago. It is well written and sure to be a hit.

It was an unseasonably warm November day for Chicago and the scene was taking place in the dead of winter. Temperatures got up into the 60's that day and we were dressed as if it were January. Snow trucks were brought in to create the winter scene, complete with a guy who had a spray can to dirty the snow on the street. I can not say what the episode was about specifically in respect and confidence to the Showtime Network and professional acting courtesy.

In both "Shameless" and "The Chicago Code," great pains are taken to make details and authenticity as accurate as possible. From regional dialect and slang, to the casting of locals in the neighborhood providing background, no detail is too small to overlook. When a shoot is in progress, lights, semis, cameras, wardrobe, trolley rails, productionassistants, actors and extras litter the street. Curious neighbors sit on their porch or on the sidelines taking in the magic and technical wizardry that makes Hollywood so cool.

If a civilian is brought into the production they must sign a waiver and are often paid for their appearance in it. On this particular day we were on the west side in one of the more blue collar, urban neighborhoods for the shoot. As we rehearsed our scenes and repeatedly returned to our marks for another take or camera angle change, a woman kept walking onto the set. After a few interruptions, one of the best production assistants I have ever worked with took her to the side and signed her up to be an official player for the shoot for that day.

The woman was haggard and seemed a bit nervous. She was in clothing that seemed worn for a few days in a row and was skittish and tweaky. She was obviously withdrawing and jonesing for whatever candy kept her going. An addict can pick out another in a stadium full of strangers. It is just a skill we pick up in case we need to commiserate or score. We are always scanning and defining the people around us. That one is uppity. That one is a push over. That one is full of themself. That one is weak. That one will buy my story and give me a few bucks. We move from character to character and are usually dead on in our predeterminations of our fellow man's weak spots.

I was lucky enough to play an integral part in a scene with William H. Macy. He is a consummate character actor and professional. I was in the middle of asking the director how she wanted me to play the scene and she walked away to put out a more important fire. Mr. Macy stopped over and answered my question as to how he felt my demeanor should be in reacting to his actions. He is not an ego guy. He is just a guy. He presented no pretension or condescension, only a desire in doing the scene as perfectly as possible. I thanked him and played my part as he suggested. I was surprised when he later joined the extras in the holding area for chit chat and a picture or two.
In the scene some money is thrown up in the air in celebration of a joyous event. Prop money was used for the rehearsal and actual cash when we were ready to print. Each of us were given a set denomination of moola and responsible for returning it at the wrap of the scene. I was drawn to the woman as after each scene was "cut" we would retrieve the amount we were given and prepare for the next "take." When the call came to "check the gate and print", the scene was over and we returned our money to the PA handling the bankroll. The amount of money distributed was less than what returned.

I returned my portion and looked around for the skittish woman but she was gone. I scanned the streets of the restricted area and saw her smiling ear to ear and shouting into her cell phone. She was a block away and through all the confusion and chaos that is business as usual on set, I could hear her pleas drifting to me from so far away. She waited by the corner and was picked up by a car that stopped just long enough for her to jump in as it lurched away.

My first urge was to tell the PA about the lady and be a hero and doer of good deeds. I didn't say a word though. As I returned my share, the old street code of not ratting out a fellow user came back to me as clear as the days when I was using. It was not my business and I was probably doing her a favor. There were a few more scenes that required my participation as camera angles were switched and slight changes to the scene printed, just in case they wanted to alter something later.

The woman returned shortly after she left on the 14 hour long shoot. She was a different person. Her speech was slower and clearer. She didn't twitch or itch and looked like she had found the medicine she needed to feel normal again. I felt for her. As I looked at her she smiled back, eyes glazed over and content. I knew how she felt. I had been there. I knew what it was like to go to any means necessary to get the chemical cure to what was ailing me. I said a prayer for her. I don't know if she took the money but I know what addicts are capable of. I thanked God for his grace that it wasn't me. I looked back once more at her euphoric grin and was grateful for another day of sobriety. But for the Grace of God there go I.

Tom Dreesen, The Chairman of the Board and My Pops

Tom Dreesen, an amazing person and legendary funnyman wii be at The Laugh Factory, Chicago on May 6, 2012. THe Show is at 5pm! Don't miss it. Tom's stories of his days with Sinatra, and his hilarious reflections on growing up in the business are priceless. This blog was written shortly after I met Tom for the first time. See You Guys Sunday!

(original post 10/11 unedited)

I have mentioned many times in past posts that I don't believe in coincidence. I feel that God has a grand plan for all of us. We just don't know what that plan is until we're looking back in the rear view mirror of our lives. How many times have you been thinking about a friend and they call unexpectedly? Haven't there been times when you were at your wits end and a stranger smiled at you or extended a compliment at just the right moment? Coincidence? I think not.

After my father passed away in July 2010 my world was shaken to its' foundation. I was sober for a year and a half when he died. GOD, and the help of others like me, helped me get sober 18 months prior to his death. It was so that I could be there for him. I had not been the greatest son during some pockets of time during my 28 years of alcoholism and addiction. I had used, abused and taken advantage of my Pops.' That's what addicts do. In those last 18 months we were able to reconnect and become father and son again. We also became best friends and confidants.

