Devil Done Did it!

I have a habit of telling people, "GOD BLESS YOU." No, not just when they sneeze, all the time. I like to add "MAY YOUR GOD BLESS YOU," as well. I am a Christian but feel faith is a personal issue. The key to spiritual contentment starts with a personal relationship with GOD.

Wishing blessings upon people is a beautiful thing. However, I think as Americans we are blessed beyond our wildest dreams. We take our freedom for granted. When I see rude angry people on the street I am puzzled by how they could think we have it so bad. Don't get me wrong, the economy and job market is horrible. I just can't see why everyone is so miffed. Spend a few days living in the streets and your outlook will change in a jiffy. On your next trip to the islands or Mexico have a guide take you outside the tourism district. You'll see people living in boxes...literally!

Why is it that when good things happen we say,"Thank God," but when something bad happens, we blame it on the devil? I don't know about you but I grow the most through pain. As a parent I can be a great guy for twenty-nine days of the month and be in a bad mood one day, and that's what the kids remember. GOD puts us through terrible things to change our direction and give us strength.

I believe in the devil. I just don't think he's the source of all the bad things that happen in our lives. GOD doesn't micromanage. I think GOD says "NO". HE says, "Not Yet," and "I have another plan." We have to keep our eyes out for dark forces, but freewill and, GOD's will need to be considered. When we don't know what his will is, doing the next right thing is usually a pretty good choice.

When my father died it devastated me. It still does. When he passed I was grateful to GOD for relieving him of his pain. His passing gave me the motivation to pursue my dreams of being a comic, actor and writer. This was a painful time that changed my perspective on living. I am more afraid of not living my life to the fullest, than I am of dying.

We can pray to do "GOD'S WILL." However, WE have to do things that are adding to the goodness here on earth...as it is in heaven.  He won't parallel park my car in the city. He won't call me up with job opportunities. He will send messengers. We are to get it, then get it done. We do the footwork.

There are times I have thanked GOD for teaching me a lesson. Sometimes I need to be redirected to the path I think he wants me to travel. I can't do anything to impress him. I can do things that would please him. Mostly, I can do good things for others as a way of saying thanks for all that you do for me BIG GUY!

When I mess up unintentionally that is my humanity. When I act like a jerk because life isn't going MY WAY, I can't blame it on the devil! If I don't work at being good, and helping others, how can I be surprised when things turn bad? When tragedies happen I don't need to blame it on the devil. I'm not going to give him that much credit. Sometimes I have to look in the mirror and decide if the devil really made me do it...or not do it, or was it me. Sometimes I just have to keep the FAITH in knowing the answers will come. I just have to let them in....

Another Beer With Dad....

Another Beer with Dad....

TODAY IS THE SECOND MEMORIAL DAY WITHOUT MY FATHER. I WILL BRING HIM A BEER, LIKE I DID LAST YEAR. IT WILL BE NICE TO WATCH HIM HAVE A COLD ONE....

There are certain concepts that I, as a recovering addict, have to keep at the forefront of my thinking if I am to maintain my sobriety. The most important one is to remember at all times that I am just one drink or drug away from the hell I went through for nearly 28 years. When I wake up in the morning I ask God to get into my head before I do because if I get in first it can be a very long and difficult day.

It doesn't mean that I am going to drink or take a drug. It does mean that addiction is a thinking problem. More specifically it is an over thinking problem. At least for me it is. If I wake up and get my melon into overdrive before my first tinkle, the day is likely to be filled with worry, anxiety, frustration, fear, anger, resentment and all the negative emotions that drove my addiction and depression for years.

I used to escape me, not you. Although I don't use any longer I still find myself following me wherever I go. I have had to forge a new relationship with me based on the things I have learned in recovery. My life is for the most part exactly what I want it to be. I am grateful to be alive and thriving in the acting and comedy world, something that was impossible while using. More importantly, I am a trusted friend, husband, father and son. I also try to help others find their way to the gift of sobriety that I have been given so freely.

That being said, I love days when I am just about to crawl under my Scooby Doo sheets and I realize that I went the whole day NOT realizing I was an addict, alcoholic or depression sufferer. In other words, I made it through the day like an earthling! How cool is that?! It doesn't mean that I take my disease for granted. It means I am getting stronger in my sobriety. I spent 28 years using. It will take the rest of my life untwisting the mess inside my head and those I tried to rewire along the way.

Yesterday was the paradox of that feeling. If you watched the video I posted above, Squeaky and I went to Abraham Lincoln National Cemetery yesterday to "have a beer with my Dad." I stopped at the liquor store and was thrilled that the one I visited allowed for the purchase of just one. It has been two and a half years since I have purchased alcohol and it really had no effect on me. I was on a mission to get my dad a beer. My family knows I am McGyver-like in my focus when there is a mission at hand.

The funny side note to that was I stopped at the local corner store to try to get a can earlier in the morning, having forgotten the Sunday selling restrictions, and the store owner looked at me cockeyed when I asked what time they were open for liquor sales. I quickly said it was for my Dad. I am surprised they stayed in business after I quit the stuff. I know their profits went way down for sure!

The memorial was beautiful. It stopped raining long enough for us to toast Pops. The birds were singing and he has a great view of the forest and a pavilion where they honor the latest Vet to be interred there. In an ironic twist he is right next to a soldier named Jones, my wife's maiden name. That soldier was only 46 years old.

As I spilled the frothy beer into the gravel, the earth seemed to gulp it down with vigor. The soldiers all had a sip along with my dad. As I said my goodbyes I could smell the beer on my hands and it brought memories flooding into my mind; some good, many bad. The good ones were of the many laughs I had with my dad over a few cold ones at many a Bear game and when I worked for him. The bad was for the months, and at one time years, I missed in my alcoholic fog that we didn't speak because he couldn't bare to see me self-destruct.

