Belief In GOD Is Personal...Hypocrisy Is Universal...

Recently I had a talk with my son. It was a talk where we take off the labels of "dad" and "son," We just rapped like a couple of dudes. I didn't tell him that he messed up mowing the lawn, taking out the trash or blowing his curfew. We just talked about girls, driving, jobs, life..and God. I told him whether he believed, or how he believed, was his choice. It was a decision I could not, or would not, make for him.

I call my boy Bro. It is my nickname for him because his biological father calls him son. When he was little I chose not to call him son and add to the confusing "STEP Parent" thing. These days I call him son. I also call him "Biggie" and he calls me "Smalls." That's fine because the size between us make the monikers fit quite well. He is a big man. He fully understands that when it comes to the law of the land I am Biggie, and he is a resident of the land.

There are times when I have to talk to him like the sheriff, and sometimes like Smalls. Sometimes talking to him as Smalls makes for a  deeper conversation. He opens up more. He hears me. He shares his feelings. He is honest and we both walk away feeling good.

When it comes to being a Christian, I state with conviction that I am one. I will do so until the day I die.. That is what works for ME. As soon as soon as you read that statement, some of you rolled your eyes and thought "Oh man here we go..."  Your ears probably began to close. Your mind drifted to preconceived notions of Christians gone by. The word hypocrisy rang in your head. I don't blame you. I feel the same way about self righteous Christians. Religion was created by man. God is undefinable. To assume that I am like EVERY other Christian, is just plain wrong.

You see, where many of us go wrong, as Christians, is that some exude an air of superiority to the non-believer, spiritualist, agnostic, atheist or members of other religions. I am no better than anyone. I am not worse either. We will all meet our maker. What God is, is open to interpretation. How people choose to address their maker, is optional and personal. Some can not, or will not, consider the concept of there being an architect of the cosmos. That's cool with me. Ranting on me because I am a Christian is no different than a Christian ranting on others. The intolerance is equal. The hypocrisy shouters are spewing intolerance at those they accuse of being intolerant How is it different? Hypocrisy is a universal shortcoming.

I have never told anyone to convert or burn! I have never called a man a heathen. I have friends who are Jewish, Buddhist, Hindu and Agnostic. I don't check their Spiritual Identification Card before deciding if I want to continue our friendship. My GOD! I have friends who are Muslim! What a Christian who breaks bread with a Muslim? I don't consider other religions, no religion, or agnosticism wrong. It's not up to me. IT"S UP TO YOU. I respect people based on how they act, and treat others, not based on their politics or ideologies. I search the content of a person's character. The connection we make with our higher power is one on one.


I post a positive message on my Facebook page every day. The themes usually focus on hope, catching dreams, and the power of growing with each other. If I post a Christian themed message, the wolves come out and rip me to shreds. They find it offensive. I see posts that are vulgar. Inappropriate photos are often offensive. I do not turn on those who post things I dislike. I say nothing. What is the difference? Last time I checked the Constitution, free speech made the "Top Five Countdown."

I talk to God daily. I do it on the toilet, on my knees and in my car. I do it in short sentences and long diatribes. I ask Him to talk to me through other people. He does. I know He speaks through me sometimes. I am grateful when He does. I am humbled when I am of use to Him. I am grateful when someone says I have inspired them, or given them hope. I kick the compliment upstairs. I am a messenger. That's it. We all are, wittingly or unwittingly.

To the reader: I ask that you not lump everyone into one big pot. To the Christian on the mountain of righteousness, please look at the log in your eye, before pointing out the splinters in the eyes of the masses. God is not a marketing tool, a campaign slogan or a political platform. To use Him, as such, is just plain wrong.

For years I had a hole inside of me that I couldn't understand. Something was missing. I see now that the hole was a PERSONAL relationship with MY GOD and Creator. I have a "Bat line" to him that is always open. I don't know if it's red, and under a glass cake cover, like on the TV show. I do know he's always there when I call.