As he deteriorated in mind and body I would bathe and shave him and make him laugh. My dad had a laugh that made you laugh. It was difficult to see the tough Irish, self made guy who ran with "The Son's of Italy" as a kid melt away in front of me. God gave me the strength to be there for him, and second mom, when I was just beginning to get my own mind together. If I was still drinking the pain of seeing him so frail and disoriented would have been too much and I would have avoided him like a cop with a breathalyzer test.

 HE got me sober when he did to fulfill his plan of reuniting us and granted me the grace to make things right and be there when dad needed me most. I didn't see that when I was smack dab in the middle of the pile. I was an emotional wreck. I was still having panic attacks and learning how to cope with life without chemicals. I learned a lot about myself, my dad, my family and my God during those 18 months. Although it was the most difficult time in my life it is also one of the seasons of it season I treasure most.

After Dad was gone I decided I was going to go back to comedy and give acting a shot. I wasn't going to leave any dream or regret on the table. Two days after his memorial service I was on the set of "The Chicago Code." As for comedy I got pretty lucky. The first time I ever did stand-up the Chicago Tribune was at Barrel-O-Laughs in Oak Lawn to write a feature story for the METRO section about people taking chances at midlife. I had already joined the Navy Reserve at 40 and was one week away from my 41st birthday when I decided to follow a lifelong dream of being a comic. Yeah I know! We'll get back to the Navy thing another day.

 Not many comics get a front page spread in the Tribune Metro Section on their first gig. Most never do. It was God's plan and after they laughed at my first joke I was hooked. The bad thing was that I blanked on what the "flashing light" meant and my 7 minutes became 20! Bill Brady, emcee at the Barrel let me roll because the crowd was laughing and I had brought half of them. It was liking climbing Everest! As I saw the pictures of famous comedians on the wall like Steve Allen, Drew Cary and Jackie Mason I was star struck. As I stood on the same stage they had and people laughed at words I had cobbled together I was blown away!

I had been acting for 2 months. I hadn't done comedy in ages and sent out my act via facebook to Tom Dreesen, David Brenner, Marsha Warfield and Mike Toomey asking for some feedback. I got responses from everyone except Marsha. We have since become friends. She is out of the comedy game but is still a force in Chicago as an activist in educating people about tolerance, racism, equality and history. Dreesen, Warfield and Toomey are all from Chicago.  EVERYONE knows David Brenner is pure New York with an open run show in Vegas. I love his insights. Mike is a staple around Chicago on WGN, HBO, Comedy Central and anywhere he can talk about TV shows. He is a 10 year old trapped in Mike Toomey and a great guy.

I had the most feedback from Tom Dreesen. Here was a guy who had toured with Sinatra and Sammy Davis Jr. and he was taking time to help an unknown like me. I was familiar with Tom's story to some degree. As I learned more about his upbringing the parallels in our lives seemed similar. Knowing what I know now I see that God put Tom in my path to help me fulfill the mission I am on for HIM. The similarities are stark in our paths as far as our upbringing, our family friendly material and our desire to give back to the community through supporting worthy causes. We also both know catching your dreams is possible with faith, hope and friends. We differ in that he is a Comic legend and a Cub fan. I am an actor, story teller, writer and Sox fan who loves to make people laugh on a mission to share my story of delivery from addiction.

I knew Tom was from Harvey and part of "Tim and Tom" the first bi-racial comedy team. I also knew he did a lot of service work and fundraisers around Chicago. His reputation as a good guy is well known. His years with Frank Sinatra well documented. I loved Sinatra as a kid and still do. I had seen him on The Tonight Show and Letterman. That was where my education about the background of Tom Dreesen ended.

I got some good responses from Tom, David and Mike. I followed up my first message with a second one stating that I was in recovery and wanted to share my story of alcoholism, addiction, homelessness, hopelessness to recovery through hope, faith and the hand of a friend. Basically, I was doing a reverse in the classic show biz storyline. I was an addict who lived on skid row who was moving into show business and wondered if that would be committing career suicide by sharing that in my act.

Dreesen and Brenner are wonderful foils. Tom told me of Carl Reiner's advice to him as a young comic to "Show them your pain." Brenner pointed out that you don't wanna talk bad about booze in front of a crowd full of people enjoying a drink and a guy who is paying you with the money they bought them with. I am not anti booze. It's just not for me. I've had my share.

I continued to check in and my acting career was on the rise. I began to write my blog "Every Day is a Gift" in December as a cathartic diary about the pains of sobriety and the grieving over the loss of my father. Each entry, including this one is done in one sitting. It is one stream of consciousness. It keeps it real and honest. The grammar and punctuations suffers but I think the message is what counts. Within a few months the blog was named one of the "Top Addiction Blogs Online." As of today it is read in 52 countries on 6 continents. Addiction is universal. It is an equal opportunity killer and loves to destroy everybody in its' path.