There was no sadness in the time with him. I spent many hours with him at the end of his life making up for those lost years. I am at peace with my past mainly because I can not change it. I have learned from it and know what not to do so I don't have to live it again. I always like to point out in my blog that I am not anti-alcohol or anti-anything. It's just not for me because I can't stop once I get rolling. One is too many and a thousand isn't enough.

Squeaky chuckled as I wiped my hands in the grass to get the smell off my hands. It was like I was trying to wipe bird poop off my hands. My few moments of discomfort were worth the symbolic enjoyment I am sure my dad got out of that beer. He was probably laughing at me with his unit in heaven while I squished my nose at my skunky, beer soaked hands.

I know how he must have felt during those lost years when he didn't know where I was but knew I was hurting and slowly destroying myself. My middle daughter hasn't been around in a week. She dropped our son off today and didn't even stop in to say hi. She had a hangover. She is lost, but she's an adult. There is little I can do. I can be grateful for my sobriety, pray and have the confidence and faith that I will be of clear mind to help her when she's ready for it. My dad was there when I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. I'll be there for her too.

The Enlisted Protect YOUR FREEDOM! Say THANKS!

My Dad and I had a lot in common. We both shared a passion for the Bears, America and Ireland. We both wore our Irish-American Pride on our shirt sleeves. Making other people laugh made us laugh. I can't count how many Bear games we endured in the 70's, and cheered through, in the 80's and 90's. Lastly, we both served in the United States Armed Forces. My Dad was an Army Sergeant, I spent a short stint in the U.S Naval Reserve between the ages of 40 and 41 during the current conflict in Iraq and Afghanistan.

There were also some stark contrasts. My Pop liked the Cubs. I love the Sox. He was a staunch Republican. I am a little more moderate. I guess you could call me a late blooming hippie with centrist views. He was pro-military period! I saw things from a different perspective. I see now that sometimes conflict is unavoidable.

My Dad loved his days in the service. He did most of his tour in Georgia, and was a radio instructor. He was a model soldier in uniform, He believed in the brotherhood, in and out of it. In a twist of irony his best friend from kindergarten ended up transferring to his base. That's my Uncle Bob. They were so close I was born on the same day as his daughter Kim. Now that's friends!

After the service they remained tight buddies, and Bears season ticket holders, until my pop passed on. Uncle Bob, and I took some of his ashes to the Seattle game in 2010, two months after he went up to hang with Halas and Sweetness. He is a part of every game from the North End Zone. Pulling that off is a story for another day. He would have been proud of my stealth mission.

He is interred at Abraham Lincoln National Cemetery. Some of them were held back for me to take to Ireland's Ring of Kerry. If you ever wonder about the sacrifices that our men and women in uniform give for this country it's worth the trip. Visit ALNC in Elwood, Illinois or Arlington National Cemetery, in Arlington, Virginia. I have had the honor of visiting both. When I was 12 I saw the changing of the guard at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier. Even as a kid it left me awe struck. The sea of white headstones, perfectly sized and in exact formation will drive my point to the center of your soul. It is awe inspiring. The silence is deafening. The sacrifice displayed is humbling.

My stint in the Navy was short. I served out of Glenview. I was in for just over a year. I wanted to serve. My body couldn't handle it. My desire to serve my country was stronger than the demands serving it put on my body. I am grateful for that time. I was honorably discharged shortly there after. My Dad and I weren't even speaking during the time I served. My booze and addiction issues had driven him away. My self-destruction pushed him away. He couldn't bear to see me crash and burn any longer.

I don't care if you are pro-military or pro-peace. No soldier wants to go to war. I believe war should be fought only as a last resort. It should be fought for protecting our country, and the oppressed. It should not be fought for resources or economic gain. In WW1, WW2, Korea and Vietnam thousands of jobs were created with American sweat and pride. Now our country is in the worst shape it's been in since the depression and we don't create jobs HERE?!  It's been over 10 years! Where's Rosey the Riveter?  MADE IN THE USA has been traded for Made in China, or some third world nation. I will never understand that. Feed your family...then feed the world.

Every time I see a person in uniform I take the time to thank them for their service to our Country, AMERICA! I don't care if you are the most ardent anti-war protester on the planet. They fight for your right to speak out. They protect your FREEDOM! Take the time to say thanks for doing, WHAT YOU COULDN'T EVEN DREAM OF!

My Pop would have fought for this country at age 80, in his pajamas. I feel the same way. Thank you to the men and women who proudly serve in the ARMY, NAVY, AIR FORCE, MARINES, U.S. COAST GUARD, and all the RESERVE UNITS. You guys miss time with your families, while I enjoy mine. You eat in tents, while I wonder where I should eat. You die...to protect...Me. Thank you is a gross understatement for the gratitude I have for what you do. You are AMERICAN MADE! On Memorial Day when you're cooking hot dog,s and sucking back suds, take time to give thanks for those who make those good times possible. If a vet needs a hand...give him two. If you are anti-war, thank the man for giving you the right to speak out about hating it....
GOD BLESS YOU ALL! I miss ya Pop....

NOTE TO THE GOVERNMENT: The men and women who protect and serve the greatest nation in the world NEED to be taken care of when they return!  PERIOD! I see too many KIDS with addiction and PTSD issues in recovery. I see yet others wandering the streets in oblivion. Open up the coffers and pay them back for what they gave DEARLY and FREELY to protect us!
They paid their dues...Pay them back with your interest....