Jesus works for ME. Worship works for ME. I did have to reassess the one I grew up with. He seemed really mean. The church I attend leaves me feeling love, not guilt. I am not pummeled with guilt and dictates that I am on a one way ticket to hell. However, buildings are not a requirement. Before Jesus left he had two instructions for man. Not 374 rules, and who to vote for. They were, in paraphrasing, Love God with all your heart, mind, soul and strength, and LOVE your brothers as yourself.

There was no color, orientation, party affiliation, caveats, "buts" or "except those people" in his statement. That is where the trouble begins. When man twists God's plan of love for power, greed, personal and public agendas and condemnation he goes against those two suggestions. Shame, shame, shame! Those who do will have to stand in front of the maker just like the hippies, artists, atheists, liberals and tree huggers.

God is love. Go out and share some Good Orderly Direction with someone today, no but's about it. He loves you! If you choose not to embrace GOD, being nice to the people in your orbit is good karma, and a decent way for all of us to live peacefully on this big ole' ball we call EARTH! 

My book, SOUL PAROLE: Making Peace with My Mind, GOD and Myself is on sale NOW at Amazon .com. Personalized copies bought through PAYPAL are available at tommyconnolly.com. Proceeds benefit Chicago Area addiction, homeless and mental health programs.

Be Careful What You Pray For You May Get Humbled

Since December 9, 2010 when I began to write this blog I have shared the joy and pain of my life in addiction and recovery. More importantly, I have stressed that you can turn your dreams into realities with hope, faith and the hand of a friend. This is a fact for all of us, not just the elite or special few. We are all armed with the same tools. If we don't let our fears of success or failure impede us, the sky is the limit.

I have spoken of my years of addiction and homelessness. Sharing my journey to faith and peace with myself and family has been rewarding. I have been blessed beyond my wildest expectations. Things I once thought impossible are now just challenges I face with confidence. I can overcome anything if my motives are pure and my connection to my faith is open and working. When I go it alone and only seek counsel from myself, I am set up for sure failure or discomfort.

Last year I was blessed to appear in several TV series and films. I wrote a book that is finally going to be published. I was given feature spots in a few independent films and TV shows. I played Zanies.  I started a charity and helped several of the under served. I was unstoppable. I had pure motives and God showered me with blessings as I lived my life serving others. It wasn't karma. It was the universal law of my creator that if you share blessings, blessings will befall you.

As my career in acting began to offer more and more opportunities I asked God to keep me humble. I went as far as to ask that if I ever took my many blessings for granted that he take it all from me. I was serious. I have seen far too many people become jaded or aloof from their success and wanted nothing to do with it.

Then my world came crashing down. Within a few weeks my funds dried up. Projects fell through. My money reserves went dry. I fell into a horrible dark depression. I alienated myself from my family and friends. Most importantly I had stopped praying to God for guidance. I only turned to him to share MY PLANS. I was running the show again and my life spiraled out of control. My self will took me from the top of the mountain to one of the darkest valleys I have ever fallen into.

I found myself working in a factory. I was grateful for the work. I did what I had to do to make ends meet. I was right back where I was at age 20! Spending my evenings on the night shift from 4pm to midnight left me with plenty of time to reflect. I could barely handle the physical pacing of the job. Emotionally, I was at the lowest point that I had been since I got sober. My dreams were gone.

As I toiled to keep pace with the assembly line work it dawned on me. GOD HAD ANSWERED MY PRAYERS! I had prayed for him to take it all from me if I ever took my life for granted. HE Did!

I spent hour after hour recounting the last several months of my life. I realized that I had begun thinking I was creating my own success. My spiritual life became less important. Helping others became sporadic, then non-existent. I was distancing myself from my wife, kids and those who had helped save my life. Work and ME were my focus. God decided to step in after I stepped out of right living.

It was crystal clear. I was isolated again. I was going it alone. I was leaning on my own understanding and fell right on my face. Now I was stuck with 8 hours a night of nothing to do but think, think, think!

I saw my wife on weekends only. Before starting the job our marriage was at an all time low. I saw everything wrong with the world. Each night more and more I saw what amazing gifts I had been given. I began to pray to God again instead of say to God. I begged for mercy like I once had at the end of my using days. He answered my prayers once more.