The parallels began to align when I learned that Tom had family members with alcohol issues. He also started one of the countries first drug awareness programs in schools for kids as a Jaycee. That was what introduced him to Tim Reid and was the precursor to his comedy career. Coincidence? I think not. When I was named spokesman and Emcee for this years "Rally Round Recovery" I reached out to Tom for help in recording some promotional commercials. he didn't hesitate. He recorded 2 and the event was a huge success. I was grateful to be a part of the event and have been asked to return for "Rally Round Recovery 2012." Good Lord willing I'll be there.

As the blog got more popular someone suggested I turn it into a book. I had always wanted to write a novel. Sharing my stories of 3 failed marriages, living homeless, eating garbage, lving with undiagnosed depression issues and trying to take my own life was not the block buster I wanted out there. More loved ones of addicted people reached out. I shared my experiences in recovery and my belief that catching your dreams is possible no matter what the obstacle with faith and the hand of a friend. I decided to do it and that I could donate proceeds to recovery, homeless and mental health programs.

Soul Parole Productions, Inc. was born on July 7, 2011. The name is taken from the title of my book Soul Parole: Making Peace with My Mind, GOD and Myself. It will be released December 17, 2011 on AMAZON. That is one year to the day from when I started the blog. I have chosen the recovery, homeless and mental health programs and institutions the book will help support. I hope to find a corporate sponsor to help me get on the road and share my story with as many people possible.

Last night Squeaky and I met Tom Dreesen after a fundraiser for St. Scholastica School for girls in Chicago. After countless emails, messages and phone calls I felt like I already knew him as we shook hands. It was a firm comfortable grip. He was set to meet with the alumni and special guests and made time for Squeaky and me.  He's just a working stiff in a tux with a heart of gold. He is exactly as you see him in the media. Tom is Tom. Knowing his story and what his mission in lifehas been, I KNOW, I know him. He was warm and welcoming. I thought Squeaky was going to hug him to death. He took time to take pictures for the book.

In my short career as an actor and comic I have been blessed to work in a lot of films and tv series in a very short time. I have passed on the name of my agent and casting directors to a handful of acting and comic hopefuls along the way. A few of them have already passed me by and are SAG actors and landed regular roles in cable series. I am grateful that I could help them on their journey. People helped me get sober and to where I am in my career and life. Holding your hand out to a friend is what I think the whole purpose is to us being here.

People are put in my path. I was put in the path of others to help them in God's plans for them. We all are messengers and have gifts to share. Tom  has shown me that helping others up the ladder is something that should never be forgotten no matter how far you climb or don't. At this point not helping others would leave a void in my life. It's my career that may suffer. I think that sharing my story, addiction and ending the stigmas that go along with it and depression is going to be my career. God will let me know.

Tom wrote the foreword for Soul Parole. I am grateful for that. His words are touching and I feel a little unworthy of them. Tom has become much more than a reviewer or advisor in these last several months. He has become my model for my act and my mission to give back to the community. I am sharing my story of pain, hope and catching my dreams. If one person hears my story and it helps them act on their addiction, gives them courage to face a fear or inspires them to catch their dreams... then my 28 years of pain was not spent in vain... it was just part of God's plan.

If I Could Eat My Words I'd Never Have to Shop Again!

I am grateful to GOD for giving me a sense of humor. I am more grateful that HE has one too. As an actor, comic and writer, part of the gift of that humor is that I verbalize the things that people are thinking but don't have the nerve or need to spit out. That's great because it keeps guys like me, philosophers, pundits and poets in business. Tom Dreesen told me that Carl Reiner told him early in his career to "show people your pain." I have always done that in my act. I poke a lot of fun at myself. People identify with the daily mishaps of just trying to get by.

The distance between the frontal lobe (MY MELON) and the voice box (MY BIG FAT MOUTH) is only a few inches. I have seen many pictures of the brain. It looks to me like chubby Ramen Noodles mixed with Silly Putty all smushed together and placed in an airtight bonehead container. It's quite a fascinating looking machine. When I am told that we use less than 10% of it I am appalled. What the hell is flying around in the other 90% of the noodles that we don't use?! The few I am trying to get a rise out of are driving me and everybody around nuts!

I need to call the people who design filters for water or furnaces because I have a bit of a problem. In my personal life those same skills that make me a funny comic or good improv actor sometimes make me a poor communicator. That's PC talk for sometimes I say exactly the wrong thing at the wrong time and I can't help it! I want a filter between the Ramen Noodles, The Silly Putty and my pie hole!

As a recovering alcoholic/addict the problem is doubled because we learn to use words as weapons of mass destruction like fists, knives and passive aggressive napalm! We find our loved ones' tender spots in passionate moments of weakness, trust or sweet confession and BAM! If we get pushed the wrong way we will pull that sweet secret you never told a soul and spit it in your face like rattle snake venom.

In recovery that doesn't just disappear. It slowly goes away but I still have my moments. I'm not beating myself up right now. Don't worry I'll do that when I get to my rant about procrastination somewhere down the line. I am just becoming more self aware of some of my character flaws. Some of the time I am hilarious. Yet other times I can be critical and hurtful and not even realize I am doing it.

The power of a word is more damaging than a fist in my estimation. Both are violent. A sore chin will heal. The wounding of the mind through criticism and demeaning can be crippling. A perfect example is that there were many times my wife called me an alcoholic and every swear word her Berwyn upbringing could conjure up, and they meant nothing to me. The day she called me PATHETIC was the day I took my last drink. Why THAT was the word that pushed my "get sober" button GOD only knows.

The point is that a few simple letters put in a prearranged form said at the right time, under the right conditions had a life changing impact on me. The biggest argument my wife and I EVER had was about...wrapping paper! Yes you heard it...WRAPPING PAPER. Left to it's own proper use wrapping paper is associated with joy and gift giving. In the context of the argument it was connected to my ex-wife and it was a hot button for Squeaky. We were screaming. There were attorneys involved in the uproar. She shouted that I was an "Oedipus Complex!" I spat back that she was an "unclean female dog." It really got ugly. By the time we got home we had pulled over and stopped to laugh at the fact we were going to divorce court over...Wrapping Paper.

The most frequently mentioned subject in the Bible is our words and how we use them. The second is fear. Usually the two go hand in hand. I have a tendency of shooting my mouth off when I am scared of losing something, someone getting hurt or someone hurting another person I love. At that point the Ramen Noodle-Silly Putty-Tongue is connected. That is dangerous for me and something that I am working on. The quick wit and snarky comment work great on stage and for hecklers. Not so for family and friends.

I am trying to incorporate a few new rules into my personal behavior for rules of engagement. These help me with human relations and how comfortably I live with myself. They are as follows and are not all my creations. Most of them were taught to me:

1. I do not have to be right nor have an opinion on everything.
2. It's okay to say "I don't know."
3. I refuse to have arguments with people unless they are actually there!
4. The phrase "hold your tongue"... can actually be done.
5. When I am unsure of what to do, phone a friend is good.
6. When I react emotionally so do other people!
7. Doing NOTHING when I am unsure is acceptable.
8. I do not have to jump into every conversation I meet.
9. Whatever dress I want my wife to wear... pick the opposite one so she wears the one I like.
10. Turn to GOD more often Tom. When you lean on his words you need less of your own...

The Gap Between Pain and Praise!

I am grateful to GOD for giving me a sense of humor. I am grateful that HE has one too. As an actor, comic and writer, part of the gift of that humor is that I verbalize the things that people are thinking but don't have the nerve or need to spit out. That's great because it keeps guys like me, philosophers, pundits and poets in business. Tom Dreesen told me that Carl Reiner told him to "Show people your pain." I have always done that in my act. I poke a lot of fun at myself. People identify with the daily mishaps of just trying to get by.

The distance between the frontal lobe (MY MELON) and the voice box (MY BIG FAT MOUTH) is only a few inches. I have seen many pictures of the brain. It looks to me like chubby Ramen Noodles mixed with Silly Putty all smushed together and placed in an airtight bonehead container. It's quite a fascinating looking machine. When I am told that we use less than 10% of it I am appalled. What the hell is flying around in the other 90% of the noodles that we don't use?! The few I am trying to get a rise out of are driving me and everybody around me nuts!

I need to call the people who design filters for water or my furnace because I have a bit of a problem. In my personal life those same skills that make me a funny comic or good improv actor sometimes make me a poor communicator. That's PC talk for sometimes I say exactly the wrong thing at the wrong time and I can't help it! I want a filter between the Ramen Noodles, The Silly Putty and my pie hole!

As a recovering alcoholic/addict the problem is doubled because we learn to use words as weapons of mass destruction like fists, knives and passive aggressive napalm! We find our loved ones' tender spots in loving moments of rapture or sweet confession and BAM! If we get pushed the wrong way we will pull that sweet secret you never told a soul and spit it in your face like rattle snake venom.

In recovery that doesn't just disappear. It slowly goes away but I still have my moments. I'm not beating myself up right now. Don't worry I'll do that when I get to my rant about procrastination somewhere down the line. I am just becoming more self aware of some of my character flaws. Some of the time I am hilarious. Yet other times I can be critical and hurtful and not even realize I am doing it.

The power of a word is more damaging than a fist in my estimation. Both are violent. A sore chin will heal. The wounding of the mind through criticism and demeaning can be crippling. A perfect first hand example is that there were many times my wife called me an alcoholic and every classic swear word her Berwyn upbringing could conjure up and they meant nothing to me. The day she called me PATHETIC was the day I took my last drink. Why that was the word that pushed my "get sober" button GOD only knows.

The point is that a few simple letters put in a prearranged form said at the right time under the right conditions had a life changing impact on me. The biggest argument my wife and I EVER had was about...wrapping paper! Yes you heard it...WRAPPING PAPER. Left to it's own proper use wrapping paper is associated with joy and gift giving. In the context of the argument it was connected to my ex-wife and it was a hot button for Squeaky. We were screaming. There were attorneys involved in the chat. She shouted that I was an "Oedipus Complex!" I spat back that she was an "unclean female dog." It really got ugly. By the time we got home we had pulled over and stopped to laugh at the fact we were going to divorce over...Wrapping Paper.