As I began to put God, family and others at the top of my priorities list opportunities began to open. I became a better husband, father and friend. I saw that serving, thinking and being with, and about others, was the key to my success. My relationship with God was what made it all possible. I had just done the footwork.

One week ago I left the factory a new man. I saw that my life was amazing. I had much more than I needed. I saw the beauty in my life. My pride had returned to humility and gratitude. Suddenly jobs and auditions began to come again. People in recovery reached out to me and I began to serve others again. I dove back into my faith. The unmanagability of my life, discomfort and pain of isolation were lifted from me.

I have been blessed to see many old friends over the last few days. Job opportunities are increasing. My marriage is stronger than ever. My kids say I'm a different man. I am! I have been given yet another second chance.

I do not believe in coincidence. I do believe in the power of prayer. My personal relationship with God needs to be nurtured and developed. It is the most important relationship I have. When things are right with him all of my life seems better. Without him I isolate. I withdraw. I start thinking I can go it alone. I begin to believe I have all the answers. I end up miserable.

I have heard it said, and believe, that God has 3 answers to our prayers, Yes, Not Yet, and I have something DIFFERENT in mind for you. He listens to my prayers. He gave me what I'd asked for. As a loving God he didn't take it away for good. He needed to show me just how he had been working in my life when I lived it through faith.

When I want to go it alone, like any good parent he lets me run ahead and fall on my face once in a while. Then he picks me up, dusts me off and we start walking together again. I am grateful for that. When I walk alone I end up lost.

It's the End of the World As We Know IT... and I Feel Fine.

The title of the chapter is a reference to the 1980's hit song by REM. The classic is filled with references from Lenny Bruce to Leonard Bernstein. It's a fun song and makes you smile when you hear it. Most folks mumble the words but shout "Leonard Bernstein" in unison, glad they got a part of the tune right. The words used here are in reference to the world ending yesterday May 21, 2011. It was my wife's birthday.The only way the world was ending yesterday was if the carrot cake was terrible or we couldn't make a Skype call to our daughter in Germany.

Throughout the week I have been getting invitations to "Rapture" parties and "End of the world" get togethers. I found it mildly amusing in the beginning. In my party days those would be perfect reasons for getting a good buzz on. I hope not to offend anyone who went to a party like these but it made me think. Did you stop at any point in the night and ask yourself where you'll go if the world ends? It also makes me think of who is behind these arbitrary or astrologically planned events - God or the Devil.

Next year the parties are going to increase. I am sure there will be some suicides like in Y2K. Some will empty bank accounts and break wedding vows on their last hurrah. I have to admit that the Mayan calendar and the Chinese prophesies all lining up to 2012 as the end of the road are quite intriguing. I loved the movie with John Cusack. I have firm belief in intelligent life beyond Earth but that's where my conspiracy theory ends.

I do not think John Wilkes Booth, Lee Harvey Oswald, James Earl Ray, or Sirhan Sirhan acted alone in their deeds. I also don't think that the creator of the cosmos is going to set a date for our destruction like he's planning a tea party. In paraphrasing, when the disciples asked Jesus when they would see him again he didn't say May 21, 2011 or any specific date. He said that only his Father knew and be ready. To think that the maker of Heaven, Earth and all that lay in between is going to come down like a circus coming to town on a set date is appalling

Every day is a gift. It is also a chance to get right with our God, our loved ones and ourselves. By living with the knowledge that Jesus could return any day, and any day we may breathe our last breath, we may learn to see things from a more appreciative perspective. There are clearly signs to see that God is coming. There are also plenty of them that the Devil is here too. Why do we praise God when something good comes our way and question him when he doesn't deliver? We are all fools not to believe in the Devil. We say the Devil made me do it! Maybe he did. Maybe he gave you that good thing too. Maybe he didn't deliver what you so desperately wanted. Maybe God had nothing to do with your new Coach bag.