The most frequently mentioned subject in the Bible is our words and how we use them. The second is fear. Usually the two go hand in hand. I have a tendency of shooting my mouth off when I am scared of losing something, someone getting hurt or someone hurting another person I love. At that point the Ramen Noodle-Silly Putty-Tongue is connected. That is dangerous for me and something that I am working on. The quick wit and snarky comment work great on stage and for hecklers. Not so for Family and friends.

I am trying to incorporate a few new rules into my personal behavior and rules of engagement. These help me with other human relations and how comfortably I live with my self. They are as follows and are not all my creations. Most of them were taught to me:

1. I do not have to be right nor have an opinion on everything.
2. It's okay to say "I don't know."
3. I refuse to have arguments with people unless they are actually there!
4. The phrase "hold your tongue"... can actually be done.
5. When I am unsure of what to do, phone a friend is good.
6. When I react emotionally so do other people!
7. Doing NOTHING when I am unsure is acceptable.
8. I do not have to jump into every conversation I meet.
9. Whatever dress I want my wife to wear... pick the opposite one so she wears the one I like.
10. Turn to GOD more often Tom. When you lean on his words you need less of your own...

A Rally a Recovery and a Miracle

I had the privilege of being the Spokesman and Emcee for this years "Rally Round Recovery 2011" event held in Downtown Joliet for the last 7 years. September is recognized nationally as "Recovery Month. I was humbled when asked to be the point man for this noble cause.

The Rally was scheduled for September 17, 2011 at Bicentennial Park in the heart of Joliet. It was a day dedicated to life in recovery. The park was filled with information booths covering drug and alcohol recovery resources as well as over eaters programs, health and fitness, a free mobil dental clinic, half-way houses, dancers, bands, Public Officials and me as the court jester and comic on tap.

Leading up to the rally one of the original warriors in drug and alcohol awareness, "Harvey's Pride" and my model for public service and show business, Tom Dreesen recorded PSA's for the event. Dreesen is relentless in his commitment to Chicago and public service. The day I was doing the Rally for Recovery he was in town promoting the importance of  prostrate screening. I think I got the better end of the deal. Tom has been an inspiration and mentor, and I plan on making serving the community that has been so good to me a permanent part of my career.

A few weeks prior to the rally I received a proclamation from the Will County Board of Commissioners declaring September National Recovery Month and Recognizing the Rally event. I gave a speech. It was short and sweet focusing on the fact that addiction was a perfect democracy and equal opportunity killer. It does not discriminate against anyone. It wants you dead but will settle for you high. A week later there was another proclamation in front of the Joliet City Council and the Mayor.

I couldn't help but think that I had been with those same officials when I was in court for my first divorce that fell apart due to my alcoholism. I had been in the court rooms due to a DUI in 1992. Now I stood before the City Officials as a testament to the power and wonders of sobriety. It was humbling. I made a joke at the Commissioners proclamation that it was nice to be in front of such a distinguished body by invitation, not subpoena! They laughed. I half meant it. I had roamed those streets drunk or looking for drugs in years gone by. It was a surreal moment come full circle.

I have talked a lot about my wife Kris, whom I affectionately call Squeaky. Her kidney operation was scheduled for the 19th. Two days after the rally. We had been going through some rough patches up until that day. Just as we were pulling into the rally where I was to be "Celebrity Comic and Actor Tommy Connolly," we got into a fight. She was scared. I was scared. I have been doing a lot of community service work and working with recovering people and she has felt left out. It culminated with "maybe we spend some time apart after you recover from your surgery?"

That shows me how silly of an argument it was and that even though we were mad I would never leave her in a time of need. I  would never leave her period, but tempers were flaring. She's Italian and I'm Irish and speaking our mind has never been a problem. I should have just let her vent. It was obvious that I would be taking time away from all of my other work while she was on the mend from surgery. I had prearranged all my appearances and film work to block out a few weeks to devote exclusively to my wife's recovery.

Prior to my hitting the stage I hugged her and said we were talking silly and that it was the pressure and strain of the surgery, the book release, the movie release of "Chasing Hollywood and the rally and we would be just fine. She agreed.

As a comic and actor no matter what mood your in when you hit the stage or set you are "ON." That is you
become a performer. All moods, distractions, sickness and pain are put aside and you entertain. I was off to the races and it was a beautiful day. The weather was perfect. The sun was shining. The crowd was excited. It was difficult to share the experience we are having with Sunny's addiction issues. My wife was the one who shot me the look to go ahead and share our family struggle. She is doing better as of this writing.

It was great to see so many local and state officials who fight for alcohol, addiction and recovery legislation  on hand for the event. Will and Grundy County are lucky to have public servants who truly care about their constituents. I was honored to meet Senator A.J. Wilhelmi, States Attorney James Glasgow, County Commissioner Ann Dralle, Representative Mike Turk, Judge Ray Nash, Larry Walsh, Jim Murphy from the Mayors office and many other fine elected officials who serve the people not their personal career goals.

33 months ago I was hungover. My wife was ready to leave me. I had no self respect. I was having panic attacks daily. I was drinking 24 plus beers daily. I could not, not drink. My family was in shambles my life was no life at all.

Fast forward to now. I am sober. I have dignity and can look any man in the eye. I have respect for myself and my fellows. I am a husband, father and friend who can be depended on. I am respected in the community. I have been able to catch my dreams in comedy, acting and as an author.

I take no credit for these things. God gave me a 635th chance. People in Recovery showed me how to live free of chemicals and live in the solution, not the problem. I have been able to help other young actors and comics as Tom Dreesen, Bill Brady and David Brenner did for me.

I have learned that this thing called life I am caught up in is not a solo act. I stayed sick alone so long because I tried to figure it out by myself for 28 years. In that condition it was impossible to use my sick mind to give myself sane advice. You can not do it alone. There is very little you can. We all need each other. If your having a bad day with yourself reach out to a friend or stranger you'll be amazed how quickly your day gets better when you have gotten out of your own head...My next stop was with Squeaky into the operating room and her kidney operation...

Rally's and Alley's a "BOSS" DAY! (Soul Parole)

I am grateful to have been asked to emcee and perform at Rally Round Recovery 2012. It is an honor. This is from 2011 and a chapter preview from Soul Parole.


Time: 8:00 am. I'm sitting in Joliet's Hotel Plaza restaurant in the heart of the city, just across from the library. It's been here forever. I'd call it a diner. This is my kinda joint. It's no frills, good food and great prices. The place has a feel about it. It breathes. You can feel the history as you slide into your booth, sticking halfway into place. 

There's a handful of tables and the prerequisite single stool bar. A couple of regulars checker the place. The waitress knows everyone by name and what they want as they sit down. She treats me like she's known me for years as she offers me coffee, a menu and my choice of newspapers. That's service.

I know what I'm going to order. I am a creature of habit. It'll be two eggs over medium with hash browns and ham well done. She takes my menu and flashes a smile while tucking it under her arm and spinning toward the kitchen. It's waitress ballet. I have been here, and by here, before as both an alcoholic/addict and in recovery. In a few short hours I will be standing in front of the Will County Board, the County President and State's Attorney. I feel my nerves and blood pressure beginning to build.

The men's room is just around the corner from where I am sitting. I can't help but notice a group of photos hanging in a bunch along the way. They have shot an episode of "Boss," the new Kelsey Grammer series debuting this fall on STARZ here. There is a picture of Kelsey and an autographed pic of Director Mario Van Peebles on a bulletin board along with some other celebrities. I smile, grateful that I have been blessed to work on a 4 episodes of the show. Several of the episodes are directed by Mr. Van Peebles. I am a featured extra as a school teacher in one episode. The irony is staggering knowing that in years gone by I have bought drugs not far from this very spot. I have also talked to struggling addicts here trying to get their lives together.

I return to the table and my food awaits. The egg whites are cooked but runny. Perfect. I have no idea what I am going to say when they present the County Proclamation to me as Spokesman and Emcee of "Rally Round Recovery 2011." I know God will give me the words when my moment comes. I just hopes he gives me good ones. Whatever they are, they will be grateful ones. I skim the newspaper and am careful not to get food on my clothes. I am a slob. I am the guy who drops a meatball down his shirt even when he's not eating a meatball.

I pay my tab and tip the waitress. I begin to make my way toward the courthouse only to realize that the event is at the county building. Joliet has changed so much in the last 20 years. The downtown area is gorgeous. I stroll past alleys where I once looked for "dates" or chemical escape, happy to be alive and sober. The sun is shining and I am on the right side of the street. I have a choice today not to use. There was a time when I had no choice. I begged my addiction to spare me for the day but it always managed to find a reason to beat me into submission again and again. Not today.

I arrived at the Will County Commission building before nine. One of the beauties of sobriety is I am not late. I greet Robert Snipes and Paul Lauridsen, organizers and bigwigs from Stepping Stones Recovery home and Southwest Alliance for Recovery. We sat in the gallery amongst the political elite. It was fascinating watching the District Commissioners talk in millions like you and I would talk in hundreds. I loved the fact that a prayer was done before the session. Forget Church and State. I want God to bless any meeting that has to do with my money!

As they called us up and Commissioner Dralle called me to the podium I was still shaking. Representative Larry Walsh handed me the plaque recognizing "Rally Round Recovery 2011" and September as National Recovery month. I thanked the commissioners and council members for their support and for having me there by invitation, not by SUBPOENA! It was a truly humbling moment, and one I will never forget.

I can't recall what I said beyond the joke. My recovery mentor says if I don't remember when I speak in situations like that it came from the heart or GOD, not me. I like that. In a few moments we were whisked off and the next group to be recognized was ushered up to the podium. I was still shaking.

David Brenner told me if you don't get butterflies before a performance get out of the business because it means you've lost your passion. I believe that. I have a genuine passion in sharing my story to let people know they are not alone but can not do it alone. The 28 years I suffered through and put my family through were hell. I see more and more in my sobriety as I help others in recovery and those with depression issues that those days were not spent in vain. I would not wish that hell on ANYONE.

As each day goes by and I share my message of hope, faith and the wonders of sobriety I am giving away what was given to me by those who came before me. I am a garden variety drunk and addict with a cool job. I am grateful to GOD that he continues to give me work in the business. I love both acting and comedy. I get my greatest satisfaction showing people the wonders of sobriety and living with the choice not to use.