God says yes. God says no! The Devil says no. The Devil says yes! We are so quick to say there is no God and so dismissive of the dark forces working in our world. How do Atheists feel about the Devil? I really don't know. If you don't think much about the Devil, or believe he's trying to deceive you, he's working perfectly on you. There is light. There is darkness. If you believe in God your faith will be stronger than the Devil but he will want you even more. He hates believers. He loathes prayers and those active in faith.

I know I am going to heaven. I know Jesus is the Son of God and died for MY sins. I also know there is a Devil. I have to recognize when he is trying to work his way into my world and our world. He loves pain, fear, insecurity, anxiety, low self esteem, anger and criticism. He is thrilled when you feel so bad. He tries to get you farther from the light and the truth when you're at your weakest point. When you feel all of those same things God is reaching his hand out to lift you from the pit, the miry clay and set you upon solid rock.

I know this chapter sounds like a rant. It may be. I am tired of God taking all the beatings for what's wrong in this world and the Devil getting a pass or us not looking into our own mirror for the culprit of our misery. God would not be a loving caring creator and play with our lives like dolls. There is sickness and death in all living things. In love there is heartbreak and sadness. The Bible doesn't assure a perfect life on earth. It does assure a perfect one after we leave this here, if we believe, no matter what the date.

Have A Day!

People who know me well have heard me mutter,"Have a Day!" many, many times. It says it all. "Have a great day," or "Have a nice day," are the norm, and quite pleasant to hear from friends, shopkeepers and passersby, particularly from the ones who actually mean it.  "Have a blessed day," is my favorite response to people who cross my path, but it can be a little too brand specific for some of those whom I encounter.

To an Atheist, "have a blessed day," is stinging. If you don't believe in the blesser, a kind "bless you" in passing conversation, or following a hearty sneeze, must leave them feeling unfulfilled. It must be confusing that no one is wishing them good health or undeserved gifts. For all Atheists I want to offer you a permanent Grandfather clause of "May MY God Bless you!" This is to cover all present and future sneezes and positive wishes for your life. Since it's MY God, you have nothing to worry about when it comes to your non-belief and you can take comfort in the fact that the Atheist  philosophy has not been violated. I'll take all the heat!

The unconvincing, "Have a nice day!" from a rude check out girl or Walmart employee who just smashed my cookies into the revolving bagger is not "nice."  Even more unnerving to me is when they put one tiny item into the huge, non-biodegradable bag. I somehow walk out with 5 items in 6 bags. Visions of turtles and porpoises choking at sea on my bag that held my box of Rice-a-Roni troubles me. It is not a "Nice day!" moment.

"Have a good day!" is quite cheeky and cheerful when the kids are smiling and my wife is beaming at me on a bright sunny day. However, if I have been the dumping station for all of the crap my fellow man can pitch out into my tiny universe that day, I feel the urge to reach across the counter and slug the well wisher and reply, "Have a good Dentist!" In the middle of a rotten day, those words might as well be "hope your day continues to be a living hell!" It would make me feel less frustration.

That is why I have come up with the perfect solution. When you want to end a conversation on a pleasant note, tell the person in your midst to, "Have a Day!" It's ideal. It is an innocuous, non-feeling proposition to just exist for the rest of that 24 hours. It is a wish for a continued life until the clock strikes midnight. It doesn't take religion or moods into account. It is an acceptable reply to digest when your trudging through the crap that occasionally rains on your precise coordinates for that day.

In a world where terms are sanitized into ambiguous catch phrases it fits right in. It offends no one, except the dead! Most people welcome having a day. It keeps expectations and ambitions for achieving great feats at bay. It is a call to just populate the universe for the next 24 hours. It isn't far reaching or filled with pressure. It is quite calming and not too far reaching.

To an addict like me, having another "day" of sobriety is amazing. To the couple in marital distress on the verge of separation, having a day may be the one that starts them on the road to reconciliation. To the person at the end of their rope, having a day may be the one that moves them towards hope. To a sick or dying loved one, having an extra day with them is a gift.