"This is the Radio Clash on Pirate Satellite..."....The Clash........My Crash!

I hope that title got your toe tapping a bit. I love that song by Joe Strummer and the boys. But sadly it was also when they started to edge towards the mainstream and away from the politically fueled anthems that made them the force they were in the early to mid 70's. I can relate to the song and it's significance to the band. At that time pirate radio was huge in Europe as enterprising "stations" set up anywhere they could, including the middle of the ocean, to be free from the restrictions of censorship that the Motherland was imposing on their musical content.

Today I began "Every Day is a Gift NOW!, the radio brother of this book. It was a smashing bowl of "uh's," "uhm's," and dead air. I learned a lot from the experience about the world of talk radio and myself. I am glad I did it. That is why I took the chance and made the leap into something new. I'm also glad that it didn't go swimmingly because it showed that it is easier to sit in front of a keyboard and gather my thoughts as I put them to paper or cyber print. Dead air doesn't play well on radio. It also showed me that the same amount of preparation that I put into developing a character for a film or commercial part has to be done for radio. I can't ad lib everything.

The two most important things it taught it me was that "it's not as easy as it look," and that falling on your ass can be the best thing for you sometimes. I have done radio and newspaper interviews about my "Story" before and have been a DJ on a 50, 000 watt radio station when I was 21. You can "hem and haw" during a newspaper interview and the reporter omits those leaving behind a nicely quaffed puff piece. When I had a radio show in mid-80's on WAUR I had music to drive the show and only needed bits of banter to sprinkle in between the Herman's Hermits and Buckingham's. During radio interviews there are breaks and half the time is covered by the host, so your 50 % covered right? The focus and direction is covered for you.

I don't know how many times I've sat and watched athletes and young actors or entertainers give an interview filled with "um's," "ya' knows," "uh's," and other silly talk and thought. 'Boy, you'd think these kids could learn to talk and think of something more intelligent to say.' Open mouth insert microphone here Tommy boy! The only thing that I didn't do at the end of the show was thank God for giving me the strength to win the game. I always find that fascinating in post game interviews. Like God has time to take out of His extremely busy day to pick an over and under in a football or basketball game.

I thought my "gift of gab" and my prior radio experience, combined with my knowledge of my own story would make doing my first talk show a huge success automatically. It didn't and doesn't work that way. God sent me a wonderful message today. Be prepared at all times. Don't take yourself so serious kid and have a plan B & C if plan A isn't going as you would like it to. He also humbled me a bit, a good thing for all of us from time to time.

I will be more prepared for my next show. No, I am not giving it up. It wasn't a catastrophe. It was still genuine and heartfelt. It was still me with the right motive and message. I just need to game plan better. I am looking for a sponsor of the program. I don't make a dime. It goes to Blogtalkradio. The cost is $360 for the entire year. It includes banners and impressions and lots of mentions by me. It will allow me to have up to 5, 2 hour shows per week, toll free numbers and up to 50 callers on line at once. I can't afford to upgrade the show. What I like most about the package is that it will allow me to pre-record shows and upload them to a schedule so they can be played at a predetermined time as to not interfere with the jobs I am soon to be getting.

When I was getting back into comedy and wrestling with whether I was going to include my addiction and depression history as part of my back story, I was talking a lot to two of comedy's big hitters, Tom Dreesen and David Brenner. Mr. Dreesen said, "Show them your pain," a piece of advice given to him by Carl Reiner. David Brenner told me that, "A groan is just as important as a laugh. Why? because it's a reaction." Both men have been very gracious to me and I am thankful for their support.

Today I definitely showed some pain and felt some. There were some groans on my side of the microphone and your side of the Internet dial. That's okay though. If everything went smooth all the time I would freak out. I learn more from pain and adversity than success. Today was a bump in the road. Now we get back up, realize all is well and continue on from here. Thanks for the support. I will have a new show scheduled by Wednesday. Talking about my struggles and the great city of Chicago is going to be fun. I can talk about walking some of the cleanest streets in America and sleeping on a few of them as well. God Bless! If you missed the show go to www.blogtalkradio.com/tommyconnolly The show is archived there. Everyday is a Gift! Be well!

Dad? I Know It's My First Day of College....I'm In Jail...

Tom Dreesen, legendary comedian and Rat Pack wing man, chimed in on "How to Scare Away The Legends of Comedy in 3 Easy clicks" with some insightful comments on life that illustrate the point of this chapter and a lot of my comedy. As I have written Mr. Dreesen, David Brenner, Mike Toomey and many other comics and actors have helped me with my career, this chapter and with life lessons in general. I have never met them in person but consider them friends. Their willingness to reach out a hand of support to a stranger is rare and refreshing.

In the comment Tom referred to some advice that Carl Reiner gave him while climbing the ladder of comedic success. Reiner said that he should, "Make the people laugh...,"Show them your pain...," "They love to see the pain..." Those comments summarily state my intended purpose here. I share my pain and mix in something to chuckle about so you can relate. I use this platform to expose my pain in hopes that it reaches out a hand of support to a stranger who knows that same pain. I hope I never give you the impression that I feel sorry for myself and that every day was black. That isn't so. Everything that I went through good, bad or indifferent got me to TODAY! If one person gets relief from one of my chapters then my experiences were worth it! God got me through that so I could do this.