What a perfect thing to wish upon someone. Try it tomorrow when the moment is right. Tell a stranger to "have a day!" Wait for their reaction. It may be a laugh. They may think you're nuts. But this simple statement guarantees a response. Give it a shot and until I talk to you again I hope you "have a day."

The Last Words of an Atheist are, "I Was Only Kidding!"

In one of my jokes I say that an Atheists' last words are, "I was only kidding." In another I say "I have tried Methodism, Catholicism, Judaism and Buddhism but found the answers to all of life's mysteries in alcoholism." God, The Creator, The Great Spirit, whatever you want to call him/her or it, used to scare me to death. I know this is a personal and taboo subject. I want you to feel comforted in knowing you're just a click away from avoiding this next rant.

 In winter 1998 I was living with a prostitute in a crack hotel in beautiful Stone Park, Illinois, a bustling Chicago suburb where a lot of the tax base works for cash. We didn't have a relationship or sex. I wouldn't have sex with a crack head prostitute. She was below me. I was a homeless drunken alcoholic with a legitimate job, making less money than her, but I had morals and boundaries. It was so much easier to see what a loser she was than to take a hard look at myself. I spent considerable time with these so called "lower companions." That way when I was full of booze, and whatever else I could find, I could counsel them about their problems and shortcomings.

I would live in my car for a week then spend a few days in a sleazy motel to clean up and drink up. Then back to the car again. It had no heat but I had to have enough money for my juice. When I did have a room I spent the night wrapped up like a mummy because the cockroaches would be crawling all over my face and body in the dark. I didn't think I had a problem. I had a job for cry sake! I wasn't a whore or dealer. I was educated. I had a B.A. from Columbia Chicago. I was just a man who was just down on his luck. Just before Christmas that year my roommate got arrested and thrown into the county jail on 26th and California. I would get calls from Cook County jail every day. The guard would call asking me to come bail out my girlfriend. Girlfriend! She was a prostitute and crackhead! I would never date a girl like that and since we never had sex she could hardly be called a girlfriend. Besides, I needed my money for booze and not for bailing friends out of jail.

I spent that Christmas alone in my room with the cockroaches. It is the only Christmas I spent alone. I wasn't completely without companionship because I invited my friend Jim Beam over that day. On holidays all earthlings are handed a license to drink. I just drank twice as much as usual. Every day was a drinking holiday for me. There were no calls from family or friends. I had no friends and my family was done watching me die an inch at a time. The lying, stealing, manipulating and broken promises might have played a part also. I didn't look at myself as being a pathetic drunk. I was just a misunderstood, tortured genius.

I talked to God that day. He really freaked me out. Ultimately I thought he just didn't have time for a guy like me. I had been convinced early on that I was going to hell and I figured I would just enjoy the ride before I got there. God to me was pissed off! My visual of Him was like Charlton Heston in Moses. He had lightning bolts in one pocket and plagues in the other. He was not to be trifled with through my little problems. He had bigger things to do like light the earth, cause famines and let little kids die. On bad days I did think He was out to get me. Little ol' me! He put the cosmos to the side and said to Himself, "Hmmm..I think I'll mess with the Connolly kid today." Out of all the billions of people in the world I was sure He was singling me out like a schoolyard bully.

I was convinced there was a God and life on other planets. How could we be the only intelligent life in a universe we can't even measure? Flowers are beautiful and the ocean is vast and awesome. The idea that they happened through coincidence after coincidence was impossible for me to wrap my head around so I spent my time trying to hide from Him whenever possible. When I talked to Him it was as if I was on Santa's lap. "Please let me win the lotto." "Please don't let me get a DUI." "Please let beer be on sale and the candyman be extra giving today." He was an order taker and bail bondsman. I told Him what I was going to do and asked Him to answer my prayers by tricks. "If you want me to stop drinking make The Beatles, "Nowhere Man" come on the radio." "If you think I should quit my job make this light I'm approaching turn green."

Ultimately I thought He just didn't have any use or influence in my life. I thought He only gave me crap. Looking back at the accidents that did and didn't happen, the trouble I got into or out of and the pain He put me through then delivered me from, I know He was there all the time...