After graduating from Lincoln-Way High School in New Lenox, Illinois with the class of 1983 I was anxious to leave for college. I was heading to Illinois State-Bloomington and I was ready for the time of my life. After seeing the movie "Animal House" I was absolutely driven to go to college. It wasn't to receive a good education and forge a path to professional success. It was to party! I wanted to be Bluto Blutarski plain and simple.

I arrived at the state campus in August of 1984. My car was packed to the roof with all the necessities and comforts of home to fill my tiny cubicle-like dorm room. I had arrived with a case of beer, some pot and I was ready for "Delta House!" I parked in a no parking zone and put on my flashers as I began schlepping my stuff up to the 9th floor of Manchester Hall. I took the the fridge and the beer first so I could have it chilled for unwinding after my haul was unloaded. I had a fake I.D. and thought I was going to be the big man on campus.

After my first few trips up and down the elevator to my room I met a returning sophomore. Look at me, I have only been here an hour and I'm already hobnobbing with the upper class men! I offered him a beer, which he accepted, and we small talked our way through the suds. I was naive, and still am, about the motives of my new friend. After finishing his beer he opened up the window and tossed the empty can out of the 9th floor window. He wished me good luck and went on his way. I thought it was so cool. College was just like I imagined it would be!

I finished my can feeling smug and assured that this was the life for me. After returning to my car for the final load of my new home's contents I arrived back at my room only to be greeted by two new friends. One was the resident assistant and the other was a uniformed member of the campus police. I trembled as they asked to search my room for contraband. Upon entering they quickly discovered the beer in the small fridge and confiscated it. I was issued a warning from the R.A. and a verbal undressing from the campus officer. He was standing on the sidewalk near the dorm and saw my new sophomore friend toss the can from the window to the ground below. He counted the rows up and over to the window and matched it to my room. The 22 remaining beers in my mini-fridge were the same brand as the hurled empty and I was busted.

Feeling shaken at the whole incident I was both scared and exhilarated by the encounter. I got away with it. How cool was that? Remembering that I had my fake I.D., I returned to my illegally parked car. Replacing my lost booty would be easy because there was a liquor store just a few blocks away. Buying beer in a college town was a lot different than getting some hooch from one of the isolated taverns around the little village I had just come from. I entered the store and was greeted by a man who asked to see my identification. With complete confidence I pulled the bogus credentials from my wallet and handed it to the fine fellow. I grabbed another case of beer and headed for the check-out line.

As I approached the older looking man at the counter I began to feel uneasy. I kept my cool and slid the case before the cashier and reached into my pocket for some money. As I did so another man walked into the store. It was a fully uniformed Bloomington police officer and he was quickly shuffling in my direction. "Sir, is this your identification?" "Yes." "Are you T. Connolly?" "Uh-huh?" "Sir I am going to have to place you under arrest for trying to purchase liquor as a minor and possession of fraudulent identification. Can you please step outside?"

As he ushered me outside my mind began to race. I had seen movies about prison and "Scared Straight." All of my worst nightmares flashed before me at the vision of me washing my cell mates underwear in the tiny metal cell sink while he called me sweetheart. I turned to the officer and asked meekly "Are you going to put me in a cell with a big guy called Bubba?" He chuckled and said that I would be processed and released if I could post the bail for the charges.

I was already a functional alcoholic by this time and after realizing I wasn't going to become some mutant felon's play toy I laughed inside. I thought it was so cool that I had been arrested! Look at me, the skinny kid from Mokena has a wrap sheet. I will forever be able to spin yarns about the time I spent in the joint. There was no shame or connection that I had been very close to serious trouble involving booze twice that day. I gloated at my good fortune and thought to myself how it was like the movie.

I was finger printed and had my picture taken center, left and right with a tiny placard that stated my name and case number. I don't remember the number or how much bail it cost to get out. I called my roommate. After coming to my rescue we laughed all the way back to the dorm in the cab he had gotten. Upon returning to the store where I was taken down, I saw that my car had been towed. We quickly rerouted the cab and I spent more money getting my car out of the pound. I was not frustrated, ashamed, concerned or troubled with the events of the day. To me it was one big joke.

I made it back to my new home at Manchester Hall and told all my new friends my tale of crime, adventure, the narrow escape from consummation with Bubba and the car being towed. Then reality hit me. I had to tell my parents or at least A parent. I would call my father. He would find great humor in my story and we would both have a huge laugh over the whole incident. I dialed my dad's number and nervously giggled as I retold the events of the day. There was something missing! What, no laughing? The silence on the other end of the line was deafening and the pause seemed to last a lifetime. The weight of my irresponsibility fell on me. The disappointment in the tone of my dad's voice fell even heavier. "It's your FIRST day of college. Is this what I have to look forward to and worry about over the next few years?" My heart sunk. I mumbled an apology to my father and said goodbye. There would be more arrests, more calls to my father and even more empty "I'm sorrys."